Looking for resources on how to raise kind/non violent boys

[leftorrightnow]

In DS’s class (year 2) there’s currently an issue of boys in general being aggressive/violent towards some of the girls. I’d like to share some resources/links on how to raise kind and non-violent boys to share in the parent group.

this is an international school so the parent group is very diverse. Looking for something not explicitly feminist (not w that word in the title at least) and not too focused on gender diversity in terms of LGBT+ issues, as this will immediately make some parents (the ones who need it the most) shut down.

something which has practical tips and is quite fact based would be good. not the time and place to be ideological, looking for the highest impact approach which I think in this case would be pragmatic.

any ideas?

I’d roll my eyes at any parent sharing unsolicited parenting advice on a parents’ WhatsApp group. You’ll just come across as superior and a know it all. If people share their troubles or ask for help that’s one thing but I don’t think you’ll actually achieve anything.

No need to be condescending. Also no need to belittle smaller efforts for those who don’t have the ability to commit
to volunteering. I’d love to volunteer (and did so extensively before kids), but with two kids and a full time job and very elderly and unwell parents I care for as well, that’s not realistic at the moment. So I do what I can in my current circumstances and don’t beat myself up that I’m not superwoman. some people don’t even have the bandwidth to think about things like this and guess what? That’s okay too. What’s not okay is trying to belittle and sabotage efforts to move the needle on issues of equality, in whatever small or big way that is.

hmm that’s so interesting. When other people share advice or resources I either look at them and consider them or if I don’t them irrelevant, I just ignore them. Haven’t felt the need to roll my eyes at others since I stopped being a teenager.
but I do realize plenty of people don’t have the emotional maturity not to take offense and consider things like this “unsolicited advice” so in fact I’ve never shared a link or resource or anything anywhere. But if some
people ask, as they sometimes do, I’ve shared stuff.

Yes agree so much! I try this regularly w DS. Like I ask him how did you feel when x y or z happened? How do you feel now? Helping him identify emotions. Seeing my husband in therapy struggle to identify his emotions really made me realize I don’t want DS to end up like that. Actually I’ve gotten a bit away from doing this recently, thanks for reminding me!

This 100%

when now 20yo ds was little it was Little Monster this and Here comes Trouble that all over boy’s clothes

I refused to buy this crap for him. Label the kids and that’s what they think they have to be.

exercise. It’s key. When the hormones kick in, they need to burn off the tension

my DS took up boxing at 15 and it absolutely transformed him. He got fit, his attitude was good both at home and at school

PLUS I knew he could defend himself or run like fuck if he needed 😆

spoke to his trainer and he says ALL boys are like that at this age.

What? You think that as long as boys exercise they won’t become misogynists? That’s hilarious. While I do think exercise is great and important, I wholeheartedly do not think it’s got anything to do with teaching empathy, gender equality, emotional maturity or self awareness or any of the other key ingredients of an emotionally mature person. Well…may teach you a bit about team spirit and sportsmanship (lol pun wasn’t even intended!) but if you’ve got any insight at all into the often toxic and hyper Marcus like and competitive culture in many sports, you’d know that wasn’t the case. Jeez. Look at football culture. Boxing at that!
DS, as it is, plays football twice a week and does athletics, he absolutely loves it and I think it’s great for getting rid of excess energy and obvs keeps him strong and healthy, but especially the football I also see being a little tricky emotionally. It’s very hierarchical and he’s quite obsessed w how good he is compared to this and that other boy, and I see how the few boys in his class who don’t play football but prefer drawing or legos, are becoming outsiders and don’t really “count”. So I truly disagree. I of course allow him and support him in his interest in sport but I try to balance this out by encouraging an interest in reading widely, as I find literature great for empathy. I’m also trying to get him to play an instrument or do drama but he’s firmly refusing and only talks about Ronaldo day and night. Not my preferred role model. I don’t make him feel bad about that though I take an active interest and support his football mania but I honestly hope with time his interests will widen.