He only trottotled me three times

[Inevitable2404]

Is what my darling sister said about her 'lovely husband'.

She apparently used to hide from him.

In cupboards.

He died. Good.

I knew he was wrong all the time. Everyone loved him.

He knew I fucking saw him all along. I told him to FUCK OFF 20 years ago.

I saw him so hard I hated him, I didn't know how abusive he was, but I knew he was abusive.

My sister was raped when she was 7 by a man in the bushes

I always knew then that I'd protect her.

But I couldn't.

I feel very fucking sad.

I couldn't help her.

🩷
I'm sorry this happened. The sad reality is that we usually can't stop other people from making choices that are bad for them. This is not a failure in your part. I'm sure you tried and she didn't listen. This is all too common unfortunately.

This is so sad. I hope your sister recovers from the abusive relationship and builds a lovely life.

@XChrome, thanks. I know it's not about me.

It's just made me very fucking sad. Very sad.

I knew he was bad and no-one other than my husband listened.

I knew he was a bad man.

And now he's dead and my sister wants everyone to say he was good.

And she's just told me more than I suspected. They were together 30 years.

When I heard he'd died I said 'Good'.

And my sister was crying tonight and telling me how he slept around for 20 years of those 30 years, and I always knew he was not a good man. I always knew.

I saw him so hard.

We hated each other.

I didn't know he was physically abusive to her though.

Jesus.

Hurrah he's dead.

Ya.

I guess so.

Bad man.

He was so fucking charming, everyone liked him and the fact I didn't caused a bit of a family schism.

It is good that he's dead. Some people might think it wrong to feel that way, that we should never be glad somebody is dead, but I don't agree with that. This is a worthless, incredibly toxic and dangerous person. The world gets a little better every time someone like him leaves it.

It is good that he's dead.

My sister would never have told me what she did if he was still alive.

She kept saying, 'I want you to love him'.

And I said 'I never did, and you know that'.

It was crazy how charming he was.

I'm from an educated family.

I'm one of five children.

Everyone loved him.

Apart from me.

My feelings about him caused family schism for about 20 years.

I was always 'he's a dick, he's not a nice man'.

And Everyone used to just think I was a mental.

I KNEW.

I always knew since he tried it on with me when I was about 20. But no-one believed me because I was a bit all-over then, and he and my sister were 'steady'.

Hell just got a bit hotter. He’s gone, I hope your sister has a happier life now he’s dead. X

It is horrible to be proved right in this way op.

Your poor sister.

But she will slowly start to blossom.

Yeah. I think she will.

She's OK. She's worth about 5m now, but she feels bad for the money.

You deserve that money darling.

I want her to enjoy every fucking penny.

There are so many evil men hiding behind shiny veneers.

if she has resources now, perhaps she would think about private therapy, to help with her grief and the transition to her new life. Maybe, just maybe, she will open up with the therapist enough that it helps in other ways.

@Ponderingwindow

I did say to her, I can't fix this darling. I think you need to see a therapist to work this out.

It's too much for me to unravel.

The biggest two fingers to the man that you can give is to now support your sister to rebuild her life as an individual before she moves on to anyone else. All those people who thought he was great will understand when your sister is very different. Slowly being ground down by someone often isn't noticed by family and often they don't want to see what is happening because it is easier to think of him as a nice man and to think of her as fine/happy/OK. But if she recovers herself then you may find people come out of the woodwork either owning up to the doubts they had or recognising that there is a correlation in the positive change in her and him no longer being around.

It's great she's got financial resources but that makes her attractive to people with the wrong motives. She is lucky to have you @Inevitable2404. Do you think you can help her stand well back from another relationship for a while? She would benefit from counselling and as she has some resources it would be worth finding someone who is accredited by the BACP. There are some counsellors and psychotherapists who specialise in relationships where DA has been a feature and they have specialist training in trauma. I really hope your sister goes on to a better life.

Absolutely @YouOKHun, I have said to her 'Do Not Go Near Any Men'.

She's said she's not interested, but she's been in an abusive relationship for 28 years. I hope she means what she says, I am eyes on though.

Thanks for the signposting, I'll pass it on.