How do you shut down an aggressive comment like this?

[Celia24]

I'm in a predominantly male hobby group where most of the guys are great with one or two questionable individuals.

One such guy is very intense & made a sexist comment aimed at another woman on a WhatsApp chat last year. I called it out immediately which shut him up. Most of the time we get on fine but I'm not friends with him like other guys in the group who see women as equals.

The other night after class as we walked to get a train & I was caught up talking to someone else he said 'I said fuck you Celia, but you didn't hear me'. It was said with a smile on his face and I just said 'well I'm glad I missed it the first time then' with a what the hell look to a friend.

I get the feeling he might fancy me & also possibly be the incel type you find on Reddit. I don't think I reacted well to this comment - how should I react to any future comments from him firmly and decisively?

Now I think of it a few months ago he asked why I'd glared at him when I hadn't. I was just tired. It felt very 'you should smile' kind of thing.

I wouldn’t react. Shrug and look bored because what he’s saying is boring & he’s not worth the energy.

@FiddleLeaf that's basically how I reacted. But in the days after I wondered if I'd let it slide too much.

Years ago a guy used to make subtle comments like this which eventually culminated in a rape threat. That's probably extreme...but there's something not quite about him. I don't want to be seen to letting it go but maybe ignoring is best.

Fwiw I think your response was perfect.

@Seaglass87 ah that's nice to hear - maybe I'm better at this than I thought 🙂

Just felt like he wanted to get a rise out of me and for what?

OP, that’s awful. If you are feeling uncomfortable to that extent is someone running the club you could speak to?

I have reacted to this type of behaviour in the past and regretted it as it looked like atwo way street when really it’s just some saddo looking for attention.

Gawd. Some men are just such eejits. Your response was perfect- not worth any more headspace trying to think of great put downs.

I think if it continues I'll have a private word. A man runs the hobby alongside his girlfriend and the last time a man caused a real problem for women in the group he ousted them. Thing is this guy is very underhand and quite well liked so far.

I could see myself exploding and having it look like a fight rather than one aggressor. I just don't like letting men away with BS these days.

I think you need to let the hobby leader know about this incidents on the quiet. He might start to pay more attention to this man’s interactions with you

Always trust your instincts.

Mysoginists tie up their hate for women with wanting to dominate them, which presents as sexual interest. Hense the feeling that he fancies you. In reality, it's all about control.

I'd avoid him as much as possible. Keep any conversation he is a part of outwith the group, short to non existent.

Don't be slow to say 'don't speak to me like that'.
And any notable harassment, tell the group leaders.

Perfect response, what a prick.

I would respond to future shitty comments from him with "that was rude" then I'd return to whatever I was doing. He clearly thinks he owns your attention and time if he thinks you should be listening to him when you're having a conversation with someone else.

I think I would say something like 'what do you mean by that?' and absolutely you should complain about him.

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

I do the 'bored and yawn' face to stupid comments and don't respond. If it's been a so called joke I go with "I don't get it." the 'joker' has to try and explain and makes himself look a complete idiot in front of others while I do the bored and yawn bit.

'Fwiw I think your response was perfect.'

I agree

Men who try to 'get a rise out of' other people (women) are truly pathetic little attention seekers. Little boys who never grew up