Things I've learned as a woman

[Flufferblub]

When I was young, I really didn't get it. I went to a mixed school and felt equal to the boys. We were all doing the same classes. I got a job in a male dominated industry. I did the same job and I was paid the same as the men. I felt equal.

Then I became pregnant, and then I got it. It's just been a slow realisation from then onwards.

One thing I've learned is that it doesn't matter what you wear. I wore the ugliest, frumpiest work uniform imaginable. Just a polo shirt with the company logo, and work trousers. Steel capped shoes. I still had sexual comments and was sexually assaulted at work.

So when people blame women for what they were wearing, I know that's absolute bollocks. It honestly doesn't matter to these predatory men.

That men are vile, male attention is not something I want or need, this quote I found just about sums it up.

Yep, that's true.

I grew up with very misogynistic parents. I knew they were misogynistic, even growing up recognised it. It was tough growing up in that environment. It impacted my brothers the most really. They have delusions of deep superiority over women and one of them has a personality disorder (personality disorders being largely environmental in cause) and my parents disordered thinking really harmed him and he did terrible things. His choice though ultimately.

I think the physical dominance of men and the biological imperative to have children sees women not fully able to capitalise on their strengths. It is a pity.

It took me many years to connect it to misogyny, but I always lived right in the heart of misogyny.

I’ve always been ugly, as a kid, as a teen and as an adult.
The difference of how I was treated compared to average/pretty girls was and is still today staggering.

I have absolute no worth in the eyes of other people.
I was aways either bullied or people act like they didn’t see me.

It came from both men and women.

For large part I actually can’t relate to most feminist (people or literary) because my experience is so different from what I hear and read.

•Can’t relate to harrasment,obviously been bullied and mocked and I’ve been afraid of mean people, but never men or thought they’d harm me.

•Can’t relate to any relationship problems because no man has ever wanted to date me

•Wanted kids, but since the former, never could have them, so can’t relate problems that brings.

Etc.

I’ve always been interested about feminism and women’s worth has great importance to me, but always felt really weird, so I mostly just lurk. So yeah, always been aware of misogy, but in a very different way that other women have.

This was long, I’m sorry!

@ChangedMyNameForThisToAvoidShame Please don't be sorry. We women seem to apologise all the time for just existing or taking up space. You are welcome here and your experiences are valid 💐

Great thread OP, like you I used to think I was equal and then had a realisation that it was all a facade.

One thing I’ve realised is how differently men - I’m thinking about at work really as this is where I notice this the most - treat you differently based on whether they consider you fuckable. If they don’t, they will treat you as if you are invisible. Literally not even bother to use basic manners.

I know it's disgusting. I remember seeing men at my work. Fat, sweaty, bald, no teeth and thinking they were God's gift to women. Looking at women on TV saying Oh she's let herself go, and women in the paper saying Oh look at the state of her! I would always say Oh sorry Johnny Depp!

Like @Beyondbeyondbeyond I grew up in a very patriarchal family. They'll deny it, apparently I'm just "moody" and there's nothing wrong with how they are.
But for example my nephew has been told he's the most important child on his generation because he's the only one who can carry on our family name.

My brother will inherit all of our family tree stuff and heirlooms because of the whole surname thing. (Despite me only not having my birth name because my dc and I changed ours to match) Apparently I still might get married and then mine will change. I won't and it won't.

Growing up if the housework wasn't done it was my fault. The boys got bigger/ better portions of food, even though I was dancing 6x per week and was always starving. The boys were taught DIY and useful things. I didnt need to learn because my husband would do it. I have since taught myself. I neither have nor want a husband!

And yes. When I was younger, slimmer and relatively pretty men paid attention to me, a smile and wiggle of the hips could get me what I wanted. Now I'm almost 40, fat and far less good looking I'm more likely to get abuse from men just for walking past.

That you might think you are enjoying lovely healthy fun open friendships with your male friends, but generally they're waiting for the moment they might get to fuck you.

That if you work in a male dominated industry and don't take part in the aggressive cockfighting, you're not up to it. If you steel yourself to get more forthright, you're a difficult bitch, and not up to it.

I definitely had to turn into a bitch at work to get them to back off. When I was younger, I'd giggle nervously at their comments as we are conditioned to do. After a while, I stopped smiling and giggling and told them to fuck off, and that I didn't give a fuck what they thought. They were affronted. Oh! No need to be like that!

But the stupid jokes and comments slowed down, and they backed away from me a bit. Probably hated me, but I stopped caring.

Plenty of women don't think of themselves as unequal until they've had DCs or been abused/assaulted.

Yes this is so true.