Ex lets tweens watch 18 films

[CBradshaw]

I have recently found out that my ex has been letting our children (10 and 12) watch 18 films. This weekend he pressured the 10 year old to watch the film after her bedtime even though she was tired and wanted to go to bed.

Is this a safeguarding concern? I'm not happy about him letting them watch films rated above their age, but I know that saying something to him is likely to make him do it even more to spite me.

The 12 year says she likes watching these films, but recently I'm concerned by her aggressive behaviour (following in her fathers footstops) and I worry violent films are the last thing she should be watching.

It's poor parenting for sure. But I wouldn't be reporting anyone to the social over it

I’d be worried about that, there’s violence and horror but also sexual content in some, it depends what he’s showing them. Particularly if one child is watching them against their will.
Not sure what you can do about it though, can you speak to any of your Ex’s family?

Or maybe school would speak to him? I have a friend who had a similar situation with her ex letting their son play violent video games, he was talking about them at school and they were not happy. School called my friend in and said this was inappropriate and she agreed but suggested they contact the father as it was him allowing this. School definitely had a word but I doubt the arsehole listened.

It is normal for DC to watch films rated above their age. I did it, as did my DC as these age ratings are inherently arbitrary and can’t take into account the maturity or tastes of our DC.

The putting pressure on her to watch something she didn’t want to is a separate issue and is totally inappropriate.

It’s not great parenting but unless there are other concerns it’s not for social work.

A lot of us will have watched stuff with certificates above our ages as teens. I don't think it's that unusual. The fact that the 10 year old is being pressured is far more concerning.

we evaluate films on a case by case basis. The rating system is a blunt guide. Parents still need to make their own evaluations based on the individual child. Sometimes a child rated film isn’t appropriate for a particular child, sometimes an adult rating is not that serious.

For example, we let my dd watch The Matrix as a tween because she was bringing up many of the philosophical ideas discussed in the movie and we thought she would enjoy the film. We explained that it was violent, but that the violence was stylized and would become understandable within the context of the film. She absolutely loved it and it served as a springboard to further dinner table conversations.

I watched 18 rated videos (showing my age here) before I was 18. Not too many though. I loved Scifi so horror, action, violence but not much sex in those. So it depends on what type of film really if you choose to let your kids watch it.

I wouldn't let my DD watch something 18 rated legally. She found a way to get it illegally on the Internet and watched it. She's very tech savvy..

Like the time, I set our broadband so she couldn't get on certain sites that weren't suitable for children. She proudly explained that she'd seen the Ann Summers website using a VPN! 😂

Disclose your school safeguarding lead

School safeguarding leads are there to deal with allegations of child abuse, neglect, deprivation and family issues.

They would be investigating nearly every student in the school to the detriment of their actual roles if they started looking into age certificate breaches.

I have let my 12yo watch a couple of 18s but I have been incredibly careful which ones and have had conversations with him before and after about things like how they filmed certain scenes and what was happening during filming etc. 10 is absolutely too young. Do you know what they have been watching exactly?
Making the 10yo stay up is v worrying

I think your DD should have been allowed to go to bed. And your ex should be careful about the others he’s showing the older child. Yes they may seem ok with it but depending on context maybe not and they wouldn’t say. You don’t want to be dealing with nightmares because of the ex doing this.