My wife the abuser

[grandplan]

My wife the abuser - awful terribly sad program.

I can't help thinking where the documentary on women is? Domestic violence is a gendered crime. The majority of victims are women. Where are their 90 minute documentaries?

It's a horrible subject, there are multiple documentaries on dv though against women?

Isn't that whataboutery though?

Yeah I guess youre right. I just feel so angry about all the harm that's being done to women.

Why, surely you should be angry about about the harm being done to a victim whether that's male or female.

From personal experience I can say the reason my brother wouldn't go to the police is the mind set that women are abused and not the abuser. And he would not be believed.

It can only benefit male/same sex victims of domestic abuse the more we talk about it the more the victim whatever sex the victim is.

It's true thanks

Honestly it gives me the creeps there are so many abusive men who like to play the victim my ex used to block me between contact with the children "because I harassed him" the reality was I never text him unless it was child related for example the kids were sick and not at school he needed to collect from my house he showed up at school and screamed about how I was keeping his kids from him properly sobbing they were literally around the corner waiting, then he changed his number didn't give it too me and screamed at me I didn't tell him something! The fact that in four years I've called him on one occasion means nothing in his narrative IM the abuser I used to care what people thought about it all but then I decided I didn't care I know I'm not abusing him I know its him but it's been ten very VERY long years of this

@Theunamedcat so because this victims male, he's obviously lying and is in reality the abuser?

I believe the man in the documentary was the victim.

It was such a shocking documentary and has stayed with me since I watched it months ago
Channel 5 did a few others.
One was 'My Mother My Abuser' which I couldn't watch after 5 minutes, due to the content.
Not sure if they have done one featuring male DV though 🤔

Couldn't agree more op. It's absolutely not whataboutery. There is an epidemic of violence against women by men. Imagine if 2 men a week were killed by their partners. There's no way this would be tolerated. Programmes like this skew the perspective. I'm not for a single second that this man wasn't abused and that the programme shouldn't have been made but where's the national outrage about women.

The vast majority of true crime documentaries/shows about domestic violence are about violent men. Any time it’s a whole series, like “Worst Ex Ever” or “My Lover, My Killer,” I’d say two-thirds or more of the episodes feature male abusers.

While it is obvious that the majority of domestic violence is male on female I think it is a good thing that the opposite is also shown to happen, it may help victims to request help. In my early 20's (30 years ago) I realised a relative was abusing her husband, she terrorised him and threatened to stop him seeing their daughter if he reported her, I was friends with his extended family and walked in on his sister dressing wounds on his back where his wife had burnt him with cigarettes but he still wouldn't report or leave her. She eventually cheated and threw him out of the house built in his family land and moved her boyfriend in, thankfully she allowed full access to their daughter (suited her to have the child spend the majority of time with father and his family). My cousin, the abuser was never reported, never had to answer for her action and her ex never had another relationship. Any programme that throws light on abuse can be beneficial.

No what I'm saying is it gives me the creeps dye to my personal experience and my experience is not unique

One time he ripped my young child from my arms taking my nails off leaving jagged mess one if these jagged bits scratched his arm he then proceeds to say he will call the police and report me because I cut him the fact that he had just slammed my dds head into the wall and threatened our other son was neither hear nor there he wanted it in writing that I was abusive ultimately he deemed it not good enough on this occasion so he didn't call but hos next two girlfriends and his now wife? All three have been reported to the police for abusing him one has been charged with harassment for calling him (when he asked off another phone)

He is good at this

I believe him and it is clear he is deeply traumatised.

If roles were reversed, a man would not have received such a lengthy custodial sentence nor would the police cried over a women's account.

As a social worker I know it is very likely if this were a woman, she would have been deemed unable to ensure her children's safety and they would likely have been removed from her care and placed with relatives.

I also suspect this man might want to take his wife back when she is released.