Daughters Christmas Presents

[Sweetpea1989]

Be gentle with me - this is a new board and new language to use, but after Christmas something doesn't sit right.

I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and this Xmas everyone has bought her princess related stuff, dress up dresses, hair accessories, 2 play makeup sets, jewellery boxes, tiaras, clip on earrings, and it's all just too much. I feel it's teaching my daughter she will only get the reaction of
'Wow' and 'don't you look beautiful!' When she walks into a room and she's covered head to toe in accessories.

I will absolutely manage it different next year and request a better mix of presents - but dont get me wrong I don't want to forbid her dressing up - I want her to explore and be creative and play etc but I just feel she doesn't get the same reaction or attention or validation when she's not dressed up. I don't know if this makes any sense and I'm probably over thinking it but I would be keen to know your thoughts.

Please be kind, I love my daughter and want to raise a strong independent young woman who believes in herself and that she doesn't need to change herself to get validation from others.

I’m due a DS in April and already have 2 DDs. He will have hand me down toys so will have a range of things from dolls, barbies, cars, role play sets, kitchens… He’ll be allowed to play with whatever he shows interest in just like my DDs have been.

However, boys are not at the significant disadvantage in life. A lot of their toys and clothes encourage being active and promote building, innovation, engineering… Not all of them of course but they don’t tend to have #bekind written on everything.

My post wasn’t meant to imply that boys shouldn’t be encouraged or exposed to a wider range of things but that parents of girls tend to be more aware of the disadvantages they face and try to counter it. I know I am trying to raise strong minded, independent girls who know their worth!

I didn't realise until I had my own daughter what a sterling service my very conventionally feminine mother did by telling me constantly what a strong little girl I was and how much she admired my strength of character! She was great at encouraging positive traits she wished us to have by assuming we already had them. Thanks Mum

It's just stuff though. Show them you value them for their opinions and character, not the stuff they dress it up in.
I have 2 former princesses, they favoured pink and lilac, before the obligatory (round here in the 2010s anyhow) Goth phase.

One is at uni doing STEM subject, a student ambassador and mental health mentor. Other at uni doing English and the treasurer of her local Socialist party, stands in the city centre being spat at for her views. Neither dress like princesses any more. One is currently on the living room floor doing core exercises after 3 months low physical activity on a boat measuring something or other round Cape Horn. The other shooting stuff on skyrim.

Other stuff has always been valued much more highly than looks here.

(Edited to remove a mistype)

My DD(3) insisted on wearing safety goggles out today because she wanted to be a construction worker. Later, she was wriggling around on the floor as a mermaid. I’d say that’s good balance! 😂

I agree with the balance comments above and also recognise the Op’s unease. I want my daughter to know she’s beautiful, but there’s so much more.

I think the majority of kids do go through a princess phase though - boys and girls if they are allowed and why not? There’s nothing wrong with sparkles and glitter. My DD is emerging from the other side of her phase now but had a younger friend who’s a boy over yesterday and he only wanted to play with her Frozen palace and Elsa dress - much to the bemusement of his parents. Sadly he has nothing like that in his home, just duplo and footballs.

As long as your daughter loves Christmas presents I honestly don't see what the problem is.

I think you are right to notice this and to want to make some changes next year.

Of course you want your two year old to have a range of toys. Two make up sets, hair accessories, tiaras and clip on earrings are all one sort of toy.

When they are three they really start playing properly so next year will be a lovely time.

I think if she likes and enjoys that stuff then there's nothing wrong with it. You can be a girly girl and still strong and independent. Just because you like the colour pink it doesn't mean you are not an intelligent and capable person.

If she's more of a tom boy and it's family trying to coerce her into girly stuff then that I would take issue with and would advise them next year that she doesn't like XYZ and would prefer ABC...

Just let her naturally select what she does and doesn't like and she'l become confident in knowing who she is x

I completely get it OP. It's a real issue and one you are wise to be aware of and guard against.

I banned all that shot for my daughter when she was younger. Pissed loads of people off within my family. It was great till she started school. She was a confident inquisitive child with the full range of toys and interests. Then she started school and morphed into a pink glitter lemming. She even said the other day shopping for school supplies that she would like X back pack but can't have it at school as she will nager laughed at. Ipted for this hideous thing neither of us like but social pressure to be extremely 'feminine' is not something an 8 year old can stand against

Sorry typos. NYE and I'm drinking