SC ruling: I come with flowers!

[VanishingVision]

Excuse the cringe title, I wasn't sure how to title it!

So firstly, hello and I genuinely hope the SC ruling has brought at least some relief to at least most of you.
I'm a transwoman/TIM/transsexual/whatever vernacular you wish to use and I've been a lurker on mumsnet for about a year, primarily because I found myself increasingly at odds with the mainstream trans community over the past couple of years and I was aware mumsnet was a gathering place for GC women and despite some of the content being occasionally very hard to read, I've enjoyed the perspective and found it really useful.
As far as trans inclusion goes I've only been interested in the opinion of women because it undoubtedly affects them more than it does men and typically I've welcomed all sides to be honest with me even if those conversations can be difficult but difficult conversations are truly the way to get to the truth, I think. I guess, my circle has forever always been women anyway so that's likely where that has come from and why I decided to lurk some of the threads on mumsnet in the first place.

As far as the SC ruling, I'm actually kind of indifferent to it at least in how it could affect me personally. I don't see it changing a great deal of my everyday life nor do I feel like I'm excluded from public life (even if I did feel that way, I wouldn't exclude myself anyway out of sheer insolence), I'd rather be measured about it if it gives clarity, puts women at ease and protects their sex based rights because there absolutely ARE places where trans rights have overreached drastically. Stating this has actually caused me grief from other trans people. Despite being pretty far left politically on most subjects, you could consider my views on trans things more aligned with Rose of Dawn.
I'm certainly upset, but not necessarily at the outcome but more by the fact the whole thing has had to become so inflamed and toxic. I do blame TRAs for a huge part of getting us here and I can't ever say I've seen GC women as 'the enemy', despite being sure some would legitimately hate me but hey so do a bunch of other trans people!
I do actually have a shred of positivity towards it and hope it not only enshrines the rights of women going forward but sheds more light on where the overly aggressive trans activism has hurt and failed both women and trans people, in fact.

I have no real goal on posting here, I've no interest in making anyone believe I'm 'one of the good ones' or convincing anyone or changing minds. Neither is it some kind of 'pick me let me into your spaces please' attempt. It's simply a case of I've been perusing the site for some time and the SC ruling has made me want to actually interact and I'm aware this is an absolute 'TERF' fortress and I may not get any kind of response and I don't even expect a particularly welcoming one.
I'm also sorry this is so long! I didn't mean to waffle so much either!

Hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend 🖤🌹🌺💐

@myplace , I agree and it's so irresponsible when older people speak like this.
To tell people that they are universally hated by another group of people when it just isn't true is a terrible thing to do to our young people and is so manipulative.

Sorry just to add: your post really got me, I'm at my mum's atm and I had to just go give her the biggest hug!

VanishingVision

From what I have seen it is the TRAs that are enflaming the situation, in the same way that they enflamed the situation with JKR.
It was also the TRAs that had #Nodebate.

@myplace I agree with you. Honestly, yeah it is hard being trans and people can be awful about it but so they can be for all sorts of reasons.

I was friends with a TW who went full blown TRA and she was constantly posting about dealing with transphobia constantly everyday etc etc. Now, she doesn't work and doesn't leave leave our city. I work in a public facing job, I travel all over the shop (outside UK too) going to gigs and I don't really experience it. I have had instances of it but not really anything major directed at me in a couple of years. Actually I've had more transphobia directed at me within the LGBT and by supposed allies. Convincing a trans person that they're a poor, little victim made of glass is transphobic and I hate it.

I think alot of it is exacerbated by the fact that many trans people are commonly really chronically online and only associate with people who completely affirm them constantly. All the happiest trans people I know are people who have tried to live outside of all that and just go their own way, much like myself.

I think we all do better in the wider world, to be honest.
We all get some abuse/unpleasantness in everyday life. It’s probably unhelpful to put it all down to <insert ism/phobia of your choice>!

@MissScarletInTheBallroom Thanks the wine (I'm actually sober so I'll pretend it's grape juice 🤣).

I think third spaces should have been seriously pursued perhaps a year or two ago. Hopefully this can be a possibility where possible but I'm not sure most of the trans community will want it, primarily because of the ones stoking up the exclusion card.

@myplace we do! I think there's instances you can put down to those things but I do think it needs to be very clear because otherwise you're accusing everything of bigotry. You know, I choked on an almond, almonds are so transphobic.

Thanks for sharing OP and giving us this insight.

I sometimes think that, if everyone was still happy that 'trans' meant someone who wanted to be the opposite sex rather than 'literally being a man/woman because of feeling the way a man/woman feels' but never actually saying what those feelings are... I don't think I'd have given the topic much thought past 'I hope those people are happy and, where their sex matters, are honest about it'.

It's the bizarre metaphysics and linguistic gymnastics we're supposed to embrace and accept that we're only women if we feel a certain way - a way that no-one will tell you - that has led to me getting so frustrated with the dishonesty, violence and taking advantage by those fully embedded in it.

because I'd rather everything is clear in law and I can navigate accordingly and I just hope it doesn't get worse.

Totally agree.

@popefully I especially agree on the twisting of language around sex and being trans. I think the meaning of being trans has been added to, warped and convoluted to such a degree nobody can actually explain it anymore... and I think that's a part in what has lead to why there's been such an uptick in especially male opportunists and young women who have perhaps unconsciously seen it as a way to opt out of womanhood. How can you question something that nobody can explain right?

Unfortunately there are people- men and women- in the world who like nothing better than to judge and scold others. They get a sense of validation from not being the thing they are criticising, not being the guilty party. How do they know they are worthy, if they aren’t shaming someone else?

This has been the latest bandwagon in a long string- heathen, witch, red, slut, terf. All ways of demonstrating that you are none of them. The more you persecute others, the more righteous you are.

Ploughing your own furrow, without watching someone else’s, is the only way to go!

I also find the whole thing depressing like you say, as it has turned so toxic. I've seen so many men (surprise, surprise) and transpeople talking about it on social media, using it as an anti-women campaign. It oozes misogyny. So much so, I am now questioning my own opinions on the matter. If only everyone had your attitude of listening and empathy, that would have solved the problem a long time ago. Like someone else said, biological women and transwomen could have and should have been the greatest allies and advocates for each other. I have tried to be an ally of the trans community myself but when I talk to SOME trans people it is like talking to a brick wall. Whilst I'm attempting to listen and understand I don't get the same back. There's no effort to have empathy or understand an experience different to their own. It is frustrating.

@starrynight009 Honestly that's one of the most disgusting things for me, not just since the ruling but in general with this whole thing is when men are telling women to just 'shut up and take it' when they're talking about their concerns and worries. Even if I sometimes disagree with GC women, they have every right to speak out if they need to.
We should have been the greatest allies, genuinely. And I completely understand, you try and talk to trans people and allies you just get slogans thrown at you and brickwalled even I received that! I don't have a lot of trans friends and have received abuse over the past two years because I picked apart at the safeguarding problems in the trans community and the tacts of TRAs. I can't stand behind threatening any woman with things like r*pe, regardless of what they may have said. I can't understand why, if you say you feel fear male violence, you then essentially perpetuate it yourself.

Thank you OP for starting this thread and for your comments. I doubt you are alone amongst those whose gender identity differs from their sex.

Thanks for the post OP. I was hopeful that the decision from the SC might calm things down but looking at the pictures from the demonstrations yesterday, I was clearly being optimistic.

it is clearly the TRA’s over overpushed into spaces that they clearly never should have been (women’s prisons, sports) that has caused this. If they continue to push their abusive message, they will continue do more harm.

I hope moderate voices like yours become more prominent as we sorely need a more rational argument. I do fear for those who have transitioned and just quietly going about their business if the TRA’s keep pushing their insanity.
Thank you for posting as always good to hear the rational voices.

Thanks OP, great thread. We don't hear voices like yours enough.

I entirely agree with the post above. Once people have got over the initial venting, I actually hope the ruling will be good for trans people. In the sense that, we can now officially say, trans people are not legally supposed to use the opposite sex space ... so there is clearly a need for an additional gender neutral space.

I've said it before but as well as being helpful to trans people, I think having more gender neutral spaces would also be helpful for people with caring responsibilities for someone of the opposite sex. There have been a lot of threads over the years from mums who are worried about sending their 8/9 year old boy into the men's loo or changing room alone. This would help here as well.

I'm sure there are other practical things we could do as well.

@elozabet I was also hoping it would calm but despite being disappointed I'm also not surprised it hasn't considering the protests. Whilst I think they have that right to protest much like anybody does, if they feel they have a need to go against the ruling, I'm quite upset about some of the stuff I've seen. Defacing a feminist statue is a bit of a fucking own goal.

@DisappearingGirl I think that's a really good point about the 3rd spaces being beneficial to a whole range of people. I think they would benefit trans people, I personally would be more inclined to want to use places such as swimming pools, gyms, unisex spas etc if I had that option.

Let’s face it, we all need more services- more loos. Building third spaces helps everyone and the range of people using them- families as well as people unconcerned by unisex spaces- will ensure no one is outed for using them.

Just spotted the Observer View - they support the ruling but say that service providers should provide gender neutral spaces:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/apr/20/the-observer-view-on-equality-act-ruling-a-dignified-compromise-that-respects-the-rights-of-everyone

Thanks for sharing! I wish this would be the default view: supporting the ruling but ensuring that women and trans people are both protected. I just want the noise to end and have a fucking reset!

Nobody cares about anyone being 'trans'. They just care about women having rights, and men not being able to identify into them. That's it.