Childline - asexuality

[Pobblenotoes]

Just scrolling on insta, came across this https://www.instagram.com/p/CkGsDe1O8R_/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=where it explains asexuality as having little or no sexual attraction to others. Forgive me, but aren't children naturally asexual? I realise childline supports young people, not just young children. But there's just so much of this pushing sex and sexuality on children these days, it feels like childline is joining in. To give a child a label to run with as asexual seems bizarre. But hey, I'm just a mum. Interested to hear what people think of childline's stance. Is it helpful or part of the toxic web?

aren't children naturally asexual?

Well that very much depends on the age. I don't think there are a great number of asexual 15 yo. That doesn't mean any of them should be having sex but they certainly experience sexual feelings.

The sexual development of children is a tricky subject because it's used by sex offenders to justify some kind of consent to be abused. Which doesn't exist.

There are some children who are caught in an expectation that they will feel a certain way and asexuality is a neat label if they don't want to.

@Pobblenotoes "aren't all children naturally asexual?" Absolutely, at least until they aren't. As MrsTerry says usually that doesn't usually last throughout childhood. it happens for different kids at different ages though and I think a lot of Mums agree that there is pressure to sexualise children too early.

but however they're feeling or crushing on kids should be given a bit of time and space and privacy to not have to share those feelings if they don't want to. I forget who I'm quoting but "no, I'm a child" should be a perfectly acceptable answer.

Agree. I think it would be useful to assume that children are asexual unless/until they decide otherwise. Sexual feelings in children is normal but yes that seems to be used as justification from dodgy folk that that means that they want to behave in a sexual way... very different.

By that logic there should be no sex education for children, no mention of being gay etc.
I think you’re forgetting that childline will be dealing with post-puberty children.

Children are pre-sexual, not asexual. Its concerning that a child charity is pushing asexuality at children.
You might know your orientation at an early age, but adult sexuality develops over time, it doesn't appear suddenly fully formed on your 16th birthday. They're being ridiculous.

Meant to quote NrsTerryPratchett but to be honest I broadly agree with all previous posts!
It shouldn't be necessary to say 'back off til I'm older, I might be asexual' but it probably is in many cases.

Obviously you're right... but young teenagers aren't going to want to identify as pre-sexual (and that seems like a paedophile enticing type of label in the world we live in unfortunately). Asexual with it being made clear that you are not tied to that label for life will probably be useful armour for many. Grim but the way it is.

Children or labels don't entice pedophiles.
Telling children they are asexual as if its an unusual situation for them that needs a special label is a red flag.

Childline supports people until they turn 19 though...

Isn't there an inherent contradiction in your post? How can you complain that they are "pushing sex and sexuality" in children by telling them that it's okay and normal to not have sexual feelings?

If childline cut off at age 10 then you might have a point. But as a pp said it can support up to age 19. In which case it is very understandable that someone aged 12, 15, 17 might query hang on why don't I find boys or girls attractive, is there something wrong with me? So I don't really see the issue with someone telling them no, that's completely fine.

Do you have any issues with childline supporting kids who are worried they might be gay OP? If not isn't this exactly the same?

There's not some binary gap between being an innocent child with no idea of sex at all at 8 and then magically ready to have sex at 16. Most children and teens go through an in-between period where they realise there are people they like as friends and people who they might like romantically (I fancy xxx) - acknowledging they will be developing some level of sexual awareness isn't the same as encouraging them to go out and have sex underage!

Yeah, this is how I was feeling. I notice the childline posts on LGBTQIA+ very often and wonder why children need to be pushed to define themselves sexually. I guess for older teens it's maybe part of identity but just comes across as wrong from a children focussed charity to me

Interesting, thanks

I had sex as a teenager because I felt it was the normal thing to do and I felt peer pressure to do it, despite not having the sexual desire to do so. It was actually quite traumatising. I’d personally have appreciated knowing that a sexuality was a thing and was entirely normal, and being able to talk about these feelings (or lack of them).

You're right, that was a poor choice of words... my heart just sunk when I heard the phrase 'pre sexual' as the last thing you'd want children to do would be feel the need to declare when they become sexual beings, which as pps have said is obviously gradual.

I don't think the OP is saying children shouldn't be able to discuss sexual orientation with childline? Just that it's also normal for children to not have sexual feelings and perhaps that shouldn't need a label.

Up until recently I was very cautious about children identifying as asexual or NB (i know theyre differenf obviously) but I'm increasingly seeing it as a potential defence against an over sexualised, over gendered (as in gender being over presrciptive) world. And if it makes children feel better to use them, use them.

Well, seeing as sex, relationships and puberty is in the top 5 main concerns talked about on childcare, I don't think there's anything wrong with this. Teenagers are children too.

Yes I think there’s an enormous difference between an “asexual” ten year old and a fifteen year old, and I think that needs to be very clear in any “guidance”.

I think the key thing is to assume the volunteer is trained or sensible enough to moderate the advice they given depending on the age of the child (and possibly other factors). Exactly the same as they way theyd react differently to any other issue -bereavement, bullying, whatever.

E.g. if a 5 year old called them crying because their best friend elsie wanted to play kiss chase at breaktime and they didn't want to because they don't like kissing it would of course be ludicrous to suggest "do you think you're asexual?"

But if a 15 year old called saying "all my friends fancy someone but I've never felt that way about anyone, I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me or i could be asexual?" Then surely it would be okay to say "well everyone develops at different stages, you might find someone you feel attracted to when youre a bit older, or you might never feel that feeling in the same way your friends do, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or you can't live a full and happy life."

I feel quite passionate about this as I have a family member who felt this way - they got a lot of teasing "why haven't you had a boyfriend/ girlfriend at your age" "are you sure you're not gay?" Felt left out for being the only one not "pulling" at uni etc Or even the most sympathetic people only said "you'll feel differently when you find the right person."

As a result they spent a lot of time worrying about why they didn't feel what they were "supposed" to feel, and actually forced themselves to have a lot of sexual encounters they didn't enjoy in an effort to try and find this mythical "right person" or "test" if perhaps they were gay, and basically had quite a miserable ten-fifteen years until they finally came across the term asexual. Whereas if they'd known that was an option they could have just stopped worrying about it and accepted themselves as they are.

I don't get the outrage - at the very worst if you "misdiagnosed" yourself as asexual but then did find yourself experiencing sexual attraction you can just go with it - there's no rule that if you think you're asexual at age 13, that's it you are committing yourself to a life of celibacy and can never change your mind!

I think the key thing is to assume the volunteer is trained or sensible enough to moderate the advice they given depending on the age of the child
Right - but in this case the advice is being given on their main Instagram account, not in a one to one counselling session.

We have somehow created a society where children need a get out label such as 'asexuality'. How did that happen.

I've found it really interesting to read everyone's comments. But I get where you are coming from @Thelnebriati . If everyone can chose to be male or female or whatever, whenever, depending on how they feel, and if sexuality can also be fluid and changeable, then why push children in to corners already? I had no idea of what sexuality I was until I tried having sex with different people! Even now, I'm still open to the idea of feeling attracted to whomever, because attraction is seemingly something not very much under my control. I'm 90% men, 10% women so far at an estimate, most of the time asexual, sometimes hypersexual, it changes throughout your life. The whole gender identity and sexual preference thing to me seems to be pushing children in to corners and potentially then creating problems for them later on down the line when that comes in to conflict with a lived reality. Just my thoughts. Like I say, interesting to read what others think

We have somehow created a society where children need a get out label such as 'asexuality'. How did that happen.

This is an interesting question. There does seem to be a weird movement to try to say that people need to give a reason not to have sex with someone, moreover that has to be an acceptable reason.

Rather than no being the default.

What’s wrong with being asexual?

And when some of pp used the word ”push” asexuality, c’mon now!
They are just giving out some information, not
”pushing” anyone to be asexual.

And I ask again, what is wrong with being asexual?

Labels can be restrictive. Particularly in developing young people.

There's nothing wrong with just not wanting to have sex. In fact that should be the assumed state unless some actively tells you different.

Children shouldn't be taught about sex 🤷🏻‍♀️ they should be taught about reproduction systems and their health.

Seems to me like a lot of youngsters are identifying as assexual because there is too much promiscuous behaviour being shown and normalised.

Just watched some series with supposedly teenagers and they were having 3somes and drinking whiskey to deal with their problems 🤦🏻‍♀️ not my experience of high school at all!!! Some people were losing their virginity to their long term girlfriend/boyfriend at most

That seems a really important insight

”Labels” (it’s just a word you know, like mother or husband or my boyfriend) can also help people to know themselves, to know they are not alone or broken. And to find others like them.
I know it’s difficult for conventional people to understand, but labels can really save a person.

Also, a lot of people do seem to have a problem with people who don’t want sex. It’s crazy and doesn’t make sense, but it’s true.
So even more reason to find like minded people to support you.