High schools and menstruation

[PinkHairbrushClub]

I have a 14 year old daughter at a comprehensive high in the NE of England. She is navigating managing periods out of the house and I am trying to gauge whether her school is usual or not.

Girl are not consistently allowed access to the toilet. Girls, including my daughter, have bled through in class after not being allowed to head to the loo as needed.

On bleeding through they have no managed support from school pastoral or policy about caring for girls.

Her and her friends have no confidence or trust in speaking to school or pastoral as they don't believe that they will care.

School recently sent out attendance guidance stating that period pain / periods are not a reason not to attend school. (I have already contacted the school about this)

I am going to speak to school and ask what they can do to better support girls as I am slightly aghast that nothing has improved since I was her age 30 years ago. Does anyone here have experience of a school doing things better? What does that look like? I don't want to go in just complaining I want to be able to talk about what a solution might look like.

Fundamentally, I struggle with the notion that attendance / presence is more valuable than a students wellbeing. In fact I am furious about it. That's before I get onto how they focus so intently on girls clothing and uniform over and above boys. So, if your school does things well, help show me how!

I would guess better would be the assumption that children were allowed out to the toilet one at a time on request until proven to be unreliable

I think there are 2 separate issues here. Firstly I completely agree with you that girls should be allowed out to the toilet whenever they need or their dignity will be compromised- this is outrageous. However I don't agree girls should be missing school with period pain- attendance is a big problem for schools since covid and if an adult woman wouldn't miss work on her period then a teen girl shouldn't miss school either. Of course we're talking normal periods here, not debilitating endometriosis or similar

My DDs' school has certain toilets where there are products and wipes and nappy sacks etc in bags on the back of the door. They keep a stock of skirts for this reason.

I have found them really good and supportive.

Your DDs school.sounds awful

Your DD's school does need to improve and be more compassionate. I well remember the awful feeling in lessons of the blood falling and imagining a huge dark red circle being on my skirt when I stood up.

Despite this, I have sympathy with schools doing all they can not to have lessons interrupted. Girls with 'normal' periods need to manage things in such a way that they expect to go to the toilet only at break time and lunchtime. Two and a half hours is the longest they would not be able to change their sanitary protection, which is far less than a night's sleep. At work, women have to plan similarly so it's preparation for that too.

@Alwayslurkingsometimesposting I actually agree with you about needing to continue. But what I realise I didn't mention is they don't want the girls having pain relief in school either. I know many parents flout that (I do) and send them in with a couple of paracetamol cut out of a pack and tucked in a pocket in their blazer.

@FortuitousFlannel that sounds great and something to suggest. They have wider issues with how they treat pupils and so at the moment the school staff have lost all trust with students, particularly with the girls. We have had issues with the way uniform enforcement has been handled, humiliation of girls for uniform in public, which we are also dealing with. My daughter hasn't been directly affected but she has seen it and no longer trusts those staff.

@IdaGlossop I take your point but the issue is flooding. That is sudden onset and no matter what my daughter does, including changing at break and lunch, if she has an incidence of flooding in class and isn't allowed to resolve it she is fearful of bleeding through.

It may not sound it but I have so much sympathy with the school as well as they have some issues with appalling behaviour and very low attendance that they are trying to tackle, but the rules surrounding that and the attitude on those issues seem to bleeding into their handling of matters that need more empathy.

I think I will try and speak to her new head of year who seems to be a very 'head screwed on' sort of woman and ask if we can start a conversation about this. I don't want to complain as I can only imagine the issues that they have in school with the kids who DO take the mick, but without changes they are causing much wider issues.

Adult women can and do miss work due to severe period pain. Bupa research in 2024 suggested one in eight women had taken time off due to period symptoms in the previous twelve months. A third of those women gave a different reason for the time off because they didn't feel they were able to admit it was due to their period. There should be no shame in admitting pain caused by something we have no control over. We'd stay at home if we got a migraine or a stomach bug, so why not for period pain that's too severe for work?

@PinkHairbrushClub flooding is another matter. Your DD can't be alone in having to manage this. Any reasonable head of year should recognise the school needs to think again, especially when a parent like you seem to be comes to discuss it with sensitivity to the school's point if view.

Flooding is a PITA when you're at school. Does she have long, ultra-absorbent sanitary towels/period pants, and would she consider doubling/tripling up with a tampon? (That's what we had to do, because our school had a similar draconian policy). If she has space in her bag (or access to her locker) for a spare skirt/pair of trousers and underwear (in discreet packaging), that would also be handy.

Are there any women in the school's leadership that you could speak to? If not, do embarrass the men in suits when discussing period problems with them! Just because they don't have to suffer with heavy periods and flooding doesn't mean that the issue doesn't exist!

flooding and lack of predictablity are both huge problems for girls and the thickest pads don’t always last an hour never mind over 2 - there is a lot of variability in this

Adult women do miss work due to periods

I took this up with my DD's school (I was also a school governor so had access) and was told anyone can apply for a hall pass if they need to leave the classroom. That doesn't help if toilets are locked though.
Also, there's the usual 'oh period pain isn't that bad' spiel but for some people it is. Really. Bad.

My DDs school are also not great at letting them use the toilet. She uses sanitary protection but also wears period pants as a back-up so she doesn't bleed through. I was also very shocked when she told me about the crazy toilet rules.

How are girls supposed to focus and learn if they worry they might bleed through? Does the school not know anything about the impact of stress on learning?

It is a human rights breach (right to dignity) to force girls to stay in class if they bleed through. It is also a potential health risk. 10% of women have endometriosis, often with very severe pain. 5-8% suffer from PMDD. For these girls, it is a failure to make reasonable adjustments. Likely (I am not a lawyer), this is indirect sex discrimination, because a blanket "no toilet breaks during lessons" disadvantages girls.

My step daughter (yr11) just doesn’t follow this rule.
She was told in Year 8 she had to wait until the end of the lesson which had 30 minutes remaining until she could go to the toilet and bled through her skirt.
We told her after that to just walk out if she’s desperate and tell the teacher to phone her mum if they want to discuss the reason why.
Shes had to do it twice since year 8, nobody phoned her mum, she was given detention but didn’t go and that was that.

Also just to add op, if she hasn’t already get your daughter to download a period tracker. I use one and just pop a pad in on the expected day.

Can I offer a school’s perspective? I’m not saying your DD’s school is right, only that these are the issues at the other side of the discussion.

As we all know teens’ MH is at an all time low. There are likely to be several pupils who self harm at school, this usually takes place in the toilets, unsupervised.

Kids have smoked in the toilets since forever but now add to that vapes and, in particular THC or spice vapes which are an increasing problem.

In both of these instances your child’s teacher is probably standing in front of a class of 30, trying to teach as well as being faced with a split second safeguarding decision- is this kid really on her period bleeding through or has she hidden the blade from a sharpener up her sleeve and is planning to self harm?

So whilst I understand these rules often seem unduly punitive, in most cases they’re in place to safeguard children. It’s such a fine balance to strike.

This is dreadful. I don’t have DDs at high school yet but I’d be furious too. If other children have MH issues, an appropriate plan needs to be in place for them, and a parent of a young woman who is prone to flooding, should be able to agree a sensible plan on her behalf (or a school with a sensitive attitude to this issue would negotiate a plan with a young person without parents having to complain).

@PinkHairbrushClub my dd is 27 now and a secondary school teacher.

If she had ever bled through between, for example, morning break and lunch, despite a tampon and precautionery pad or a pad and period knickers, I'd have taken her to the doctor. I did in relation to period pain and heavy periods and the dr prescribed tranexamic acid firstly, and then the pill when she was 14.5. She took painkillers to school and I wrote to the head teacher to inform of that. No response.

DD says yes, takes the pupil putside the classroom to confirm the reason why and gives them no more than five minutes. If they pull it ten days later, it isn't due to their period.

I know girls who cannot take the pill and tranexamic acid has no effect. Endometriosis and adenomyosis are highly complex disorders and often cannot be fixed easily. Many girls have irregular periods, so it might be true that they have their period 10 days after the last. An app will only work for those with regular periods.

the issue is you’re not likely to be diagnosed at that age
painful periods are not normal but are so normalised. I missed school with my periods sometimes but it’s taken me until I was 40 for an actual diagnosis and surgery
often I was fine after some heavy painkillers at school but they were funny about me having them

If you are getting nowhere with the school I would contact the governors, as this is a student wellbeing issue. If a workplace tried to restrict access to toilets for people who needed them there would be uproar. Hope it gets better for your daughter.

@RosesAndHellebores we have a doctor appointment booked for her. I am hoping that we can work out better management. She is keen that we don’t go to school unless we have to. She doesn’t want to stand out. So Doctor next week, and then we look at options for period care to see if she’ll try an alternative. I know tampons are a no for her which I get, I never used them.

At primary schools they treat them the same, until around year 6 when the inevitable happens, but by the time they're at high school girls and boys should be treated differently. It's a very difficult and uncomfortable time for girls in the early years of periods and there should be more to accommodate this. Some girls have extreme pain and heavy periods, I did there were times when I couldn't stand for long periods (no pun intended). Obviously attendance matters, we all want our kids to get an education and I'm not suggesting a missed week in every four, just some understanding.

DD’s school issue toilet passes for girls by parent request for periods. They have brilliant pastoral care and common sense.

Girls of this age often have irregular periods that can catch them off guard along with horribly heavy ones. My other DD has endometriosis and 10 day periods with blood loss so great she’s anaemic.

The student support team also have spare clothes etc for girls.

I’d definitely speak to school.