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Feminism: chat

Mansplaining at work

12 replies

Hidingthegoodchocolate · 31/07/2025 13:42

Agh. I work in a male -dominated field. My manager and senior leaders are all great and I've always felt respected and trusted professionally.

BUT oh my goodness, the attitude from the late 20s - 30s men in other departments. They have no idea how to do my job (different specialism) and I am senior to them. Does it stop them telling me what I should be doing? Does it heck. The latest was them trying to explain to me how to get more women into our industry, at a level that a ladybird book would reject for being patronising.

Help me not to kill them by telling me your stories (and hopefully, how you overcame!)

OP posts:
dragoncheeselady · 31/07/2025 13:51

I had a previous manager tell me that when someone recorded something like French as an ethnicity on our monitoring system that I should change it to White Other. When I explained that not everyone from that Country was white he tried to tell me I didn't understand the Equality Act and began to mansplain that too me. I was the equality officer for the section and had very extensive training on the Equality Act. He only stopped when the other manager pointed this out

PermanentTemporary · 31/07/2025 13:55

I’m completely useless because I’m always so shocked by it, and because I assume if someone’s telling me something it’s because they genuinely do know more about it, despite having worked in this field for 13 years now. It’s taken me years in the past to realise I’ve been mansplained to. Placemarking in the hope of realising a bit earlier next time.

Hidingthegoodchocolate · 31/07/2025 13:58

@dragoncheeselady equalities, why is it so often equalities?! But total blindness to the inequality that's in their favour...

OP posts:
cofffeeee · 31/07/2025 14:41

In my old job my old manager got fed up with telling woman to stop bringing their home life in to work.

MoneyTaIks · 03/08/2025 07:50

dragoncheeselady · 31/07/2025 13:51

I had a previous manager tell me that when someone recorded something like French as an ethnicity on our monitoring system that I should change it to White Other. When I explained that not everyone from that Country was white he tried to tell me I didn't understand the Equality Act and began to mansplain that too me. I was the equality officer for the section and had very extensive training on the Equality Act. He only stopped when the other manager pointed this out

But isn't French a nationality? If you're pointing out that French people aren't all white then you're surely talking about them comprising multiple ethnicities.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 03/08/2025 07:55

You can interrupt if you realise it's happening and say are you aware that you are mansplaining right now?

Or you can wait for them to finish and say did you just figure that out?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/08/2025 08:01

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 03/08/2025 07:55

You can interrupt if you realise it's happening and say are you aware that you are mansplaining right now?

Or you can wait for them to finish and say did you just figure that out?

I wouldn't use the word "mansplaining" because it's a bit of a red flag to a bull in a china shop.

I'd probably wait for him to finish his sentence (if it didn't take too long) and say something like, "Thanks Steve. That was a useful contribution. Anyway, as I was saying..."

Or if he won't let you get a word in edgeways, I would steal a line from Green Wing, which I have always thought was brilliant. You interrupt by holding a hand up and saying, "Can I just stop you there?" and when they stop you just walk off.

summerskyblue · 03/08/2025 09:03

I have 20 years experience in my particular specialism, marketing and comms in the third sector.

A new middle aged guy started in our office in a completely different team/role and then proceeded to tell me how I should do my job, sending group emails and saying things like 'In my experience...'' followed by details of how he thought projects/tasks should be run instead.

Turns out he has only one year experience of working in our sector and none whatsoever of my area of work.

I complained to my manager and they made sympathetic noises but then I was criticised during a one to one for being 'too rigid''...

Some of these men have this entitled and arrogant attitude because it remains unchallenged and women, even those in managerial posts like myself, are expected to 'play nice'.

In the end I confronted him directly and put him back in his place.

dragoncheeselady · 03/08/2025 10:03

MoneyTaIks · 03/08/2025 07:50

But isn't French a nationality? If you're pointing out that French people aren't all white then you're surely talking about them comprising multiple ethnicities.

Yes that's my point the person doing the recording was recording a nationality not an ethnicity as required. My boss made the assumption that everyone from that nationality was white, which is obviously not the case. And then tried to mansplain both ethnicities and the equality act to me the equalities officer

KnewYearKnewMe · 03/08/2025 11:10

So frustrating, OP.

I’ve probably had it happen a handful of times over the years, and how I’ve handled it has depended on context - sometimes it’s been a potential client, so I’ve had to be more deferent. Other times, it’s been at a networking event, when I can be more blunt.

almost always, I’ve been cross with myself after for how I did or didn’t handle it, because I felt blindsided.

this post has been really helpful as it’s prompted me to prepare - which I always do for things where I feel out of my depth, but for some reason never thought to with this.

so i asked ChatGPT for some suggestions - not perfect but some ideas to build on.

🎯
How to Handle Mansplaining in the Moment

As a programme management expert, you likely deal with complex systems, stakeholder alignment, and strategic delivery—so being dismissed or over-explained to can be not just irritating but counterproductive.

Here are strategies, depending on the tone and setting you prefer:

🔹
1. Be Direct and Professional

Use when you want to assert authority without confrontation.

“Actually, this is well within my scope—I’ve led multiple programmes dealing with this.”

“Thanks—I’m across this area already, so let’s focus on how we move forward.”

This reminds them you’re not a participant—you’re the one leading the room.

🔹
2. Redirect the Conversation

Use when you want to subtly shift control back to you without escalating.

“I’m curious—what experience are you drawing from? Because what I’ve seen at scale is slightly different.”

“Let me reframe that from a programme delivery standpoint—here’s how we’d approach it.”

You’re not just reclaiming the floor—you’re setting the lens through which the conversation should happen.

🔹
3. Reference Your Expertise

Use when you want to quietly reinforce your credibility and refocus the discussion.

“In my experience leading cross-functional delivery teams, this typically plays out differently.”

“When I managed a similar programme across multiple workstreams, we found X more effective.”

No need to out-ego someone—just let your track record do the talking.

🔹
4. Use Assertive Humor (If Appropriate)

If the tone allows, a light, confident jab can reset the energy without derailing the conversation.

“I appreciate the tutorial—but I’ve been living and breathing this for the past 15 years.”

“Glad to see we’re aligned—though I’ve had to implement this a few dozen times.”

This works well when you want to diffuse tension but still draw a line.

🔹
5. Call It Out (Strategically)

If the behavior is persistent or undermines your role, it’s okay to be candid.

“You’re explaining something I manage regularly—are we working from the same assumptions?”

“I’ve noticed a tendency to repeat points I’ve already raised—let’s make sure we’re hearing everyone clearly.”

This signals that you’re not there to be minimized—and you’re comfortable naming it.

🛠
Extra Tip for Meetings or Group Settings:

If you’re being interrupted, over-talked, or sidelined:

  • Reclaim your voice:
  • “Hold on—I’d like to finish my point.”
  • Bring in structure:
  • “To move this forward, let’s get back to the programme milestones and roles.”

That clarity reinforces your leadership without sounding defensive.

Hidingthegoodchocolate · 03/08/2025 14:42

@MissScarletInTheBallroom God I loved Green Wing!

Like the idea of prepping too @KnewYearKnewMe

OP posts:
MoneyTaIks · 03/08/2025 16:07

dragoncheeselady · 03/08/2025 10:03

Yes that's my point the person doing the recording was recording a nationality not an ethnicity as required. My boss made the assumption that everyone from that nationality was white, which is obviously not the case. And then tried to mansplain both ethnicities and the equality act to me the equalities officer

Ah, I see.

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