Feminist therapists in London?

[SpoonyLilacDuck]

Hi all,

I'm a 30-something man in a new-ish (<6 months) relationship with a woman. She is a radfem, and has been introducing me to this set of political and social ideas. I'm doing my best to learn, so as to be a better partner, ally, and overall human being. I am finding it lonely, though, at times, as most people (and especially most men) are not e.g. porn-critical.

In particular, in a recent conversation with my (female) therapist, I've been disappointed to find myself having to justify the porn-critical viewpoint. I'd like to find a therapist that will understand my difficulties and support my journey better. A short google for "feminist therapist london" does return some hits, although as far as I can tell these are mostly (rightly) focused on women clients and/or are problematic (e.g. talk about "womxn", and so are clearly not radfem and unlikely to be porn-critical).

Does anyone have any suggestions or overall recommendations? Either therapists or porn-critical talking spaces in which men are welcome?

Thanks in advance!

I don't really understand why you would need a therapist that is politically aligned in any way. A good therapist should be completely neutral - they are not meant to bring any of their political or social opinions into that space, but just help you walk through yours.

It sounds like either your current therapist was asking you to 'justify' your 'porn critical viewpoint' because she was simply asking you about it in order for you to articulate your own thoughts. Could this be the case?

Why are you in therapy? to deal with some actual psychological disturbances or to simply have a space to chat? Are you in therapy specifically to deal with porn addiction?

If you want to chat more about feminist ideas it might be worth going to an event or conference, or feminist bookshop or something like this, rather than specifically looking for a feminist therapist.

Why do you want to voluntarily emasculate yourself like this? It really concerns me to see men capitulate with their masculinity. Spend more time with men and talking to men. Let your girlfriend be a feminist. Good therapists are few and far between. The profession is co-opted by some real undesirables that if you knew personally, would be the last person you’d take any sort of life guidance from. If you're looking for anti-porn discourse there’s an organisation called Fight The New Drug which may be a good starting point.

i wouldn’t expect a therapist to take any particular political position in a therapy session. Perhaps your therapist was trying to challenge you to think for yourself through debate?

There are lots of good books on the radfem position- might be a better place to start than a therapist for this.

Therapists don’t give ‘life guidance’! That is specifically what they are trained not to do. They will just provide a safe space for a client to talk through their own thoughts feelings and beliefs.

OP, I do agree, though, that it’s not necessary (or necessarily a good idea) to look for a feminist therapist specifically, but there are other ways to find out more, as pp state.

As someone who’s seen multiple therapists over the course of my life (before packing it in completely), I’ve found that they do. Perhaps my choice of wording is off, but they do have the capacity shape and influence the way you think about your life. Not in an overt way, but they also aren’t robots so they aren’t going to remain completely neutral.

Lots of feminists are, as you say, pro-porn (sigh). So looking for a feminist therapist would not necessarily help you in that regard. I would be looking for someone who hasn't got a particular political viewpoint (e.g. pro-porn) or at least is able to separate their views from their practice rather than someone who is. The one exception would be if I was looking for therapy for a child I would want someone GC but that's because children's therapy is so captured the trust is gone.

I don't think its emasculating though and its weird a previous poster described it as such.

I understand OP. I had a therapist who used the word cis. When I asked him not to he said I needed to address why it was so triggering as it was just a fact based word. He was very TWAW and kept asking me to analyse why I had an issue with that. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a therapist with shared values.

I'm strongly against activism and politics of any stripe in the therapy room. I'd leave this out of your therapy goals tbh. You're a grown man who can think and reason, this isn't as big a deal you're making it out to be.

Sympathy. Sometimes it feels like you end up talking to someone who doesn't believe in gravity and keeps challenging you to look again why you can't leave objects in mid air.

Who are you to say it’s not a big deal for this person?

I also find it judgemental that a PP referred to OP as emasculated… take no notice.

I, myself am a trained psychotherapist. However, I do try my utmost to leave my political and social stances outside of the therapy room. It’s not about us as therapists and our views, it’s about yours.

I think it’s important to have a good match with your therapist, and to feel aligned values-wise is perfectly fine. What is most important is the therapeutic relationship however, not that your views are completely the same.

I know many clients who seek therapists from an LGBT or certain cultural background however. So I guess it raises the question around whether clients can request therapists from certain political or religious beliefs, and why. It’s an interesting exploration.

It sounds to me like you are more wanting to explore your porn-critical views - like others have said, I’d explore books or radfem groups. Important to be clear on your goals and motivations for therapy.

The point of a therapist IS to make you justify and question your views and feelings. If she just agreed with you, what would be the point?

Many therapists have been led to believe that their 'non-judgemental' stance should extend to condoning a whole range of morally dubious practices: dom-sub relationships, violent sex, porn, transitioning children...