It will take a very long time to recover from being in a relationship with a narcissist. I was in one on and off for 5/6 years and during the time he took money from me, cheated with at least 5 other women and was regularly involved in sex chat online with 40/50 women (I don’t know, but I know it was absolutely his habit to message women every hour of the day).
He was absolutely loving at the start, absolutely beyond my wildest dreams (classic, eh?) but gradually the mask would slip. He insisted we keep the relationship quiet as he didn’t want his ‘son confused’ or feel that he’d just moved on after he’d split up with his Mum. Except, apparently he’d been spending weekends with his son and this other woman as a happy family! So much went on, but I won’t go into some of the worst details, as you know what these guys are like.
To recover, I went absolutely cold turkey. I don’t go anywhere he goes, I don’t see anything he posts online other than I know he’s since split up with the latest woman he was scamming and lying to. I concentrate on my life and build new habits and patterns for myself. That’s been nearly a year and I’m at the stage where I really have stopped caring about him. I’ve seen him a few times either driving around in his job or parked in a lay-by somewhere (he has nowhere to live now unless he’s conning some woman into providing a roof over his head) and it really just affirms that everything I learnt about him and the way he treats other humans is absolutely true.
Gradually you’ll feel much better, but the cold turkey element makes it so much easier. Tell friends you don’t want to hear anything about it. Sympathies to those who can’t do this due to children as we know they’ll use any route until abusing you. Interestingly, my ex was always gushing about his boy online. What a proud dad he is, how amazing his son is, and yet would lose his temper and often said he wished he’d ‘never had him’ privately. They’re all for show, and will use their kids either to ruse other women into thinking what a caring guy they are, or continue exerting pressure over their families through their kids.
if you can, cold turkey, find new interests, put something in the diary to do every week to treat yourself with a new experience or meeting friends. You deserve to just put him in the past and not use up any of your life.