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Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

Ffs. Today I had to move for a male cyclist!!!

126 replies

MattCauthon · 07/05/2025 09:13

This takes patriarchy chicken to a whole new level! Walking in the park. Wide path (2-3m wide). I am walking along just off the centre. Admittedly, typing a message to.ds on my phone. Bike rider rings his bell at me. I look up. He's coming straight at me, requiring me to take a couple of steps to the left to get out of his way. There was space for about 3 bicycles to the right of me.

It makes me so angry. He was on a bloody bike- it's a gentle curve and he's past me. Middle aged white guy. Who, in my experience, are the worst for this.

Every time I am in London j am constantly having to move for men. I am so so tired of it. Sometimes I try not to. But I am a small middle aged woman who knows.perfectly well I will just be sent flying.

OP posts:
GingerBeverage · 07/05/2025 09:18

You’re not wrong. Whenever I go running there is always that one man* who, with a whole wide track to run on, chooses to run straight at me. I swear they get a thrill.

*a different one each time

Nsky62 · 07/05/2025 09:20

Seems he wanted power, being on a bike

SmegmaCausesBV · 07/05/2025 09:21

I had the same in the car, single track road, I'm about 3 meters from the end. He comes tearing around the corner too fast in a Berlingo style van with a husky sticking it's head out on my side. I stop, he has to reverse maybe 1 meter to a passing spot, refuses. I stay stopped - it's that or reverse for over 40 meters. He slowly partially reverses so he is still taking up most of the road. I have to take 10 mins to squeeze past him, risking the side of my car and lightly knocking his wing mirror as I go past. He didn't even give a shit about his dog's head sticking out as I went past, just glared for the entire process. WTF is wrong with them?

zenai · 07/05/2025 09:23

Making up for small appendages.

minnienono · 07/05/2025 09:24

If you are in the centre it’s normal to move to one side for bikes, don’t look for offence where there wasn’t any. If you were looking at your phone, how does the cyclist know you won’t step right into their path?

SmegmaCausesBV · 07/05/2025 09:28

zenai · 07/05/2025 09:23

Making up for small appendages.

I always think this. If they have a partner with them I often think about that poor woman for the rest of the day; imagining all of the micro and macro aggressions they think are worth enduring to live with that prize specimen.

DUsername · 07/05/2025 09:30

I'd far rather someone ring their bell in that situation so I can get well out of the way. I take issue with the cyclists who don't do this and fly past me at close quarters. Bikes are so quiet these days, it's entirely possible to not hear them and take a step into their path.

Original poster
MattCauthon · 07/05/2025 09:39

minnienono · 07/05/2025 09:24

If you are in the centre it’s normal to move to one side for bikes, don’t look for offence where there wasn’t any. If you were looking at your phone, how does the cyclist know you won’t step right into their path?

I was off centre. And the path is WIDE. Very wide. The small path i am on now, sure. But this part is more like a large driveway as its at the start. If he had gently moved to ly left, I would have had to throw myself into his path like an acrobat.

There's always one though... must be the woman's fault!

Oh, and while I am having to justify my frustration... while people cycle through this park, it is very much not for cyclists. In fact, there might even be signs up but I can't recall.

OP posts:
NPET · 07/05/2025 13:11

I'm 21. I'm never sure whether they aim for me because I'm a woman in their way or because they like the look of me. Either way I'm happy to push them out of my way (I'm stronger than my slender frame suggests!).

Ponderingwindow · 07/05/2025 13:14

This drives me insane. Ringing that damn bell does not mean I need to move.

Catapultaway · 07/05/2025 13:15

Are you sure he's not just rang the bell to let you know he's there. It can be difficult to predict the actions and movements off people who walk about looking at their screens. Most bikers ring their bell if approaching from behind or if someone is on their phone.

PluckyCheeks · 07/05/2025 13:16

Next time, don’t move. Just carry a walking stick or golf umbrella that may get accidentally caught up in the spokes.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 07/05/2025 13:18

I am a small middle aged woman who knows.perfectly well I will just be sent flying.

Has that actually happened? I don't move and have never been sent flying.

bigkahunaburger · 07/05/2025 13:20

Happens when I go swimming. Every time some man comes in and barges women out of their lane. I remain where I am out of principle - so then they try and push someone else out. Pricks.

Original poster
MattCauthon · 07/05/2025 13:20

Catapultaway · 07/05/2025 13:15

Are you sure he's not just rang the bell to let you know he's there. It can be difficult to predict the actions and movements off people who walk about looking at their screens. Most bikers ring their bell if approaching from behind or if someone is on their phone.

I think I know when a cyclist is heading straight for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MattCauthon · 07/05/2025 13:22

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 07/05/2025 13:18

I am a small middle aged woman who knows.perfectly well I will just be sent flying.

Has that actually happened? I don't move and have never been sent flying.

When I get bolshy, yes, I've been bashed around a bit and have been sworn at a lot. Perhaps "flying" was hyperbolic. But I thought it was clear wht I meant.

I first noticed the whole issue when pregnant with severe SPD. I physically could NOT move out of the way. I spent months being knocked sideways, often with extreme pain as a result, and /or sworn at.

OP posts:
Ygfrhj · 07/05/2025 13:22

I would use my bell in this situation in case the person looking down at their phone hasn't heard or seen me and needs to suddenly cross the path or something. Bicycles are silent, how else do you make someone aware you're there without dinging the bell! Unless you holler at people which seems rude.

I'm not sure from your description if he was trying to keep himself positioned to the left of the path but I also do that as much as possible too.

Also, sometimes a bike path turns into a path through a park then reappears on the other side and it's annoying for everyone.

Burnout50 · 07/05/2025 13:25

Catapultaway · 07/05/2025 13:15

Are you sure he's not just rang the bell to let you know he's there. It can be difficult to predict the actions and movements off people who walk about looking at their screens. Most bikers ring their bell if approaching from behind or if someone is on their phone.

This...

We have a very strong procedure in place in work that you are not allowed, under any circumstances, to walk while holding, never mind looking at your phone. (Manufacturing site)

I thought it was bs at the beginning, but have had to comply, and now it's second nature to stop and stand still while looking at my phone. Then I go out into the big bad world and the amount of idiots that walk around engrossed in their phones and totally unawares is astounding.

(Im not saying you are an idiot, im not saying you aren't entirely correct in your assumption, but he may also have assumed you didn't or wouldnt see him)

Octopusespunchforfun · 07/05/2025 13:25

OP It’s men on a power trip . There’s a man who walks his ridiculous grizzly bear dog (American Akita?) every morning near me and I cross the road with my dog when I see him walking towards me. He WITHOUT FAIL no matter where on the loop we may meet, crosses TO THE OTHER SIDE to be on the same side as me. Forcing me to cross back. (The dog always tries lunging at us whilst he laughs!!) The other day I was so not in the mood for fragile masculinity so I went to cross, watched him cross and then stayed where I was and watched him have an internal struggle then decide to carry on.

He does it to frighten me and my dog I am sure of it. Some men just want to assert dominance.

impulsedriven · 07/05/2025 13:30

Why does it matter what colour he is?

Relaxaholic · 07/05/2025 13:30

I recently was walking with my daughter, we moved into single file to make room for two runners to pass us from behind. It was a middle aged man and his younger son. It really irked me when they ran past without thanking us. I was annoyed with myself as I had just modelled for my daughter moving out of their way, and then annoyed with the man as he modelled for his son running two abreast without a thank you or acknowledgment. They could have easily run past single file without us having to move.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 07/05/2025 13:31

MattCauthon · 07/05/2025 13:22

When I get bolshy, yes, I've been bashed around a bit and have been sworn at a lot. Perhaps "flying" was hyperbolic. But I thought it was clear wht I meant.

I first noticed the whole issue when pregnant with severe SPD. I physically could NOT move out of the way. I spent months being knocked sideways, often with extreme pain as a result, and /or sworn at.

Show quote history

I wasn't being passive aggressive, genuinely asking. It's awful that people treated you that way. I've been sworn at but never touched by these pricks.

helpfulperson · 07/05/2025 13:36

minnienono · 07/05/2025 09:24

If you are in the centre it’s normal to move to one side for bikes, don’t look for offence where there wasn’t any. If you were looking at your phone, how does the cyclist know you won’t step right into their path?

I agree. He probably just wanted to be sure you were aware he was there. Walking in the middle of any path on a phone is selfish.

EilishMcCandlish · 07/05/2025 13:36

I would ring my bell or call ahead if I am cycling towards someone who is engrossed in their phone. Because even if I am planning to go round them, they also might suddenly move into that path.
The issue here is people being distracted by their phones while walking, not cyclists warning those people of their presence.

Ponderingwindow · 07/05/2025 13:40

Catapultaway · 07/05/2025 13:15

Are you sure he's not just rang the bell to let you know he's there. It can be difficult to predict the actions and movements off people who walk about looking at their screens. Most bikers ring their bell if approaching from behind or if someone is on their phone.

I know this is their rationale, but it is hugely flawed. As someone with ASD, the bell sends me into a panic response and instead of simply walking along, I am now much more likely to behave erratically. This is true for some other ND people I know as well. They are creating the very problem they claim they are trying to avoid.

it’s arrogant to think the way they would react is the only way people will react. It’s arrogant to think that the simpler solution isn’t to just slow down enough that they can pass without a bell.