My Ectopic versus His Heart Attack

[Arrrrrrragghhh]

I just wanted to share my thoughts really.
My ectopic nearly killed me. I didn’t know I was pregnant. In fact I only made it by half an hour, according to the surgeon. I had three blood transfusions and had an ovary and Fallopian tube removed.

Husband had a heart attack whilst in hospital. Caused by him being a smoker and a job with late nights and long shifts . He had three stents put in. He gave up smoking straight away and made radical changes to his diet so now really healthy, good blood pressure etc.

Five years on from my brush with mortality no one mentioned it. Five years on from his and everyone asks if he’s feeling ok, had he had any further issues and tells him how well he’s doing. I don’t really mind, it just occurred to me that the difference may be a male/ female one. Nearly dying of a heart attack is just more important than nearly dying because you’re pregnant. I wonder if men got pregnant then people would be asking how they were coping after surgery, how they felt about getting pregnant again and any complications? I know women get heart attacks but it seems very common amongst men of a certain age and almost like a club. Maybe just because it is so common people address it more then?

I suppose because yours was caused by pregnancy, as long as you're not pregnant it doesn't become a concern. Whereas a heart attack greatly increases the risk of having another one at any time.

I see a lot of misogyny in medical issues but not sure there is one here, i think it is explained by your situation being very unlikely to recur unless you are pregnant again.

I’d guess it was more because your issue was able to be permanently fixed and not pose any further risk to your health whereas your husband has had to make significant lifestyle changes, probably take medication for life and it’s a serious problem that could return again.

As long as you have another ovary to produce hormones the loss of an overly and Fallopian tube doesn’t carry and ongoing risk. Having a permanently damaged heart does.

No idea how your doc knew you were 30 mins from death. It’s a clever obstetrician who can predict blood loss speed before it happens.

Heart attacks are much more likely to kill you, even in this day and age, and will warrant a far more rapid response medically because they can kill very effectively.

Female heart attack survivor. Having had defib pads applied as they ran me down the corridor on the trolley to the Cath Lab, and pre-alerting ICU, definitely 100% the heart attack is way more serious.

Yes, probably this.

@Bunnyfuller The half an hour thing was just mentioned in A&E whilst a doctor showed me and my husband the blood that had filled up inside me. I think he was trying to be positive!

I don’t see misogyny here. My sister had a heart attack very young (her 30s) we are all aware she had a much much higher risk of another one than anyone else who hasn’t had one and similarly that our own risk profile is raised by being genetically related to her. If she’d had an ectopic I wouldn’t worry about her having another one.

I probably wouldn't mention your operation after the first inquiry just because I would assume it's an upsetting topic, as it's effectively a miscarriage. And I wouldn't ask how someone is getting on with that experience 5 years later.

So it's more the emotional side I think people would want to avoid bringing up. I lost an ovary 10 years ago (died off due to a large cyst) but I am fine with that, never wanted kids and no actual affect on my life. So happy to discuss it. But i probably wouldn't speak too much about it if it also came with loss and I was upset my fertility may be affected.

I don’t think as many people understand the severity of an ectopic, whereas heart attacks are commonly understood to be serious. I imagine that both of you having life threatening medical events has been pretty traumatic. I’d be fucked off if my husband’s was referred to and mine ignored.

I am sure if you were to bring it up you would be diagnosed with Hysterical Woman Syndrome. Ffs, heart attacks are so common and so survivable a lot of the time and such a bloody lifestyle issue in most cases, this pisses me off!

I think most people understand ectopics are serious but once recovered your risk has gone. Heart attacks cause permanent damage to the heart so not only is the underlying risk that caused the first heart attack still there (not all can be ameliorated by lifestyle changes) the death of heart tissue caused by the first heart attack increases the risk.

Ultimately both of you had a brush with death.
people can make excuses all they like about the probability and likelihood of it happening but… from what I’m reading, there is a lack of concern about the actual brush with death which must have been traumatic for the OP.

Traumatic or not, once OP recovered she was at no further risk. From her post she appears to wonder why people don't mention her issue now, five years later, and why would they? Her husband could easily have another heart attack - and no, pp, the risk doesn't always just disappear with a lifestyle change. He is constantly at risk, she isn't - surely that is the difference.

You’re doing it too! “Traumatic or not”. People can still mention it because it may (clearly does) still affect the OP.

It doesn’t have to be within the context of whether she’s at risk now….

An ectopic is a pregnancy loss and I wouldn't want to be insensitive by bringing it up apropos of nothing.

I wouldn't argue, as some have here, that a heart attack is 'more' or 'less' serious. Both are medical emergencies. I also think they're not very comparable and, like others, I don't see any misogyny here. The 'you're doing well' stuff is presumably related to wanting to encourage the maintenance of the lifestyle changes.

So sorry you both went through this. I think its because there's a chance your husband can have another one. Hopefully he doesn't. X

I get it, my ectopic pregnancy years ago was pretty much dismissed by my family, despite them seeing with their own eyes that once I was diagnosed it was all systems go. Then having gone through all that horrible shit and processing it, they minimised it as no big deal. It was nearly 30 years ago now, it's made me angry just thinking about it again whilst answering.

I had an ectopic pregnancy and would hate if people brought it up. I was so excited to be pregnant and was completely devastated by the loss as it took so long to get pregnant. If I knew a friend who had the same I'd offer her support at the time but wouldn't keep on bringing it up after the initial healing process.

I had an ectopic too with the same situation as yours, I was bleeding to death and saved by emergency surgery. I suspect it’s because people don’t know much about ectopic pregnancies and how life threatening they are as they are fairly rare. I had a ‘friend’ laugh at me when I told her what happened to me. Whereas people know how terrible heart attacks are, it’s one of the biggest killers out there and affects both men and women. Most people know of someone who has had a heart attack, not many people meet others who have had an ectopic pregnancy

Just to add I have diagnosed ptsd from my ectopic so it can stay with you in a negative way.

@Shelefttheweb think most people understand ectopics are serious but once recovered your risk has gone. Heart attacks cause permanent damage to the heart so not only is the underlying risk that caused the first heart attack still there (not all can be ameliorated by lifestyle changes) the death of heart tissue caused by the first heart attack increases the risk.

I needed to have ivf after my ectopic surgery to have children. I also have diagnosed ptsd with suicidal thoughts afterwards, so risks and issues can still be there after something like this.

My friend had an ectopic and told me about it before I had kids and was basically clueless about all the risks of pregnancy and birth etc - I genuinely did not understand the severity. Having read "This is going to hurt" and being far more aware of health issues now I would now know how serious it is.

Whereas everyone knows a heart attack is frightening.

So I think it's more about general lack of awareness, and trying to be a bit sensitive. I'm so sorry you went through that, though!

I had 2 ectopics both ruptured nearly died twice also nearly died giving birth - it never get's mentioned, no appreciation of how close it was - random family convo the other day about what was the worst pain we'd experienced- when I said my ectopics it was met with deathly silence and was glossed over

@thestealthwee sorry that happened to you xx

Well, each to his/her own - but I most certainly would not be wanting people to be asking me how I am five years after a one-off emergency. In fact if they did I would think they were odd. However, someone asking about an event which could still affect me is not odd.

Also, if you bothered to read the OP's post she said "I really don't mind", which to me means she doesn't spend her waking hours thinking about it.

@CrotchetyQuaver and @Crapskin2023 I’m really sorry you went through this too. It must also be doubly traumatic if you knew you were pregnant. I didn’t have that and I think I would have majorly struggled. It was a very intense experience without it frankly. Very unpleasant.

I honestly don’t think about too negatively aside from I worry about the quality of emergency surgery sometimes. I have had to had another surgery a few years through my belly button as I was getting pain in my abdomen and I just wonder if they are related. Interestingly the person that is/was most concerned was my dad. He was a dairy farmer and cows get ectopics too. There is no real way of saving them though and it really affected him to lose a cow.

I understand and agree that it’s the ongoing nature if the condition. Although so many men in particular of a certain age seem to have had one or a heart issue they are being treated for. Possibly people do ask because it’s one of those age related things people bring up in conversation Anyway thanks for the discussion on it.