So, let me tell you about Joh Wick. It's a film about bullets; and guns.
Very,very loosely, there is a plot. And when I say loose, I mean like your baggiest old jumper, one that you've let your kids play tug of war with; and unravelled a wee bit. That's how loosely they've wrapped a plot around the guns and the bullets.
John Wick is a man, we realise, with a bad past. A past so violent that he is admired as much as he is held in awe for it, Wick is synonymous with death and destruction; and yet he has never been brought to account for it. He's even in a high end club for killers, with their own hotel and everything.
But four years ago he found love and gave up his bloodlust ways. Yay.
When his wife dies suddenly he is distraught. When she, with great forward planning, arranged for a surprise puppy to be delivered on the day of her funeral to give him something to love, we realise that John Wick is a man with a heart.
Cue some baddies, and we know they are baddies because they have Russian accents, who try to steal his car. And the car really isn't all that, but yet it is the one car these multi millionaire baddies must have. And in nicking the car they they do something very mean to the pup.
The next 70 minutes or so are taken up with the sound of gun fire. There are some neat moves from Keanu Reeves - no emotion or facial movement, but neat gun toting moves - and we see his epic skill as a sharpshooting assassin who kills every one he encounters, apart from his vital invented-for-this-movie key target.
This goes on for 70 minutes. Then the film ends.
That's an evening of my life I won't get back.