Can you recommend some books for my girls?

[ijustneedtokeepbreathing]

I have three DC, and my youngest two DDs are 7 and 5.

My 5 year old is in Reception and recently has been coming home telling me that she is not a "proper girl" like the other girls in her class. This is because she doesn't like "girls' things" (children's words not mine) such as the usual pink/glittery/purple unicorns etc etc.

It is actually quite upsetting to hear her talk about how she "can't" be a girl.

I have had many chats with both DDs about how toys and games and clothes are for anyone and everyone, that there is no such thing as boys' clothes and toys and girls' clothes and toys, that DD is a simply a girl who happens to like trains, in the same way that some boys like dolls. There are many ways to be a girl.

Can anyone recommend me some fun and age appropriate books that might help these conversations?

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere I haven't encountered Lottie dolls .... I'll take a look.

@jackles working in a nuclear power station sounds bloody amazing!!

In that case it makes a lot of sense that your younger daughter might struggle more with the concept if the age gap between her and her brother is larger.

It sounds like you're already on the right track, to be honest. Just be very clear and very matter of fact about the fact that girls are children with these body parts and boys are children with those body parts, and whether you are a girl or a boy is random luck and can't be changed, but that it makes no difference to what you are allowed to like/do/wear/play with etc. And then keep going with the books and positive messaging about all the things girls can do.

I have followed "A Mighty Girl" on Facebook for some time now and from what I've seen they do a great job of just celebrating all different types of girls and women in a simple, no-nonsense way, and without taking a political stance one way or the other. I think they are managing this largely by celebrating female figures from history, making the contemporary obsession with flags and pronouns and all the rest of it easier to sidestep.

Lottie dolls are great. Made to be the same shape as an average 9yo (not an impossibly curvy woman) as well as all the active outfits. Quite fiddly to get some of the tighter clothes back on, though.

The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tyler is another good book (it’s a short chapter book, so maybe read it together).

I would also gently find out if school is reinforcing it. Are only boys being asked to move chairs ‘because they’re strong’ or only girls being asked to help with doing up coats, are PE lessons splitting by boys versus girls, is behaviour excused as being ‘boys will be boys’ and/or girls being bitchy, are children allowed to use girly or ‘like a girl’ as an insult? You would think not in the 2020s, but unfortunately it does still happen.

It's interesting @MissScarletInTheBallroom because my experience of a female only is that they accept girls can do anything MORE than girls with brothers. I think this is an artefact of not having a brother telling them they can't AND having dad pour all the energy into them. No taking DS to football or kickboxing so he takes DD. I see this with DD. She gets everything from sewing to car maintenance from me. But martial arts, sport and camping <shudder> from DH.

I see my SIL taking her girl shopping and for lattes and BIL taking the boy mountain biking when they were both equally sporty and outdoorsy. Now the girl is an aesthetician. I've been suggesting business school to her so she can run her own beauty business but now the boy has signed up. She far more focused and hard-working but he had the messages. So he will probably earn more.

TTofTykeT is a great book recommendation, @Ambergrease !

Your 5yo may love Tarzana by Babette Cole, it's a lovely and funny picture book.

My DD loves doing DIY with her Dad. Now she's older and he's the favourite (instead of pre-teen years when it was all about Mummy), I really push encourage them to do projects together. She takes great pride in the walls she's rollered, sanding and staining she's done, the stuff she's built or repaired. Her brothers have no interest in that stuff; she's carved a space for herself as the self-sufficient one. It's fantastic.

"What if I married someone like DB1? He'd be comepletely useless. It's important to be able to do all this stuff myself. And I won't have to spend money paying people to do simple jobs. All my friends will want to be like me."

That's really sad, and an important message for any parent reading this.

It wasn't so overt in my family, probably in large part because neither of my parents are remotely sporty, so we were both pushed more in the direction of nice sedate hobbies such as reading and music. I was definitely nudged into ballet lessons by my mum, who had had dreams of satin shoes and pink tutus as a child but was never allowed to do ballet lessons herself and wanted me to live out her own unrealised dreams. I'm pretty sure the idea that my brother might also do ballet never entered either of my parents' heads, despite the fact that there was a boy in my ballet class.

Academically, I was an all rounder who particularly enjoyed the arts and humanities, whereas my brother was slightly dyslexic but really excelled at maths. I do feel that my parents never pushed me to excel in STEM subjects, and whilst they encouraged me to do my best in everything, neither of them ever batted an eyelid at my decision to focus exclusively on arts subjects after GCSEs, which is something I now regret. I couldn't say whether this was because I was a girl, or because they didn't want me to outshine my brother in the subjects he was particularly good at, or because they were just happy to let me do what I liked. Regardless of the reason, I feel that dropping all STEM subjects at the age of 16 limited me in my career choices later on.

I am already trying to bear things like this in mind even though my children are really small. Of course, everyone is buying cars and trucks for my son, and teddies and dolls for my daughter, because of course they are. But, for example, I have asked my friend and her husband to be my children's godparents. Initially I thought I would ask my friend to be my daughter's godmother and her husband to be my son's godfather because I imagined that when we visit them in London, she and I might take our two daughters to see the Nutcracker and our husbands might take our son to the see the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum. Then I checked myself. My children are one and three. Maybe my son will want to see the Nutcracker. I hope my daughter will want to see the dinosaurs. Why would we have separate boy things and girl things instead of all hanging out together? So my friend is going to be my son's godmother and her husband is going to be my daughter's godfather.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing yes yes to Lottie dolls, if she’s into dolls.

all these book recommendations are good. But have you thought about bringing it up with the school as well? Age 5 is classic age for kids to ‘gender police’ each other about what’s for girls and what’s for boys, as they figure out their own sex constancy (if I climb a tree / kick a football am I still a girl? If I play with dolls and like colouring am I still a boy?) As you’ve got older kids you’ve probably heard it all before and know what the school is like but it’s often worth checking in with the teacher that stereotypes are being actively challenged.

look up Let Toys Be Toys for ideas and resources for schools and parents

@QuickNameChangeToys thanks. I did mention it to the school v briefly and a while back. I will revisit it with the teacher, I think.

Some of these are great but maybe a bit old for reception age. For a 5 year old how about Interstellar Cinderella. Also, while not exactly what you asked for, Dogs don't do ballet is a great one in terms of not being limited by stereotypes.

Anything by Enid Blyton... although Dotta reckons I'm uncool because I was always more about 'The Secret Seven' than 'The Famous Five'...

The human condition never changes, just the parameters... so for children today Blyton can be read as purely fantastical rather than tediously and worthily contextual... 😅 Rather like 'Ferdinand The Bull'...

@Buffysoldersister we managed to get Interstellar Cinderella out of the library - fantastic book!

Have a look at this website:
https://www.amightygirl.com/books

You can search results based on her interests.

I follow Kellie Geradi and Emily Candarelli on Instagram Who are both fantastic STEM advocates. Emily is the presenter of Emily's Wonder Lab on Facebook and has a few books too. Kellie is an astronaut.

Our primary aged daughters loved watching True Spirit on Netflix as well. They found the idea of a teenager being able to sail solo absolutely fascinating.

All of these are excellent at combatting gender-stereotyping:

What Are Little Girls Made Of? (Nursery Rhymes for Feminist Times)
The Girls (and its sequel, The Boys)
The Girl Who Loves Bugs
A Dress With Pockets
Not All Princesses Wear Pink

I'm sure I'll think of more later!

Fantastically Great Women Who Changed the World
Fantastically Great Women Who Changed History