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Feminism: chat

Don’t know how I should feel

2 replies

Anon568 · 14/10/2023 14:45

So when I was 17 my Dad died of cancer. Very soon after is started going out with a man (21) and we used to go out to bars and clubs with his friends. He bought me lots of drinks, in fact we drunk all day and all night. We never had sex. One night on the way home, I was very drunk, he pulled down my pants and tried to have sex with me, he had is hand firmly on my back over a fence. I remember taking a while to realise what was going on, I said no. I had to say it several times, I was struggling against him and I eventually he stopped. He had not managed to do it. I finished with him after this.

I often look back and think about this time, I sort of wonder whether I over react about it, but now I have my own girls I realise what a vulnerable person I was (young, drunk, just lost my dad, older man). I still can’t shake the feeling that it was really wrong. However I then think we’ll we were going out and I had accepted all the drink he gave me and stupidly put myself in that situation.

Just looking for thoughts really, opinions. More to organise my own feeling about it. I saw him recently after 20 years and it’s brought it back to life almost.

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 14/10/2023 17:22

Of course you didn't over react. He was trying to rape you, you were not in a fit state to initially consent and then you were clearly saying no whilst he tried to carry on. I'm not surprised you still think about it many years later.

If you want to talk to someone about this then you could try Rape Crisis:

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/it-happened-some-time-ago/

Transparent2 · 14/10/2023 18:15

It was definitely really wrong, whether or not he had deliberately got you drunk, whether or not he was drunk, and whatever was going on in his head. There is no excuse for his behaviour. You may have been a bit naïve, but men should respect you not take advantage of you. And trying to force sexual attention on someone is never OK.

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