Social media poisoning

[BastardtheCat]

If s finally happened and I'm at a total loss on how to handle it.

We have a rule in this house - no social media until 16 yrs. I've found out by pure chance that youngest DC has sneakily downloaded it (how she got past my parental approval bit on the phone I don't know but that's another conversation I'll be having). She's got TikTok, Snapchat, Twitch, Be Real and Twitter - all without my knowledge.

I'm beyond furious with her and have barely slept.

She's gone from being a real planet warrior - people centred, thoughtful, conscientious, sensitive but stubborn girl who was interested in saving the planet and animal focused, to a vacuous, thoughtless, dressing like the thousands of every other teenage girl in figure hugging leggings and crop top, selfie obsessed and tongue out social media 'babe' wannabe. I hate it.

I know she's being the modern day version of Kevin and Perry, but her appearance is sexualised, her behaviour online is sexualised and she still looks like a 12 yr old and (to me) is walking on dangerously thin ice. Loads of snapchats are vanished (why?!?!) but a boy has sent her a clothed shot of his groin and legs area. WTF?!

Can someone help my sleep
Deprived, anxious and angry brain unpick this so that I can handle
It with my 13 yr old? I'm shortly starting a 12 hr shift so I won't be dealing with this until tonight.

I'm so annoyed. My other 2 DC accepted this rule and are now older and disinterested in most of social media. They're amazing kids who think for themselves. I'm in foreign territory here. Help!

I have no words of advice but didn't want to read and run. That's rough OP. Can your other DC help speak with her?

I've not confided in anyone just yet. Still haven't got home myself. Have found a few risky pictures and footage of her vaping.

I'm beyond gutted.

Really? You sound remarkably unlike a parent.

On the off chance you are real …teenagers. Breaking rules is a thing. Especially ones that actually can think for themselves.

Thanks for that @lightisnotwhite

All the best op

I reported your post but HQ say it’s legit ( I recognise the name but people do the one letter change thing). So apologies for being dismissive .

You sound so disappointed in her. Like she’s let you down. She’s a daft teen with daft teen friends. Maybe she’s just easily led being the youngest a need to be different. She’ll be an adult one day and looking like an “ up for it” 13 year old will make her cringe.

Address the dangers again. Address the legalities again. Remind her of the rules and why you put them in place. Be calm, be cool. She won’t respect you if you lose your shit.

Truly, this is who she is. She likes make up and fashion and boys. I hated these things at that age but my own DD is all over them.

I understand that you worry she may turn out vapid - tbh that’s crossed my mind with my own DD. But I’ve discovered that she can like these things and still be clever, kind and sensitive. Accept her for who she is. Embrace her interests, even the ones you don’t like. Take an interest in her interests, go shopping with her. Just be firm and aware about internet safety and insist that you’re allowed to check her phone. (Also you can still make her do her homework and take her to the odd science museum).

She might become a successful, or at least very happy, fashion designer or stylist. Alternatively, if she’s allowed to wear crop tops in a safe environment aged 12, she’ll probably be over it by 16 and switch to covering up like an Amish nun.

Sounds exactly like a worried parent to me. Mn is a strange place….

Sometimes the more we ban things, the more attractive it becomes. I agree with pp, check the phone, warn her of the dangers of social media, the repercussions, issues with police, having certain careers etc.

The photo of the groin is worrying!