If you were to choose your own surname...

[2PintsOfCidernaBagofCrisps]

For the last year or two, I have been considering the possibility of legally changing my name to something of my own choosing. I've had two surnames in my life; one from a useless father and the other from an even more useless ExH. I reverted back to my maiden name after the divorce so haven't shared a name with my children for many years now. I don't want a name that is connected to weak men. As I say, my dad was useless and his dad was useless...and so it goes.

Ideally, when my children turn 16 we would all change our name together and become our own clan. They don't see their their dad, so I don't think its outside the realms of reality but even if they didn't want to, I think I'd like to do it anyway.

So, then it comes to selecting a name. There's so many to choose form that it becomes a huge task. I swither between MacPhee which was my beloved Grandmothers maiden name, and ticks the Scottish box for me (I'm Scottish). Or, Mayfair/Mayfaire, from one of my favourite books, which has a strong theme of powerful women.

What would you choose?

I wish I hadn’t changed my name when I married.
I love my maiden name, it’s very unusual, and I will go back to it one day!

I’ve been married a very long time and sincerely wish I hadn’t changed my name when I got married but it was the done thing then. However, if I was to change my surname I would go back to my father’s original Polish name. He was forced to change his surname by the army when he was sent to Germany in 1944.

I changed mine to my great grandmother's maiden name, and I love it.

I'd pick the name that has a connection to your family.

My Mum did this for similar reasons, and chose the surname of her (great? Great great?) gran, who was featured in old postcards of the area as she was a skilled artisan worker.
She also changed her first names as she'd never liked them!
Made for an interesting time when I had to register her death, as they ask if she was known by any other names... well, yes, four sets! They didn't have space!

I've thought about this too. I also like a GGM's maiden name. There's a lot going on in my little life right now, there may be a chance to change it at some point in the future.

I've thought about this too. I didn't use my husband's name but I'm not fond of having my father's name, never really have been.

I like the idea of a surname that's along the lines of the Quaker names. Maybe Fortitude or Amity.

I’ve never changed my name. My name is my father’s but he was a good man. I’d choose a family name if I did change it.

I'd choose your grandmother's name. Follows the maternal line so still familial, without any negative associations. Bonus that it's a Scottish surname too!

I've only ever used one name, but if I had changed my name I would have gone for the surname of my great aunt who was absolutely kick ass. In your situation I'd go with the family connected name, more for your dc than anything so they keep a strong connection since they don't have any on their dads side

Same here.

plan is to change it when youngest turns 16. The name I have picked out is from my favourite poet.

I told Dh we either both changed names or neither when we married. He asked what I would change my name to. I said Minogue. We kept our own names. 😂

I've been pondering this too. I really want to go down my maternal line but the only one that i can remember and doesn't need spelling out loud (sick of that) doesn't go well with my Christian name. Annoyingly my DM did our family tree but it got "lost" when a nc DB took it all, grrrr

In your case, especially since you love the Scottishness, is go for MacPhee.

I have my 'Fathers' surname and I hate it so much, I have letter after letter of him disowning me, saying I wasn't his and that he "didn't care what happened to me" and so he has never been involved in my life. I found him in my 40s and I'm the exact image of him but without DNA tests I'll never know for sure, my contact with him was very short lived, I only saw him the once and I'll never see him again

If he's not my father then I have no rights to the name, he was married to my birth giver when I was conceived but divorced before my birth, My birth giver uses her maiden name, (she didn't raise me either) so I wouldn't use her surname, I also hate my first name as my birth giver chose that.

I will change my name I love the surname Hastings but I believe the meaning is 'violent' so that's out. So I'm actually thinking of using 'Snow' thanks Game of Thrones for that idea, it's very fitting.

I just cannot think of a first name, every first name that I actually like or think of reminds me of a bully or abuser in my child hood, so I've hit a brick wall, but when I have my light bulb moment I'll be sending off the forms

I didn’t change my name when I married… 40 years ago and many people were horrified. Got a lot of “ What does your husband think!”
My dad is a wonderful man who brought his two daughters up to believe we could do anything. My grandfather was a socialist who suffered for his political beliefs.
I am proud to carry their name and my children do too. Its also a really wonderful unusual name.

I would look back on the maternal family tree and find a name mothers mothers mothers mother etc

A friend changed to Lovelace after Ada.

OP what do your children think?

@DimplesToadfoot try looking at local records going back a few years for a rarer name. I'm a teacher, many teachers have a struggle to find na,es for their own children that are not reminders of pupils.

Ehat about Mya after Mya Stone?

https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Mya_Stone

The kids haven't been against the idea but the conversations have all been along the lines of "one day..." so I don't think they have given it a great deal of thought.

My son, who is currently has 15, has spoken for several years about wanting to change his name when he turns 16 as he doesn't want to keep his dads name. I do think he will want to proceed with that. He planned to change it to my name - but I don't want that name....

I've mentioned to him about the idea of us selecting our own name and he made all the right noises that he's up for that. However, he's such an agreeable sort he would call himself Mr Fluffy if I told him it was a good idea 😂So, once he's 16 I'll raise it in a more serious way but I really need to let him reach his own conclusions and let me know if he actually wants to do it.

My daughter, 14, has never said much about it either way. I wouldn't want to make her feel somehow disconnected if Son and I wanted to name change and she didn't. So, that's another bridge to cross.

My husband and I both changed our names on marriage so that we would have a shared name if we had children. To be honest, we wouldn't have done that if our names had worked as a double barrelled name, but they didn't.

We chose my mother's maiden name as it was straightforward, went with most first names and fairly common. I slightly regretted it a few years later when we moved to a small village with the same name but spelled differently.

I would go with the "family" name.

Actually, if it works, could you take your grandmother's first name as a surname? Or another strong woman's name?

My grans first name wouldn't work as a surname, sadly. Im lucky to have quite the assortment of strong women in my life, that I would certainly like to honour. My mum would make the most sense but neither her first name or maiden name are ones I would choose for myself. I agree with previous posters that taking my grans maiden name makes the most sense.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just taking a stand where one isn't really needed. My gran had the same name as me and had that name for far longer than she went by MacPhee. So, do I stop fixating on the weak men from my life and just keep my current name; instead choose to connect it with my gran rather than my dad? So many paths to explore...

Smith

Easy to spell, easy to pronounce 😄

Although I've always liked Fox and Winter too, and my secret fave surname is Christmas because it would make me smile a lot say it 😁

It's a difficult one this, because all family names are men's names in the UK.

I've wondered about being Massive X - in the vein of Malcolm X (or should that be Massive XX ) or Massive Karensdaughter (Karen being mum).

Or just choosing a nice wafty plant name like Massive Willowherb.

I'm in the same predicament except I'm also engaged. I have no plans to take my next husband's surname but don't want to go into the marriage using the last one's either.

@SingingSands I love the name Winter too, but not the season! It does go beautifully with my name though.

Glad I read this thread because it's given me an idea from my mum's line that I hadn't thought about before. I'll follow for more inspiration!

I did choose mine, in that I officially added my mother's maiden name to my father's just after I turned 18.

If you don't like your mother's, choosing your grandmother's sounds fine. I wouldn't take a book character's.