Hello, I am a female abuse victim, am inexperienced in relationships, and have been watching for signs in other abusers just in case so I can avoid issues like this again and need some help from the internet. I was wondering if I should end the relationship and escape. I’m currently dating a woman who:
1.) She speaks well about her best friends, but ill about mine. She keeps trying to change how I feel about my friends to get me to think they are bad people which I find is toxic. I’ve never questioned her friends once. She’s recently been showing weird signs, like talking badly about all her exes and telling me very private things about them, like drug addictions and only negative aspects of their characters. She doesn’t say one good thing about her past relationships.
2.)Instead of having my character in mind and heart, she wrote everything down in a planner to make sure to keep track of what I like and dislike so she can check whenever she forgets. She keeps making sure I don’t “hate her” and keeps asking me if I need more affection, or if I’m ok with days of non interaction sometimes, or need constant reminders of affection. She treats this relationship like a job interview or a duty sometimes and it feel a bit too structured if this makes sense.
3.) She’s also told me she has no preferences in a partner and just “likes someone with layers.” I’m confused though because all humans have layers and I thought it’s weird she always keeps tabs on a notebook. I also find it strange that she has no preferences in a person. It sounds like desperation and a need to find someone to date so I’m creeped out a little.
4.) She is still meeting up with her ex because they share an animal. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave her pet with a sitter instead of constantly visiting her ex. That’s actually the reason why she is sometimes gone for a few days. And yea, she also talks badly about this ex and called her a slob who just “sits around the house all day.”
5.) One day she told me she is a people pleaser, but now claims that she is someone authentic. This is one example of how she lies about her likes and dislikes. This is dangerous trait right?
anyways, I need some help and I hope I can get some kind answers this time. The last time I posted, I was met with a lot of hatred and victim shaming. I would appreciate it if anyone who understands relationships well can answer.