Film: The Father … Is it just me to be disappointed?

7 replies

KormasABitch · 27/07/2021 20:11

I watched this last night, having put it off for ages because I’m in a similar position with my dad so it cuts close to the bone.

Is it just me to feel disappointed with it?

It purports (does it?) to be about the difficulties of loving care for the father's rapidly dissolving identity. But why did no one (including the lovely Olivia Colman, who can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned, especially since The Favourite ) sit him down and say something like “Tell me what you’re experiencing. I know it’s scary. How do we make sense of this together?”?

Why was the stiff upper lip, putting on a brave face, and complying with social conventions at all costs given the upper hand?

Or was that the point? Was it meant to be a portrayal of how the comfortable middle (upper middle? upper? I have no idea) classes fail to deal with the reality of senile dementia?

Just interested to know how others felt when watching this.

OP posts:

MNHQ

JoMumsnet · 02/08/2021 16:18

We've moved this thread over to our Films topic for the OP and given it a bump to get it back in Active Conversations.

newnortherner111 · 02/08/2021 20:17

I thought the response of those nearest and dearest was a key part of the film. Part of the confusion I felt whilst watching was I think was intentional.

Without identifying anyone, I know one of the people who was part of the making of the film, who has their own father in a home with dementia. I have not spoken to them about how it must have been to work on a film whose subject is so personal.

Hoolihan · 02/08/2021 20:25

I thought it was astonishing. It was not supposed to be a complete portrayal of dementia, or a how to guide, it was one part of the story as seen from the father's perspective. The daughter may well have said those things and in fact I thought one of the brilliant things about the film was how much of the backstory was missing, how much was going on that we didn't see or understand, because HE couldn't see or understand them. I really thought it was amazing and unbearably sad.

cervixuser · 02/08/2021 20:29

@Hoolihan

`Yes - completely agree with this. It was originally a play and I really liked the way that the film followed the theme of a stage set - using the same space but changing the furniture. It was excellent and the sense of confusion really brought the idea of dementia home

Original poster

KormasABitch · 03/08/2021 09:27

Yes, I think I must have got the wrong end of the stick re: what the film was actually about 😋 I don't watch TV or read the papers, so I somehow had a vague impression (because Olivia C is such a great actress?) that the focus of the film was on the father–daughter relationship, and of course it's not, it's all about his own experience.

I did wonder if it was based on a play -- the static set and the stagey interactions (ideal for a film made under lockdown restrictions!). I suppose it's the play I'm not sure about, then. I mean, it dramatises his confusion, yes, but I suppose what's missing for me is the occasional moment of lucidity where some kind of mutual recognition, however brief, is possible. Or, when there are these moments, the way no one attempts to communicate with him about any of the confusion he is experiencing. Maybe this casual cruelty was also part of the playwright's intentions, I don't know.

It just wasn't the film I was expecting to see, that's all (largely through my own ignorance!).

@newnortherner111, yes that must have been hard going 😔

OP posts:

Jerseygirl12 · 09/09/2021 22:23

I thought it was amazing, I gave it a 10/10. It gave me a better understanding of my DM’s Alzheimer’s, she’s at a similar stage to Anthony Hopkin’s character. Shooting the film from his perspective was so well done.

Jerseygirl12 · 09/09/2021 22:30

The wood panelling in the posh home and then the same sort of panelling in the care home was brilliant.

Flip