Female colleague hates that all top positions in out workplace are also female

[MeatPotatos]

One of the things I most like in my job is that I work with strong, intelligent, capable, assertive women who makes thing happen

All the way to the top, the most important positions are held by females and our organisation is one of the best in the sector

In my small team of only 3 people, all female, we were talking about our workplace organogram and colleague said that she hates there are no men at the top as women are controlling, bitching, have too much attention to detail

The she realised she was talking to us and said ‘not you guys’

But except from the attention to detail (which colleague has very little of / and how is that a bad thing anyway?) nobody in our workplace - men or women - are controlling and bitching

In fact she has said in the past that this is the job where she has been least micromanaged (she comes from a industry heavily male orientated)

I despaired, started talking but decided to shut up. My manager was astonished.

Internalised misogyny. It's not rare.

It's very common, I've come across this a lot from women who only have male friends to women who support abusive men.

It doesn't matter how badly women are treated, women are either worse or to blame. You even get women who support misogynist regimes.

It's partly because siding with the oppressor is an easy life. It's far more difficult to put your head above the parapet.

These kinds of women think they're not like the rest - naturally.

Do you think it’s discomfort with the less usual situation that she’s interpreting incorrectly?

All the female bosses I have had in my life have been awful. Really really awful. Thats just my anecdotal experience.

Oh and thinking about it, she is originally from one of those countries that treat women very very very badly - apparently one of the reasons she is here is to get away from opression

It is sad - I know there are some people that are how she describes but this is not the case in our workplace

I just lost a bunch of respect for her unfortunately, not only because of her views but also lack of self awareness and failure to contemplate her own work environment

Also it could be a sign of who she really is as she might be projecting her own issues on other women

All the female bosses I’ve had have been brilliant. Supportive, generous, had their teams’ backs.

That’s my anecdotal experience.

No she seems very comfortable with all of our colleagues and leaders and she has always been treated very well.
I guess she wasn’t thinking - putting her foot on her mouth is one of her characteristics

I’ve had bad male bosses and bad female bosses

I’ve had good male bosses and good female bosses

I’ve worked in 3 different countries in 4 different careers

she is originally from one of those countries that treat women very very very badly

There's your answer. She's been brought up in an extremely misogynist society and has similar beliefs.

I work in a male dominated industry, of the women in the industry there are a very small number who bat their eye lids and act helpless to manipulate the men, especially when they are under performing. If, as you say, she has poor attention to detail, she may have relied on tactics like this in the past that she can't use now with other women.

But yeah, agree with others, sounds like internalised misogyny.

I didn’t want to mention that but I’ve seen her compliment male colleagues and clients on their appereance many times - to be fair she does to women too but the difference is very palpable - she has that ‘charming’ personality and loves to flatter people when she needs them - but some (me included) can see theough it and it only goes so far - eventually the cracks will be too wide too hide

I expressed myself badly. Having such a female environment and strong female leadership is unusual.
Some people will pick up on something being ’not quite normal’ and find something random to blame.
Different must be wrong.

It is unbelievable how well this works for some women when dealing with men in the workplace, I don't usually like to comment on women's appearance, but I have even seen a woman that is not conventionally attractive and everyone knew she was married, this weird flirting style got her so far with male colleagues and consultants, getting them to help do her work or do her favours. This is in the construction industry.

I am over 40 and all the examples I can think of are women over 40 too, I hope younger women are better than resorting to this.

It must be annoying if a tactic you have always used to get people to help you do your job no longer works.

Well guess which industry she is coming from? Anyway she isn't 40 yet and more fool them who gets flattered so easily - men or women fragile egos

I've never had a female boss. I had one (matrix structure) 2 levels and dotted line above me once and currently my CEO is female (a few levels above and no women at all inbetween) - so i would be worried/uncomfortable if i suddenly faced a situation with all female managers- and maybe would have some prejudices about how they would behave. that said controlling and attention to detail don't strike me as even stereotypical female characteristics and are very typical in male managers. I'd probably have a concern that female senior leaders would be more alpha male than the most alpha male man - (partly because in my industry to a degree thats what you "need" to get promoted) but with some bias. That said our CEO isn't at all like that,

The only other prejudice potentially against women comes from the fact that a lot of the women i have seen in positions of authority who are manipulative. unproductive and unaccountable (and often flirty etc) are women in HR - i don't think this is internalised misogyny - its people in HR i have a problem with

I've just left a job because of the controlling, micromanaging male manager. And men definitely gossip and batch. I've worked in a particularly male dominated area of tech for over a quarter of a century. There's a fine line between networking and gossiping, and new are at least as likely to cross it as women, probably more so.

Her remark was very ‘off’ and expressed in inappropriate language. I guess that she is used to seeing men in authority roles and the company setup confounds her expectations.

It is also true that attractive younger women do have an advantage in the workplace. I was recently on a recruitment panel (mostly female) and had to fight quite hard for the appointment of an older, more experienced woman versus a younger, more appealing woman. Any negative comments from those opposed to the older candidate were obliquely related to her age, personality or presentation.

It’s tricky to unpick. You can be very able and good at your job, but at the same time aware that senior people men might like you for a reason that isn’t wholly work-related.

God only knows what men are thinking might happen but they are very prone to optimism on this topic!

I work in a heavily male dominated industry and men can be so bitchy!!!

I’ve been luckily and all the female senior leaders are great. Clever, competent, confident, and compassionate. I would say though, diverse teams have been proven to be more production (sex, race, culture, etc.), so it may be worth looking to diversify if the talent pool is there.

You are possibly one of the best because that attention to detail!
So she should be getting some of her own and abandoning the bitching.

Yes, if she struggles with attention to detail, maybe she thinks that a male boss wouldn't notice so much!

Sounds a little like Tall Poppy Syndrome. Be on the lookout for jealousy/envy and destructive behaviors. Would she feel the same way if she were in the leadership role? This is a red flag, and I would keep my radar up around her.

Well, it's hard to speak in absolutes but the studies show time and time again that women much prefer working for male bosses than for their fellow females - in fact they vote even more strongly on this than men do.

Studies have also shown that men collaborate better than women and a man/woman will usually collaborate better than two women. Also, women are less likely to want to help another woman the more senior she is to them. There have been threads on this before so maybe I can pull out the links to said studies.

The tendency is that people usually talk about 'internalised misogyny' but I'm a little sceptical of this. My experience is that a lot of women can be more petty than the average man and you see it in all the drama threads about MILs and 'what did she mean by this?' topics.

It's always been the case that boys bully physically and girls more psychologically and I've defo found that women can be more political and cliquey in offices. Worst for me was the legal sector where my boss didn't sympathise with other women with kids and instead had the attitude of "well, I had to go through it so why shouldn't they".

Now working in the construction sector and much prefer it. That's just my tuppence.

Well, it's hard to speak in absolutes but the studies show time and time again that women much prefer working for male bosses than for their fellow females - in fact they vote even more strongly on this than men do.
Studies have also shown that men collaborate better than women and a man/woman will usually collaborate better than two women. Also, women are less likely to want to help another woman the more senior she is to them. There have been threads on this before so maybe I can pull out the links to said studies

Then all I can say is that I’ve been bloody lucky with my female bosses & colleagues so far.

I'd love to see these studies. Could you provide the links please?

It's always been the case that boys bully physically and girls more psychologically and I've defo found that women can be more political and cliquey in offices.

Some of what you're saying doesn't make sense. For example the 'boys club' which is made up of men drinking, playing golf and otherwise networking while excluding women. In fact there are/were all male networking clubs.

One in four women experience domestic abuse which isn't always physical in fact it usually involves emotional abuse or bullying. It's not unheard of for men to sexually harass and bully women in the workplace.

You seem to have had one negative experience of a female boss and have extrapolated from that that it's common.

I'd love to see these studies. Could you provide the links please?

Women dislike having a female boss at work even more than men do, a new study has revealed.

Nearly 40 per cent of female workers in America would rather be led by a man, a Gallup survey found.

In contrast, just 26 per cent of men would prefer a male boss.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2797279/women-dislike-having-female-boss-workplace-men-study-finds.html

CBS Local — A survey by MSN found that both men and women prefer to work with men rather than women in the workplace. The survey is believed to be as accurate as a scientific poll. Nearly 500,000 people supplied answers.

MSN found that 20 percent of men and 21 percent of women preferred to work with men, compared to just 6 percent of each men and women preferring to work with women.

minnesota.cbslocal.com/2017/08/04/men-women-work-study/amp/

A study found two women are less likely to cooperate than two men when one is more powerful than the other.

Similarly, two females of different rank are less likely to work together than a man and a woman.

The finding contradicts the widely held belief that women’s nurturing nature makes it natural for them to help each other out, while men are too competitive to have time for each other.

Harvard University researcher Joyce Benenson, one of the study’s authors, said that women’s instinctive distrust of females in power may make it more difficult for them to scale the career ladder.

www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2572235/Women-HATE-office-Females-operate-better-male-bosses-study-finds.html