How best to decline giving out phone number

[BeMintFatball]

This is a discussion with my 2 adult daughters following an actual incident and we are not in agreement on the best way so thought I would ask Mumsnetters.

DD2 out with friends bumps into a guy she knew at college but hasn’t seen since. No contact for 2 years.

Guy tells DD2 he was going to ask her ex for her number. Dd tells him she is no longer in contact with her ex.
Guy asks directly for her number. Dd gives a fake number. But guy tries to send message straightaway and realises it’s a wrong number. Dd panicked by being called out gives her real number.

Dd tells me all this and I am disappointed she didn’t have strong boundaries. All she needed to do was say I don’t want to give out my number. End of. DD has PTSD so I understand it is difficult for her . I tell her to block the number and she does.

Older sister has a different view. She says there have been instances where a man has become violent when a woman refuses to give a number. So doesn’t think that is good advice. But in the example of her sister she would have said look it’s been 2 years ,I don’t really know you sorry mate.

So what is the least confrontational approach when you really don’t want someone to have your number?

It was all so much easier pre mobiles. I once gave out my frenemy's number, and apparently he rang it. I'm ashamed of my 17 year old self.

We get on well now though so it's all water under the bridge although she does like to remind me every so often...

Doesn't work!
Men try to be crafty (which is why we have to be craftier!).
They try "I only want your number, not a date" or even try for sympathy with "oh that's right, assume I'm a creep, all I wanted to do was check you got home OK".
Believe me, I've had them all. Sorry to sound like "every man wants me" but that's the belief we have to have, and I've been around long enough to know that about 98% of requests for my phone number are from creeps!

I would personally say something like, "sorry, life's been stressful and I just don't have the headspace to keep up with new friends at the moment." Doesn't assume he wants anything more than friendship, gives him an easy out as you're rejecting everyone and not just him. And probably true most of the time for most busy people!
If he pushes I'd feel comfortable just repeating myself, as he's clearly rude. I'd just repeat, "No, sorry, there's no point" with a smile and a shrug. Or a wee laugh, and "Oh gosh I wish I had more time. Maybe one day when I'm not running around like a headless chicken I'll have time for a social life again, haha". Keep it light but be firm. He can wheedle all he likes but the number is yours and he can't have it.

Thank you!

This.

This is good, but honestly just learn to say no. Being upfront is best and a good skill to learn. You can say it in a nice way, like PP said "I don't give put my number".

“No thank you” often back-foots people quite effectively in all sorts of circumstances.

I think if he kept pushing then I’d say something like ‘Gosh you’re not very good at taking a hint are you, I’m not giving you my number’ but of course you have to be somewhere you can leave straightaway and safely.

It's not difficult. Just say- no its ok thanks, sorry I've just started seeing someone, no but I'll take your number. If they are that drunk or unreasonable just move away.

Of course nowadays it might not even be your number they ask for. I'm mid 40s and had a teenage boy ask me for my snapchat. It was easy to say- sorry I dont have snapchat and that was the end of that!

Where were her friends in this? It seems he was a creep, it’s so hard to keep them away on your own so I would go for the distraction of friends (taking her away from him extra)

When my dd was at uni, there were men out and about who asked for her number and rang immediately, including strangers. She was nervous about them and started to carry a second phone for dodgy types.

She shouldnt be giving out her number to random blokes.

that’s ok, give me YOUR number and I’ll give you a ring when I’ve got time”
I tried that once and once they gave it me they told me to ring it to make sure I had it right.
Without thinking o did. He then had my number. So if you do this makes use you are ready for that.

@Winifredtabago You don’t have a choice when the guy jumps out of the car and demands it in the street. Some men are a bit aggressive. And it obviously wasn’t a number she ever used for anything. It was an unused second phone.

That's not a bit aggressive that's a nutter!

There’s a lot of them about, or there was when my dd was at uni.

"I don't give out my personal data, but am happy to take your number". No promises of contact "if I have time". No " I'm dating someone".
It's clear and concise.

Sorry to derail your thread, OP, but does anyone know what the etiquette is on giving out other's numbers?
Specifically, both DH and my numbers were added to a very large Whataspp wedding group. We could not go to the wedding, but everyone was invited to live stream it. The whatsapp group was about 200 people; everyone's numbers clearly visible.
We are not close to the bride and groom but our number was added nonetheless.
Neither of us is on conventional SM ( just me on MN).
Neither of us had a particular beef about it but it made me ask the question; is it appropriate/ reasonable to do this?

In those cases a rape alarm is more appropriate than a second phone. The less time engaging with people like that the better, say no, walk away and activate the alarm if it comes to it.

That’s why I used to say that I didn’t have my phone on me. If they push, say that you don’t have your phone because you’ve been at work/swimming/forgot it, and get them to write down their number. Then say something like, “Thanks. I’ll add that to my contacts”. If they push you to text them when you get home so they have your number, say “Sure. I’ll text you in the next few weeks when I have a moment as I’m rushing out today and am pretty full with work and social stuff for the next few weeks”. They’ll probably push you to text in the next few days, but just nod and smile so you can get away.

I wonder if our male relatives and friends have any idea of the lengths women have to go to, the calculations we are constantly making, to keep ourselves safe from dodgy men and creeps ?

No way.
They don't even understand when I explain things.
I'm 21, conventionally attractive (or whatever you want to call me) and so I get hassled, harassed and hit on all the time.
One example of men not understanding : last week I was told by a man that I was "crazy" to walk "the long way round" from the station to my house.
"It's well lit" I said, "your way is a dark alley".
"So?", he said, "its quicker - that's all that matters!".