What did I just read in The Guardian?? (tw: child abuse)

[AnnunciataM]

Is it just me or is this article a bit too sympathetic towards a man who was found guilty of viewing images of child sexual abuse? The man in question doesn't seem to have much remorse - he is angry that the police made him tell his wife why he was arrested (calling it a 'nice twist of the knife'), moans that people might think he's dangerous (wonder why?) and his wife actually decided to take him back and make a go of things. They don't seem to have given much thought to the real victims here.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/jul/27/husband-viewing-child-abuse-images

@FunnyLady27
"the things I read on here that women say openly about their husbands is just jaw dropping, and I guess they stay for the kids or desperation or that’s pretty much the behaviours most women are programmed to expect from men, or whatever try to change them etc, the men’s behaviour seems to be just the norm and is acceptable."

I am in a period of revelation myself. Only been single for a couple of years after a lifetime of putting up with too much for too long over multiple relationships. We are totally programmed to accept unacceptable behaviours and worse still, we're programmed to perpetuate it by trying to predict what they will want and serve it up without even being asked to do something we don't want to do. And if we dare question it, well "look at so and so's girlfriend - she doesn't complain". So many women are perpetuating our own and other women's oppression by being complicit in it.

"look at so and so's girlfriend - she doesn't complain"

I had this from my ex when I wanted him to be mostly around at the weekends so both of us got to spend time with the kids and get a break on a fair basis. The friend in question went on big cycling trips every weekend, often away overnight, leaving his wife with two small kids and no weekends off herself. Then it progressed to him doing this WITH A FEMALE COLLEAGUE. But I was supposed to be like this guy's wife and not be such an uptight nagging cow.

"Well she fucking well should complain!" I remember yelling.

True, and there are punishments if we don't go along with it, including from other women. When we refuse to accept the bad behavior of men we often become pariahs with even our own friends and family.
So many women have experienced this sort of thing that I would say it is the norm, sadly. You see a lot of women who are what I call forgiveness Nazis as well. They may give lip service to a man's behaviour being wrong, but they demand you forgive, telling you not to be "bitter." They're all over MN.
Women who do this to other women are collaborating with the enemy. I cannot respect them. It's one thing to accept male shittiness yourself, as I understand how powerful conditioning is, but it's quite another to demand other women accept it just so you can feel like your own capitulation is okay. That's inexcusable IMO.

FFS. Try are such entitled bastards.

@XChrome I started a tread on shit men do which women shouldn't put up with and have been bombarded with comments from women saying basically that men never do anything wrong and if they do it's the women's fault for being in a relationship with them. It's depressing we are so complicit.

Unacceptable things that men do in relationships www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feminism/5133093-unacceptable-things-that-men-do-in-relationships

I'm going to your thread, though I dread seeing those stupid responses. Thanks.

Yeah I read that and I thought it was really disturbing.

This is in the Times today as well 🤮

It’s an impressively grim article. Their self absorption and lack of insight was breathtaking. Boo hoo about selling your dream house. Zero thought about the actual trauma of the real victims of this

What a disturbing read. It also made me think about the enormous extent to which women are conditioned to tolerate and minimise terrible behaviour by men and look after them in all circumstances. This happens in all relationships, marriages, families, friendships, work situations.

I assume reason police make these men say why the police are there to their wives is it reduces the gaslighting they’d do to try and pretend it’s not as serious.

Well yes perhaps. But I would imagine it's more about the police having a (likely legal) duty to ensure that someone who may be at risk (anyone cohabiting with a sex offender, but particularly any child/ children living in the house) are aware of what the man has been accused of so they can take immediate action to protect themselves against any further/ potential harm.

Good point Superlambaanana although the police could tell the wife. I was speculating more as to why they make the husband tell the wife rather than just the police doing so.

I am really angry that he has been allowed to change his name, thank goodness this is now being stopped.

The whole article reads like a How to Get away With Child Porn If you are educated, articulate and middle class Masterclass

change your name

sell your house, move

buy another house

make sure you tick all the right boxes by taking “courses”

make sure you express your deep concern for the abused children while at the same time claiming victimhood for yourself

The article is disturbing and their attitudes shocking. There is no remorse from him whatsoever and he clearly feels sorry for himself. He is not a ‘secondary victim’, he’s a perpetrator. I really can’t fathom how his wife stayed with him and excused any aspect of his behaviour. There are no mitigating circumstances.