Is there anything you do…

[SereneMintHam]

That you don’t really need to?

for example. I have shaved my legs and armpits (and toes) since I started producing proper hair. It’s only recently, since my teen daughters said I shave way too much and that’s why I get rashes and itchy legs. So I stopped shaving. To be honest, they don’t shave unless they have to and I’ve never pushed for them to either. Unlike my mother who said I needed to start shaving and to be honest, regrowth for me is everyday.

I would like to add that since stopping shaving I have started to wax my legs, but there is the regrowth phase I need to wax again.

honestly though, it’s hasn’t really bothered my husband and hasn’t noticed now that’s its autumn/winter months. My skin seems less stressed and I haven’t actually got any BO in my now hairy pits.

it’s got me thinking though, what do we do as women/people that we just do because that’s the norm/socially expected or what others have told us we must do? Even though we would be happier/better for us if we didn’t ?

Me too- stopped this year. No ones noticed!
Stopped wearing makeup over the last month too.
I just watched my husband get ready and wondered why my morning routine was busier than his.

I don't shave. I used to when I was younger because I was expected to.

I shave once a week in the summer, don't usually bother in the winter. I used to get waxed, but decided to cut back on my monthly spend on beauty 'maintenance' and spend it instead every other month on nice things like facials and massages. I've spent less and had a much nicer time as a result.

I've found as I've grown older, I have hardly any leg hair. Unfortunately, it's migrated to my chin. 😂 I use Woo Woo for everything else.

I don't dye my hair. I have (or rather had) dark brown hair and now it's going very grey.

I dyed it until about two years ago when I got fed up of doing it, and just thought fuck it. Nobody's mentioned it, and my husband says he's likes it greying (so he doesn't feel like he's the only one haha).

Love this! Ive decided to stop dying my hair this and just let it be. Whats the worst that can happen.

I don't shave. I don't wear make up. I don't dye my grey hair and I don't have any regular things like nails or fillers or gawdaloneknows what else.

Interestingly with the cost of living crisis I've seen many more women my age stop having their hair coloured or having their nails done, and being neat and hygienic but not plucked and primped seems more usual now than it used to be.

Smiling at men
Smiling a lot generally
Waiting to be asked
Wearing a bra
Worrying about VPL
Whispering about periods
Hiding sanitary wear in my house/bag
Worrying about being heard peeing or pooing
Taking the smallest amount of space for example moving aside on a pavement
Worrying that I've talked too much
Worrying that I've upset a man
Understating my achievements
Pushing away or diminishing compliments
Not Speaking up at once about shiity banter
Not going out alone to eat, the pub, cinema

I shave my legs and armpits. I never reveal my legs so nobody ever sees but I do it anyway.
I stopped a few years ago, the only person who saw was DH and he didn't mind but I started again because that's how I like it.
I see it how DH shaves his chin (though that's immediately visible to everyone) - that's how he likes it. Beards are acceptable but he prefers it that way.
I could easily not shave and no-one would notice but I prefer it.
I used to dye my hair because I like different colours but I've got lazy recently and am pretty grey now.
I've never worn makeup.
Can't think of much I do that I don't have to tbh.

Since I've retired I've stopped doing all the stuff I used to do to 'conform' and be presentable.

I feel bloody amazing for it - like a wild, authentic version of myself. A load of the things we do are bollocks dreamed up by marketing people to make money. Ditching it is the most empowering thing.

So many things women do that are expected of us, and they are often so ingrained we feel it’s what we want but it’s hard to separate our wishes from the intense pressures to be a certain ‘feminine’ way. Pps above have described lots of them; also I think things about how my kids are presented come to mind. I get irrationally stressed out about them needing to look neat and tidy for school etc, and the rest of the time I leave them be as long as they are clean enough. My husband doesn’t have that inner sense that he will be judged as a bad parent if they have messy hair or stains. Rationally I know that if I send them in untidy it doesn’t especially matter for theirs or others happiness, and what’s more important to me is that they are confident people who respect others. But still these pressures run very deep. People pleasing too. I know I’m not responsible for others emotions but I still feel it deeply. Be nice, be kind, think of everyone else first - this is a strong pressure on women that men rarely get brought up with. It’s great if we can be like this genuinely but often it’s at the expense of women’s own wishes and needs.

I very rarely wear high heels....they're just not comfortable for me

I should point out, I'm quite privileged in a way because I don't work in an office/corporate environment so have no expectations of dress/appearance standards that many do have.

Thats a really interesting point, i never thought about the ‘kind, niceness thinking of others first’ perspective. But i think you’re right. Thats something i’m going to reflect on.

Same here but then I have size 9 monsters.

In my youth I used to weep in shoe shops.

^reference to my favourite film there... Which is where my user name comes from too 😂

But I'm not kidding, I did cry in a shoe shop once. The lady was lovely and took me round the back and gave me a cup of tea.

I hope you could find wellies. It would be beastly to be in all the mud and oomska without Wellingtons.

Bollocks to the wellingtons, we'll tell him they had a farmers convention or something.

Sorry for the derail. To bring it back to the thread topic: I don't make any attempt to wear feminine shoes. I wear Docs, men's trainers and Crocs.

I do have one pair of absolutely gorgeous blue Italian leather boots which DH bought me a few Christmasses ago from a specialist shop in London that does nice shoes for large-footed women. At about three hundred quid.

And so they're too precious for me to actually wear of course.

You might enjoy this Mitchell and Webb sketch which sums it up nicely!

Be nice, be kind, think of everyone else first in Britain most men don't get taught this, but I can tell you that it also has to do with class.