‘Don’t be that girl’ WTAF

[Pippinbird]

This morning the DM is running a story about a mother and daughter who a bringing out a book, relying their perspectives of the build up to and fallout of, the daughter sending nude photos to boys. The daughter was a 13 year old child. The boys in question were 17.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10942687/Roxy-13-coerced-sharing-explicit-photos.html

It’s a really hard read and does what it’s intended to do, make us parents think more about safety of our young girls and how best we can facilitate that.

However, there’s a passage that jumps out at me.

She and her friends were beginning to dress in more overtly ‘sexy’ ways, but I didn’t think she had much experience with boys. This one was handsome, but why did a 17-year-old want to text a 13-year-old girl? I told her he had ‘­classic bad-boy’ written all over him. Don’t be that girl,’ I said. ‘Be smarter than that.’


And that was it, that’s all she done about this boy contacting her child. There was no confusion from the mother over the age of the boy in question. She knew he was 17. She knew a 17 yr old was texting her 13 yr old daughter. What she said to a child was- don’t be that girl??????!!!!

By that meaning: don’t be that silly girl, don’t get a reputation for yourself, don’t put out and so on.

A 13 year old kid!!!!!

I can’t believe that! Why on earth did that girls parents not find out who this boy was and contact the school? Or better yet contact his parents and nip it in the bud.

Now there was a story only the other day, when a mother found out her son had been bullying a girl in his class. She found the texts. Now data protection meant the school couldn’t give out info, so she took it upon herself to find this girl and make her son apologise.

I don’t believe for a minute that the parents in this case couldn’t find out who the boy was and deal with it. If they had been responsible parents, that poor girl may never have had to go through what she did. It would have also allowed the parents of the boys to address their disgusting behaviour and seek greater controls. I doubt this girl was the only one they were texting.
The only reason why this came out in the open, once the messages that escalated to nude photos and coercion, was 6th form girls had heard rumours, so told the school (who didn’t contact the police! Honestly a total shit show)

The worst of it is, this mother is now profiteering from this decision. She doesn’t lament her lack of parenting, just wistfully thinks maybe more could have been done.

There is no comments allowed on this article, rightly so to protect the girl but the parents should be absolute ashamed!

[Thelnebriati]

Why on earth did that girls parents not find out who this boy was and contact the school? Or better yet contact his parents and nip it in the bud.

Because they are holding their daughter responsible. Its so ingrained they can't even see the issue, or why they are letting a child that young have that much access to tech.

[ThreeFeetTall]

Erm have you actually read to the end of the article? You say she doesn't lament her parenting but she says
I should have known what was happening to you and I should have stopped it. I will carry that sadness and regret to the grave. 

[Pippinbird]

Exactly, it reminds me of the abuse of young girls in Rochdale.
They were deemed old enough and in control of what they were doing. They too were 12/13 year old children. Abused/ raped by older men but seen as complicit.

I know it’s not the same situation but they are a similar age, where they are being sexually exploited but deemed fully in control.

[Pippinbird]

@ThreeFeetTall

Erm have you actually read to the end of the article? You say she doesn't lament her parenting but she says
I should have known what was happening to you and I should have stopped it. I will carry that sadness and regret to the grave. 

She does not go over what she should have done. She does not express regret of saying those comments to a child. She does not question why she said such things to a child and why she held such beliefs.

So no I don’t believe she is contrite for her actions, I believe she very much regrets what happened to her daughter but she hasn’t done the work to see that she was central in exposing her daughter to harm.

[Pippinbird]

She also notes that she doesn’t know what happened to the boys in question, if they were punished etc.

How would you not know that! Why would you not follow up and damn well find out what happened

[Thelnebriati]

I'm not convinced the book is in the daughters best interests.

[Mariposista]

I read the story and found it so so sad. 13 year olds are so young and impressionable, no matter how streetwise some of them think they are. They are just kids! I am glad to have been 13 at a time when technology didn't really exist. My life outside school involved Harry Potter, riding my scooter, playing netball and eating sweets, not taking nude pictures and sending them to much older boys (we still thought most boys were silly at that age anyway). Poor poor girl. I wish her well.

[cottagegardenflower]

OP. Why are you blaming the mother for not having done more and for making a victim blaming statement? She is also a victim and making a crass statement doesn't make her less for that. The only guilt lies with the teen boys and a society that encourages over sexualisation of kids

[ldontWanna]

I just hope Roxy is truly ok now and can put this behind her and have a good life.


I also hope that her trauma isn't being exploited by her mum.

There's a lot in that article that bothers me . Bunch of adults failing a kid, once again.

[Pippinbird]

@cottagegardenflower

OP. Why are you blaming the mother for not having done more and for making a victim blaming statement? She is also a victim and making a crass statement doesn't make her less for that. The only guilt lies with the teen boys and a society that encourages over sexualisation of kids

It’s not just a crass statement, she followed through with her sentiment, ignoring a 13 year old child clearly looking for guidance.

That girl willingly came to her mother to show these texts when they first started. That’s clearly a child looking to their mother for direction.

The mothers advice was - don’t be that girl.
Then done nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So it’s not just a crass statement, it’s an abject failure to ensure the safety of a child.

To your point about the 17 year olds. If you had read my initial post, you will have seen I said if the parents had followed up, then these boys could have been dealt with early on and the abuse may have been prevented.

This was a child failed by her parents.

If you are asking why I’m mother blaming? Because she’s the one who wrote a book about how her child was sexually exploited. So just exploiting that girl all over again! So no, I don’t believe the mother is a victim at all.

[Porcupineintherough]

@Thelnebriati

Why on earth did that girls parents not find out who this boy was and contact the school? Or better yet contact his parents and nip it in the bud.

Because they are holding their daughter responsible. Its so ingrained they can't even see the issue, or why they are letting a child that young have that much access to tech.

Sadly this is exactly right.