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Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

At what age?

14 replies

Appandgo · 11/03/2023 17:50

At what age do you think boys should be held accountable/educated for derogatory language they use about women/girls?

Speaking with a friend the other day she told me a story about an 11 year old child (not hers) who had said 'Your Mum is so hot she'd get it in both holes'. At best I find this derogatory and misogynistic, at worst there is something that feels quite violent about this statement. My friends view is that it's not misogynistic language as he is only 11 (and got really quite cross with me for even saying it was misogynistic). I really disagree. Even if the child doesn't understand the implication of what they've said (although I do think an 11 year old does) they should be educated about how harmful their words can be and that what has been said can be considered misogynistic. In my view its never to early to educated children and it feels like my friend just condoned the language used.

I feel really sad for my DDs that they are growing up in a society where some people think boys can say what they like about girls/women because they're children 😔

OP posts:
theveg · 11/03/2023 17:51

That is absolutely vile and if either of my DS said that at any age I would be having strong words with them about it.

Clymene · 11/03/2023 17:52

That's horrific

Original poster
Appandgo · 11/03/2023 18:01

Thank you, I was beginning to feel like I was in the wrong as my friend was so cross about me saying it was misogynistic - I wasn't say the child was a misogynist just that the language was.

OP posts:
Aphrathestorm · 13/03/2023 09:30

I would be utterly disgusted if a child of any age said that.

It is misogynistic and they need pulled up on it from as soon as they can talk.

EggyBreads · 13/03/2023 09:54

A 7 year old I know came out with 'you've got a big vagina'. He'd heard this at school. 7!

unclebuck · 13/03/2023 09:57

I was walking past a primary school in Leeds in 1996 and a 8/9 year old shouted "I want to do you doggy style" at me. His mates all found it hilarious. I found the look on his little face hilarious as I marched into the school and informed the head. They need telling immediately!

Zodfa · 13/03/2023 11:57

I agree, they should be educated as soon as they start using such language (ideally before, I suppose, though that can be tricky). That doesn't necessarily mean punishment on the first offence, provided it's reasonable to assume that they generally didn't know what they were saying was a bad thing.

It's the same with a toddler talking about killing their baby sibling or something. They probably don't understand the full import of what they're saying so you're not going to punish them for it (and certainly not react as you would with an adult, e.g. reporting the threats to the police), but equally it would be a mistake to just ignore it and not let them know that that isn't something they should be saying.

GreyCarpet · 21/03/2023 07:50

It's never too young.

When I was about 18, a couple of kids who were no older than 12 shouted at me in the street. One told me the other wanted me to suck his dick.

I was cornered at a bus stop in my mid 20s by a group of lads around 14/15 who were lifting up my skirt, touching me and making comments. All I could think was there was nothing I could do to defend myself because I was an adult and they were children and I didn't want a criminal record for harming a child.

By that age, I'd already been raped and escaped an attempted rape.

Behaviour escalates.

ArabellaScott · 21/03/2023 17:13

I'd be seriously concerned by an 11 year old saying something like that. It would make me wonder where he'd heard it, and whether he was being adequately looked after or whether he'd been exposed to CSA.

Of course it's misogynistic, but I would be more concerned for the child than angry and looking to punish.

Tradeup · 21/03/2023 20:33

It’s the language of porn and obviously the kind of verbal (and worse) abuse that so many young girls are getting because of easily available of 24/7 porn that children and teens are viewing.

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 23/03/2023 15:43

If they are old enough to say it, they are old enough to be challenged on it.

That child said something absolutely horrible, I'd have played hell if a child of m ine said that.

harkerlee · 23/03/2023 16:24

Absolutely I would question an 11 year old who said that (or any age).

At 11, I would be mindful that it has probably come from environmental influences and would want to get to the bottom of where he heard it/ what made him say it.

My approach would be led by curiosity, and more about educating him than any kind of punishment, but I absolutely wouldn't let it stand unchallenged.

I would be speaking with him about what misogyny is (in a non-accusatory way), how women have been oppressed by men historically and still are, and how it is important for men to stand with women and listen to their experiences and not objectify them in this way.

I would also consider speaking to the school in case this is something going around between the kids there.

CremeEggQueen · 23/03/2023 23:00

Ewwww. I'd be having serious words with mine if they said that, that's disgusting

Marblessolveeverything · 23/03/2023 23:06

Sadly he probably was exposed to porn or someone around him is spouting this vile talk.

It really is a form of child abuse, children exposed to violent porn.

I have a teen and 9 year old I would absolutely come down on both like a ton of bricks.

Education and correction is necessary for society to progress.

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