Why do we still blame the victim

[Mandodari]

Interesting article on why are women held responsible for being raped when drunk but men are excused for the same reason:

m.independent.ie/opinion/comment/author-louise-oneill-rape-is-always-the-fault-of-the-rapist-and-the-responsibility-for-the-crime-lies-with-them-34512595.html

There are a lot of reasons people blame the victim. We want to think it couldn’t happen to us. We want to think that life is fair.
Some of it is misogyny, but not all.

Women know how often they find men creepy. Statistically this would make their lives ones capable of being perpetrators.

Women therefore want to believe that the men in their own lives couldn't possible be creepy.
Women will therefore excuse any behaviour that is similar to that which their loved ones display.

And are therefore quick to point out any flaws in themselves which they believe led the creeps to them.

The over all effect is victim blaming but the initial sentiment makes me think of madame bucket/bouquet.

I see the same dynamic in men but it also seems to be a question of running away from a tarred brush.

I honestly don't think any thought is given to the victim per-se. They are just collateral damage in self preservation....

Lives ones? Loved ones.

@Mysterioso
i had never really considered it to be about excusing the perpetrators as much as condemning the victims. I see the perpetrators as collateral benificiaries. In certain cases I suppose it is about the perpetrators. However, I remember women whose lives had been severely restricted by the threat of the Yorkshire ripper did blame a student for being out late at night and getting killed. I don’t think people see their partners as potential murderers and I don’t think they wanted to excuse the ripper.
Could you expand on your Bucket/Bouquet analogy? I don’t follow. Thanks

Misogyny
Be nice/kind
Some women deluding themselves and clinging to a false sense of security. She did x,y,z . She was wrong. She was raped. I don't do x,y,z. I won't be raped. I'm better. I'm safer. Same applies to DV.

Men's abusive actions have been dismissed,ignored ,minimised and excused for tens of centuries. It's as much part of humanity as having opposable thumbs (even if it's just buried in our subconscious). It's prevalent on every continent,every race ,every country. It's a message that starts at birth and transcends generations. Things and attitudes might be changing slightly, but too little and too painfully slowly. Dick pandering in it's many forms is still alive and well.

Lots of reasons already mentioned, I think it's pure laziness. Victim blaming or minimising abuse costs nothing, acknowledging abuse or criminal behaviour requires level of action, even if its just facing up an to uncomfortable reality.

Yes, @ldontWanna and @TheWeeDonkey

I think there is a backlash when things change in favour of women. I don’t detect a huge amount of sympathy for the MP watching porn in public, although there obviously is some and I don’t exactly have my finger on the pulse. However, if the little used law banning such behaviour is used against him then I think he probably will get a lot of sympathy from people who want to retain male privilege. Women who want to use this law will also get a negative reaction.

@ManyATime
The thing I noticed about the porn MP was his wife's comment 'it takes two to tango' and about women who 'pose' for porn. It kind of backs up my initial question of why is it always the woman's fault: he was bold for viewing porn, but all men do it so whats the fuss; if women didn't 'pose' to beging with, poor men like her husband wouldn't be tempted. So once again, the woman is in the wrong, the man just innocently following his urges.

And that brings us to another reason.

For some women it's a lot easier to blame other women rather than have to accept the reality and then live with the fact that their partner/son/father/brother/best friend is a pervert and an abuser. That also applies to strangers ,if the behaviours hit too close too home.

All men do it and it's normal, because otherwise my Nigel isn't the "nice" bloke he claims to be and I pretend he is.

Yes, I think that’s what Misterioso was saying.
I suppose my initial reaction that it’s more about women distancing themselves from the victim and the possibility of it happening to them than excusing the perpetrator is true at the extreme end of offences such as rape and murder - or at least murder, and rape involving abduction or serious violence. We don’t imagine most men would do that.
At the level of viewing porn, then it probably is more about excusing men who might not be very different from the men we know and love.

I think it's incorrect, and worse than that, ultimately bad for women, to describe how situations occur as victim blaming. It comes from a mindset that sees looking at why things happen in the aggregate as being about giving blame or praise when really it's about neither.

We can say certain things about what kinds of situations are dangerous or not. Going swimming while drinking is dangerous. Getting drunk at a party can also sometimes increase your danger. We know that drinking decreases people's inhibitions and self-control. None of that is about blame per se, or trying to absolve people from blame.

Rape happens because a man wants to rape. That's it. Not getting drunk,not running in the dark,not doing this,not doing that only ensures that he rapes the other woman/girl.
If only we could lock our vaginas away in a hidden wall safe before we go out.🙄

@MangyInseam
The article I posted raises the question of why if, a woman is drunk and is raped, some people say she should not have got drunk. If a man gets drunk and rapes a woman, the fact that he was drunk is used as an excuse to mitigate his behaviour. To me that is very much about blame, absolution and how the two are applied differently to victim and attacker.

I don't think this is specific to just women. How many times have people mentioned male victims of violence on here and somebody says "oh, but he was probably attacked by another man", as if it makes it any better for the victim.