Worried about DS viewing potentially dangerous content online

[carolnotduffy]

Hi all,

It's been quite a while since I've posted on here - but I've got an issue which I'd feel more comfortable discussing online than in person.

With the election coming up, DS has been more invested in politics just out of an understandable interest of what is going on in the runnings of the country - though he's a year off being able to vote. I've left him to his own devices with it since he's certainly old enough to be able to form his own judgements, but lately he's been asking me rather odd questions. It started off just by asking my opinion on immigration (especially the whole Rwanda fiasco) but yesterday he asked me whether I felt that feminists had ever bothered to consider men's rights, and if there is a real need to take feminism seriously now that 'women and men face the exact same obstacles'. I obviously discussed this with him for a while but it seemed that the more I went against this notion that he had conceived somewhere the more he seemed totally uninterested in what I had to say.

I'm aware this is quite a minor thing to get all nit-picky over, but I'd like to feel that I've raised my son to be open-minded and tolerant rather than stubborn. I've considered going through his phone to see what sort of stuff he's been watching, but not sure if that's a tad excessive. I'm aware from some friends of mine have had problems with their sons worse than mine (funnily enough it never tends to involve the daughter). Any thoughts? It'd be good to have some advice on what to do to settle my nerves down. I'm open to any criticism of how I've handled things - I want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.

Hi, how old is your son?
My dc know until they're 18 years old I will look through their phones at a seconds notice if I suspect they are accessing things that are concerning.

I've never done it, but in this situation, age dependent, I'd consider it.

If I thought my teenage son was buying the Andrew tate bullshit or was being drawn into right wing ideology I'd definitely want to know what he was viewing.

My dc are quite vulnerable though so I've always been very open until they're adults, I will safeguard them and that includes online.

Luckily my eldest thinks everything and everyone is a bellend atm, so nobody's giving him any ideology as he can't be arsed with any of them, thankfully!

DS is 18, thanks for your response! Something I forgot to mention in the original thread is that DH probably would be furious if he found out I was snooping around on my son's phone - he believes strongly in letting the kids have privacy. However, I have to say in this situation I do feel inclined to and just hope no one finds out about it unless something comes up. Your eldest sounds very much like me, I respect that perspective greatly!

Confession... I am a middle aged man

From his point of view, feminism has already won all the major battles. Right to vote, equal pay for equal work, lengthy maternity leave, child maintenance - the list of successes by feminist is enormas and the legal changes over the past ~100 years covers more or less everything that is clearly unequal in law.
From an 18 year olds point of view, schools tend to favour girls (i.e. he is unlikely to consider being male the privileged sex based on his own observations). Being an 18 year old male comes with suspicion and prejudice that he is up to no good, his female peers are not seen the same way.

Therefore the realities of discrimination and disadvantage to women face today will unlikely be in his world view - in fact the opposite for him is true, especially if you have a stable home and lifestyle. He will have learned at school about larger discrimination and hardship in the world today (where there is not enough food to eat and babies die of very treatable disease) and so the troubles of women in the west may also be hard to sympathise with.

Instead, maybe conversations about what would he would want to change to make the world a better place might bear more fruit in the short term before the election. What changes does he think that a British baby of either sex born today would benefit the most ?

equal pay for equal work,

Well, that's not won, for a start.

long maternity leave

Depends on country. And even for those of us who can't or don't want to have children we're still viewed as likely to take it - which is a barrier to both employment and promotion.

Making a law doesn't mean that is what happens in practice. If it did we wouldn't need employment tribunals..or Police. Or Courts.

Which might need explaining to an 18 year-old, but I'd hope a middle aged man would have more of a clue.