Mums of disabled teenagers expected to give up work to do school run

[Geneticsbunny]

I have a disabled teenager who is currently at a special needs school and has a council provided taxi to get there. It turns out that once he finishes y11 the council provided transport is not a statutory thing and will be withdrawn if they go bankrupt or can't find enough money! They are currently considering dropping the service.

I have looked and there is no way for him to get there on public transport (5 bus changes -1.5hrs) or walk (2hrs 34mins), and so I will have to give up work to drive him to and from school every day.

This is obviously a feminist issue because most main carers are female and it is them who will be leaving he workforce to deal with this.

I am so angry that we are being fucked over again when I just want to be able to do a relatively normal thing like have an actual job.

I am not sure I actually have a question, I just wanted somewhere to rant where people would understand how sexist this shit is.

Surely you wouldn't give up your job for the sake of 3 return taxi journeys, which you can afford to pay for?

Does your son have an ehcp ? If so then I believe the council have to provide transport but you need to pay for it. My son has an ehcp and goes to college , our council provide transport and we pay £692 for the year for it . Have you discussed this option with the council.

Having a disabled child is not a lifestyle choice.

I’ve been in your shoes OP and the stress this incurs is off the scale. It’s so unfair.
Unfortunately the only way we managed was a compromise with one of our jobs.
If I was you I’d flex my employment to commit to one of the journeys a day and then use any benefits you receive for your child to help pay for a taxi the other way.
Perhaps ask school if there is another child on the area whose family may share costs with you.
it’s not ideal but services for our children are far from ideal as we all know

It's not just the taxi costs though. He needs a taxi escort in the taxi with him for safety reasons (for him and the driver) and I have no idea how to organise that let alone how expensive it would be. Local taxi companies who currently drive him won't give me quotes because they think the council are going to fold and continue to provide the service.

I'm with you op. It's utter shite.
My sen child is still in primary school yet transport has been a issue. He wont travel in the taxi he needs a parent with him. It's Important that he has that support in the morning to help reduce anxiety otherwise he refuses to go to school at all. I couldn't work at all when he wasn't going. I can't drive so I cycle him. I am very anxious for how we go forward as he gets older.

Unfortunately I didn't have a crystal ball before I had him so I didn't work my way up in a wfh job that I could flex the hours around caring for him. So working wise I am limited. Minimum wage jobs have the least amount of flexibility and ironically we need much more money to care for a sen child. I didn't realise I should of been saving every penny I ever got incase I had a child with a disability.

It absolutely is a feminist issue. I only know women who have given up work or been restricted work wise. We are usually the default carer and the default emotional regulator.

When I met my husband he was already working his way up his career. It made sense to prioritise his earning potential to get to the more flexible roles and then switch, for me to work my career up. I got told it will get easier when they are at school. Nope that certainly didn't happen. And by that point there is no interim period when you can level up, you're now stuck in that dynamic.

Money is somewhat important in keeping my family alive and fed. I'm yet to find a job you can walk into day one and have flexibility and understanding. Even my husbands roles have been shaky when asked for flexibility. Two roles he got pushed out of just for asking for flexibility.

Whilst in principle there should be options but in reality for most they don't actually work. Not to mention the stress and anxiety you go through trying to balance all the plates whilst having to explain to everyone all the time why your situation is complex. It's exhausting.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you op. It's certainly a battle and it shouldn't have to be.

We live rurally and the children in our village get the school coach to the high school, around 25 minutes away.
after year 11 there is no funding- you can pay for a space on the coach, if there is one available, for £550 a term.
most of us have had to drive our 16+ children to sixth form or college. We’ve made it fit around work, also lift shared etc.
it’s so hard on the families on a low income, as they may not have a car, and there is no bus.
so I’d suggest talking to your employer OP, most seem to be able to offer a solution.

OP, I really know how you feel. My DD is still entitled to transport but the LA won’t fund a taxi and an escort, and the bus just isn’t workable for her. So DP and I have both been forced to work part-time, so one of us is always available to do the school run.
This has a huge effect on our household income, ability to save, plan for retirement (haha).
Families across the country are being forced into poverty by these logistical conundrums, which could be solved by adequate funding from central government to LAs.

Yes it’s shit and now we have the added joy of limited UC under 22. It’s an expensive business these luxury disabled kids.

@Geneticsbunny what I would say is you should check if claiming UC while at college helps with costs.

The council dropped transport funding here too when my disabled DC was post yr11.

What happened is the school commissioned a bus company to run a few bus routes and I paid around £700 a term for her to be on a bus. My DH still had to drive her to the next village over to catch the bus, but it was early at 8:15. The bus then dropped her at the same village stop at 3:45 and I collected her. She couldn’t manage navigating public busses as it would have meant changing busses. The fact the bus only went to and from the school made it accessible for her. She had a digital term ticket on her phone that she showed.

So £2100 for the year.

OP would there be any chance of you working 5 short days instead of 3 full days? Could that make it workable? I know it doesn't seem fair but just trying to think of how you could make it work.