Is the "law of polarity" the same BS as trans ideology?

[montecarlo7]

I am hoping to get some insight into this from other people.

Just a bit of background on my question.

I am someone who a few years ago when trying to find a partner online got suckered into an online program by a coach who was selling a program that helped you to access your "feminine side". The idea was that to attract a masculine sort of man who would want to commit, you need to be more feminine. The ideas underpinning the coaching program were the law of polarity (info on this below).

I am also someone who questions the idea that being a woman is a "feeling" that one can experience. I believe that sex is binary and no-one can change sex. Gender is a construct.

I suspect that there is overlap between trans ideology and the law of polarity that I was taught. I'm interested to hear your insights because I can't quite get my head around this.

Info on the law of polarity (from https://thetrulycharming.com/law-of-polarity-increase-attraction/) - I consider this to be BS but am linking it just to give an example of what this law of polarity is considered to be.)

The law of polarity is the idea that romantic relationships work best when one party has masculine traits and the other party has feminine traits.

Masculine and feminine energy are both defined by certain individual traits.

The person in their masculine energy is typically purpose-driven.

Masculine polarity is about facing obstacles, breaking through barriers and accomplishing goals. It’s about making things happen.

Individuals with strong masculine energy tend to be focused on their goals and love challenges.

Masculine energy is about doing.

It’s about moving with a purpose and taking action.

The “masculine” partner is protective, supportive, and encouraging, and they tend to be the guiding force of a relationship.
Feminine energy instead, is about being in the now and feeling.

It’s about being soft, playful, opening up, and receiving. It’s about bonding, connecting, being vulnerable, and allowing the other person to lead.

The partner who is more in touch with their feminine side tends to be creative, loving, nurturing, empathetic, and compassionate.

Intuition is one of their inner strengths and they tend to listen to their heart rather than their head.

Also, when two people with these two opposite energies meet, there can be attraction.

_

The interesting thing about doing this program to increase my feminine energy was that it did attract way more men into my life, but just not the men I wanted to date. They seemed regressive sorts of men who were "manosphere bros". They told me how wonderful it was to encounter such a feminine woman since most women are not feminine these days

The other issue with the program was that I found this behaviour of becoming "soft" and "open" made me vulnerable to predators.

I now feel that the ideas in the program did me a disservice.

The rest of the program was about stuff like, wearing feminine clothing, doing "feminine" hobbies like dancing, following your menstrual cycle and altering your schedule according to how much energy you have.

The program stated that it's also fine to be a woman who chooses to be the masculine polarity instead, in which case you need a guy on the feminine side.

Can any minds sharper than mine help me out on what this new age law of polarity is, and is it the same BS as trans ideology, where we have "masculine" and "feminine" souls?

I also tried to find scientific evidence that there are sex differences in the brain and found that women in general are more compassionate. I'm sure there are other differences too.

I think there are innate differences between biological men and women that do align with the traditional gender stereotypes. Men have a greater tendency to compartmentalise, are more interested in things than in people, are less empathic, are less agreeable, more likely to focus narrowly, and so on. But these tendencies are all on a spectrum, and some people are at the soft end and some at the hard end. As for what works in relationships, I think it's a matter of finding someone who complements you, whatever you are. In some ways I'm a typical man, but in other ways I'm quite feminine. My female partner is similarly feminine, but with some more masculine traits. We work well as a couple.

I think you can look around at couples and see for yourself.

Women usually want someone stronger than them and someone who is capable of protecting them. I don't want a 'feminine' guy and men don't particularly want a 'masculine' woman.

These replies are baffling me. I thought I was in FWR!

What is FWR?

Sounds 'tradwife'.

Ultimately it's a misogynistic view that women should accommodate men, but men don't need to accommodate women.

It just sounds like the same old cliche’s of male and female behaviour - men strong, rational and in control, women emotional, weak etc. All re- hashed 1950’s stereotypes.
I see what you mean trans ideology also defines gender along those lines.

Does this have a scientific basis or is this just how many people see it because of social conditioning?

That's what I thought.

It also felt really shit trying to become more "feminine". It just wasn't me. I am outwardly very feminine looking, but inwardly I am a take charge sort of person, which didn't fit with the program's idea of what it is to be "feminine".

I feel terrible looking back because this program cost thousands and all it did was attract a bunch of red pill guys into my life who were looking for a trad wife. Ugh. There is nothing online negative about the program either - no bad reviews. Only rave reviews.

The thing the program recommended was letting men lead in the relationship and being really passive. And remaining sort of passive even when in a relationship.

The founder of the program is way more successful than her husband and built this company but she has made him the CEO of her company and he now runs it. To keep the "polarity" between them.

I also found a study which found that there is no sex difference in the ability to empathise

I also tried to find scientific evidence that there are sex differences in the brain and found that women in general are more compassionate. I'm sure there are other differences too.

You need to read Gina Rippon's The Gendered Brain. (Short version: the idea of innate neurological difference is pretty much entirely bollocks.) It's a really interesting book, including delving into the history as well as looking at the modern neurology studies. One of the huge problems with the latter has been that scientists, like you, have been 'trying to find scientific evidence that there are sex differences' rather than 'looking to see whether or not there are sex differences'.

As for your original question - yes, there's a lot of common ground. It sounds as if your course was, as PP said, the tradwife, conservative side of gender nonsense; but that and 'progressive' trans ideology are both based on firmly held stereotypes and a foundation of misogyny.

One if the simplest summaries I've seen of the different views of gender is the washing up one:

Gender conservatives: women do the washing up.

Trans ideology: whoever does the washing up is a woman.

Gender critical feminism: everyone should take turns washing up; neither your genitals nor your clothes are relevant to the task.

Or to put it another way

Gender conservatives: Sex is real and determines your gender.

Trans ideology: Gender is real and takes priority over sex , which may or may not be real but if it is it's not linked to sex.

Gender critical feminism: Sex is real but for most day-to-day purposes irrelevant; gender is oppressive nonsense.

@BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn - thanks so much for the insight and book rec. That sounds like exactly the book I need to read to learn more about this.

If anyone has any other book recommendations on this topic I'd be very interested. I'm going to write an online review of this program since there is next to nothing about it online in terms of real reviews, except rave reviews and I want to do my homework first.

@montecarlo7 "The founder of the program is way more successful than her husband and built this company but she has made him the CEO of her company and he now runs it. To keep the "polarity" between them."

Arf! I assume what that means is that he gets paid more than she does and thinks he runs it?

Nah, he now mostly does the work in her business and she brings up the kids. They share the profits presumably.

He's an "alpha male" who likes a traditional set up.

What about the effects of testosterone?

The op made me think of manifestation coaches who sell the law of attraction. I think it's more about making people think they can change the world around them by putting out different "vibes" than trans ideology.

Any coaching programme that has you bend yourself out of shape away from your own innate personality in order to 'attract a mate' is a recipe for long term misery.
Even if it's successful the person you attract will be someone not compatible with who you actually are!
I'm a blokey woman in some ways, my DH likes me the way I am (he's not a feminine man), the person I'm with is a good fit for me. Why on earth would you pursue anything else.
Donning a different personality like it's a fancy dress outfit and then living with the person that brings you sounds like hell.

No idea if this polar attraction bs had any synergy with the trans stuff. Not really given it any thought, but that coaching programme is madness wrapped up as science.

Not sure how you think this and Trans are the same.

Just skimming it could be re-phrased and no one should have nay issue with it. It is people specialising in different tasks. Unless a coupe is in to buying and doing up houses it makes sense for one person to take more interest in fixing things around the home. If one person is more interested in travel and a capable organiser then them planning holidays makes sense.

If you don’t assume that the roles are automatically allocated to men or women then what is wrong. You are likely to find on average they sill skew to stereotypical allocations but there are plenty of couples where they wife sorts the DIY and Dad works part time to cover child care.

Would you want a relationship where you are exactly the same and every task was exactly equally split/jointly performed? It would be inefficient and dull. You need some level of common interests and separate interests, if you call that “polarity” then fine. If the issue is that someone has applied that to ridged stereotypes then just discard that.

The trans stuff is really different.

On brain differences when someone recommends a book where they claim there is no difference be very sceptical. There are likely to be natural difference (whether that is structural or hormonal and how much of either is unclear). But differences are on a distribution and those distributions overlap significantly so it is a bad idea to use them to make an assessment of an individual.

There are some claims that are very carefully worded to give the impression there is no differences at all but often they don’t stand up. Also, human brains are plastic and practice, repeated activity will change how your brain works so you can change how your brain operates. It shouldn’t be regarded as some hard and fast rule.

I remember a programme from Canadian TV years back, when one of the “no difference” advocates, starts off claiming no differences but repeatedly accepts that there is difference.

This coaching programme sounds counterproductive, you would be better working out what you are like and what would be complementary to that. The idea you need to conform to a stereotype and make a partner conform to a different stereotype sounds like a receipt for disaster.

human brains are plastic and practice, repeated activity will change how your brain works

That's a big part of the book - the early influence of nurture and why trying to find innate differences is a largely doomed enterprise.

@Thisistyresome if we accept that brains are plastic and can change, which I do, then surely that is not evidence that male and female brains are different because by the time we look at a brain there's already been a lot of practice and repeated activity which will have changed it. I think we'd also all accept that hormones play a part but that doesn't indicate a difference in brains either.

I'm not suggesting that all brains are exactly the same or completely different but surely it makes more sense to see that the real differences in how they work is less to do with sex and more to do with gender expectations.

I'm coming at this as a non-scientist, so if I'm getting any of this wrong that's why.

I'm very familiar with the Law of Attraction stuff. The coaching program wasn't about that.

The program isn't about complementing one another but accepting (amongst other things) that men are more inclined to lead. Therefore you should be passive and "surrender" in a relationship, letting them lead you to where it's supposed to go.

Sounds very similar to traditional gender roles around men being the head of the family and in charge.

This is sexist, in the same way that the trans ideology is sexist and promotes gender stereotypes. E.g. "I'm a nurturing person, liked playing with dolls as a kid and love pink, therefore I must be a woman even though I have a man's body".

It's clear @Thisistyresome that you know very little about trans ideology.