Abusive husband

[darldream]

I am a mum of a four month old baby and on maternity leave. My husband keeps telling me I need to stay home full time and it is not his responsibility to take care of our baby. He keeps telling a women's/mum's responsibility is staying home, taking care of the house and the baby. Whenever I start a coversation and want to say I would like to study or work, he keeps saying now. Do you think he is right or not?

This is the Feminism board - no-one is going to agree that childcare and housekeeping is the mother's job!

I think your main problem is the abuse. Maybe ask for your thread to be moved to Relationships and get advice on how to leave? The only acceptable amount of abuse in a relationship is zero.

As you noted maternity leave, I assume you worked before you had your baby. Your husband seems to expect you to not only provide physically and emotionally to raising your child, but also financial, while he doesn't change his life one bit. Yes. That's sexism 101. Men punishing women for having children and expecting her to do twice the work.

He doesn't get to dictate if you work or if you study or if you don't. You are an adult who can make these decisions even if he disagrees.

He can decide because I am on a spouse visa.

You'll need to set out your logic there (and situation) - what does the visa mean in terms of you being able to work or not? It sounds like you did already work?

I can work but a spouse visa means if he wants to end the marriage I have to go back to my country and won't see my child anymore

If you fear he'd keep your child from you (most countries this is illegal), I'd get a lawyer ASAP.

You can get advice from an organisation called Womens Aid. Your issue is that you are in a very vulnerable position re the spouse visa. I would agree with getting some legal advice if you can about your specific circumstances. Are you able to access money yourself or do you have to ask him?

Please do contact a local or National women's service as it sounds like he is exerting pressure over you. Do it when he isn't there and cover your tracks. They can give you legal advice too because you can't always trust a man who is in a position of power over you to be truthful about your rights. The National number is 0800 200 247. Ask them the question. Much love. X

When did OP say she has financial responsibilities?

So sorry you’re experiencing this. I think you’ll get great advice from the relationships board.