DV & rights as a mother

golden1989 · 2022-11-27T13:16:27+00:00

Hi guys Never posted before but desperately looking for advice as I have never been in this position before. The father of my children has grabbed me, punched me in the stomach, threw me to the floor and then kicked me while I was on the floor today. This is the first time this has happened after a heated debate but in all honestly I'm surprised it's never happened before due to his anger. I have no idea what to do now for the best, he is so narcissic that he proceeded to scream at me that I'm a psychopath and that's why he hit me, he will not take responsibility for his own actions and will not think he has done anything wrong. He has currently left the property (my property) with my two children. He has no other childcare for work so I am praying they will be back before the end of the day because of this, and I will not have to use threats before they return. My worry about going to the police is that I'm afraid they will take my children away or something like that. There is no other reason as they are well cared for, have a nice clean tidy house with loads of toys and supportive family, they are certainly well looked after, but I need as much advice as possible so I can get my children and make sure he can no longer stay here :-( Any advice would be so helpful right now especially from those who have unfortunately experienced this type of thing before :-(

myfatisgettingfatter · 27/11/2022 13:26

So sorry this has happened to you

I would call the police , describe to them as you did here what he has done

Tell them you need to safeguard your children so you need them home and him away

Be strong , you deserve better and so do the children

wishuponastar1988 · 27/11/2022 13:29

Sorry this is happening to you. Your children will not be taken away from you when you are trying to protect them and by reporting to the police you are showing that. Where has he taken the children? Do you think he will bring them back/has he said he isn't? You should report the assaults to the police and alert them that he has taken the children (if you are in the UK and he is on the birth certificate/has parental responsibility for the children and so unless they are in danger there won't be much the police can do however it is important this is logged). if he does not return them tonight then I would be seeking legal advice in the morning and make an emergency application to court for the children to be returned to your care

wishuponastar1988 · 27/11/2022 13:31

Sorry just realised my post reads like the children aren't in danger in his care when I mentioned the police - the children ARE in danger as he has assaulted you and then removed them from you but wanted to give police perspective on this and this is why they need to know about the assault.

Original poster

golden1989 · 27/11/2022 13:52

Thanks so much for the advice this is what I've felt like doing I'm just so scared of any detriment to my children at all.

He will be at his parents house as they are away for a couple of weeks. I genuinely don't think he would lift a finger to them or anything, so I'm not worried in that way, it's more thinking he will keep them away from me to punish me that I'm worried about. So I'm hoping that the fact he doesn't have childcare will sort itself out.
I was also scared of causing a scene with the police etc as all I want is him just to be kept away, I have accepted for a long while that he doesn't respect me and it was never going to work but I stupidly plodded along, mainly due to him being unbelievabley narcistic and putting everything on me. I can genuinely see now that I have been a victim of mental abuse for years. You just never want to accept that its happening to you though, do u :-(

Does anyone know if the police could make him give me my children back (incase he doesnt) and also give some sort of restraining order? Or is this a court thing? Sorry if this has been mentioned my head is like mush x

OP posts:

Original poster

golden1989 · 27/11/2022 13:53

wishuponastar1988 · 27/11/2022 13:29

Sorry this is happening to you. Your children will not be taken away from you when you are trying to protect them and by reporting to the police you are showing that. Where has he taken the children? Do you think he will bring them back/has he said he isn't? You should report the assaults to the police and alert them that he has taken the children (if you are in the UK and he is on the birth certificate/has parental responsibility for the children and so unless they are in danger there won't be much the police can do however it is important this is logged). if he does not return them tonight then I would be seeking legal advice in the morning and make an emergency application to court for the children to be returned to your care

Sorry just read this again and you have answered a lot of my questions.

Thank u this is definitely what route I'll be going down x

OP posts:

MNHQ

ImaniMumsnet · 27/11/2022 13:53

Hi OP,

We are so sorry this has happened to you. We think it's important you are able to get as much support as possible and we think you may be able to get more support on our Legal board. Would you be open to us moving it there?

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our [[https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
Violence]] page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Stressfordays · 27/11/2022 13:55

The police won't make him give the children back unfortunately. I had this happen to me. Id play nice until the children were back in my care then call the police. Thats what I did and it worked, I had them back by the end of the day and he didn't see them again (for many, many reasons).

wishuponastar1988 · 27/11/2022 13:57

golden1989 · 27/11/2022 13:52

Thanks so much for the advice this is what I've felt like doing I'm just so scared of any detriment to my children at all.

He will be at his parents house as they are away for a couple of weeks. I genuinely don't think he would lift a finger to them or anything, so I'm not worried in that way, it's more thinking he will keep them away from me to punish me that I'm worried about. So I'm hoping that the fact he doesn't have childcare will sort itself out.
I was also scared of causing a scene with the police etc as all I want is him just to be kept away, I have accepted for a long while that he doesn't respect me and it was never going to work but I stupidly plodded along, mainly due to him being unbelievabley narcistic and putting everything on me. I can genuinely see now that I have been a victim of mental abuse for years. You just never want to accept that its happening to you though, do u :-(

Does anyone know if the police could make him give me my children back (incase he doesnt) and also give some sort of restraining order? Or is this a court thing? Sorry if this has been mentioned my head is like mush x

The police can issue a DVPO (domestic violence protection order) which would prohibit him from contacting you for 28 days during that time you could be supported by your local area womens aid/domestic abuse service to make an application for a non-molestation order (similar to a restraining order but the perpetrator does not need to have been convicted of any crime to have this order against them).

Do you have any friends or family nearby to support you?

Princessglittery · 27/11/2022 13:57

@golden1989 @ImaniMumsnet is right you will get good advice on the legal board.

@wishuponastar1988 has also given good advice. It may seem hard now but reporting to the police now is in both you and your children's best interest. No one will take them away from you for reporting DV.

Original poster

golden1989 · 27/11/2022 13:58

Stressfordays · 27/11/2022 13:55

The police won't make him give the children back unfortunately. I had this happen to me. Id play nice until the children were back in my care then call the police. Thats what I did and it worked, I had them back by the end of the day and he didn't see them again (for many, many reasons).

Thank u for sharing ur experience I'm so sorry u have suffered this as well.
U are correct, I will feel more confident to call them once I have my children back. I know myself I have to log this incase of further instances or if he tries to play a y games with me.

Horrible situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

golden1989 · 27/11/2022 14:02

wishuponastar1988 · 27/11/2022 13:57

The police can issue a DVPO (domestic violence protection order) which would prohibit him from contacting you for 28 days during that time you could be supported by your local area womens aid/domestic abuse service to make an application for a non-molestation order (similar to a restraining order but the perpetrator does not need to have been convicted of any crime to have this order against them).

Do you have any friends or family nearby to support you?

Show quote history

Thank u this is really useful. Between one thing and another he has always wormed his way back in and I've felt hopeless to stop it because I don't want to upset anyone but I do realise that lofting ur hand is the very end of it all, I feel I do have to have something put in place this time.

I have a very supportive family, they won't believe that this has happened due to the split personality type of persona that he has. They will be really upset to hear this and have had really good news this week, I don't want to ruin that for them :-( I'm hoping to deal with it myself first and let them know when it's all been done. I really hope I can manage this.

OP posts:

Original poster

golden1989 · 27/11/2022 14:04

ImaniMumsnet · 27/11/2022 13:53

Hi OP,

We are so sorry this has happened to you. We think it's important you are able to get as much support as possible and we think you may be able to get more support on our Legal board. Would you be open to us moving it there?

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our [[https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
Violence]] page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Yes please thank u. I never noticed this page previously sorry

OP posts:

Madamecastafiore · 27/11/2022 14:06

Please tell your family, they'd be horrified that you thought you'd have to shoulder this alone in case it tarnished any good news they'd had.

StillWeRise · 27/11/2022 23:25

www.ncdv.org.uk/
OP I hope your IT is all secure, use safe searching and/or clear your history
the linked organisation can help you get an injunction, there are various ones you can get but including an occupation order which can ban a perpetrator from the family home. There's info on the website.
Be aware that men can escalate their behaviour if they sense you are thinking of leaving, or if you start to resist them.
Good luck.