Language used to describe young girls

[Elsiebear90]

I’m in my 30s so a lot of my friends have children of varying ages, I’ve noticed that frequently mothers and other female relatives or family friends will describe their daughters who are as young as 3/4 as “bossy” “sassy” “have an attitude” “diva” “4 going on 14”, these comments are said in a light hearted way, but they never describe their sons like this. Their sons are described in a way which is only ever positive and never alludes to them seeming older than they are, more often that not they post about how sad they are that they’re growing up. An example I saw today from an old school friend on Facebook “Happy birthday to the sassiest 4 year old I know! I wonder where you get all your attitude from and then I realise it’s your mum! #4goingon14”. These posts are usually accompanied with a picture of a small child posing in an “adult” manner such as pouting with her hand on her hip.

It’s almost always women doing this as well, are we our own worst enemies when it comes to raising girls? When I look back to my own childhood I was called these things by own mother as well in a negative way and over time it made me lose my confidence as I believed that “good girls” were agreeable and compliant. Has anyone else noticed this too or am I just reading too much into light hearted comments?

I'm with you. I hate the word sassy it's disgusting. I call my son cheeky and naughty when he's done something bad like biting in the past just as I do my daughter I would never refer to my daughter as sassy Uch it makes me sick

I vert much dislike those poses.

Very bad taste indeed.

I mostly agree except…

My daughter was the youngest of three. She closely identified with me from the start. She told her two older brothers off and badgered them to brush their teeth or tidy up. She used to ask me when Daddy and “her boys” would move out and we’d have the big bedroom together.

She felt we, the females of the house, were clearly in charge and the males (including her father) were merely vassals. I haven’t characterised that as bossy, but I can see how people might.

If your wee child recognises you and she are the same and you are the boss, I can see how that sort of characterisation might work for them.

I agree - it's everywhere. And the same people peddling this gendered shite will go on about how clearly girls are different from boys! Yet if the same kids happened to be the opposite sex the same characteristics would be treated completely differently.

I agree OP, and I also really dislike 'Diva'.

Though difficult to parent at times, raising a 'headstrong' girl might mean there are fewer girl who are socialised to 'Be Kind'.

When we consider toxic femininity and the expectations of girls as they become women, I think a girl who knows her own mind and maintains her boundaries will have a better chance in the future against some of the horrors we are facing as a sex class.

Ridiculing that with labels does her a disservice AFAIC.

Bossy is an odd one.

Assertive, good leader, organiser... all good attributes. She would also stand up for what she believed in.

But with my DD (described as bossy) she wasn't very good at listening to what others might want and wanted her own way all the time. But helping her control this she has actually become a lot better at being a leader... she will now show her friends how to do something, or take turns. And doesn't get described as bossy anymore.

She absolutely hates the term Tomboy... she told off an adult for trying to describe her as such.. in what some may call rude. (she's 9). But she was making a point shes a girl who likes a variety of things and girls can choose their hobbies.

I disagree to a certain extent. Sassy is a positive attribute isn't it? And it's often coupled with smart.
I also disagree that boys are only ever described positively.
While people might call their girls a little madam, they often call boys a little terror, trouble, a pest etc.
I think it's confirmation bias making you think this.

I have to disagree with boys being let off for similar behaviour. I’ve heard lots of negative terms about young boys but they tend to veer more towards them being badly behaved than just being wilful.