Men being comforted when something happens to their partner.

[ohfook]

Just woke up to the news about Will Smith and Chris Rock and it reminded me of an incident that I hadn't thought about in years. Years and years ago an old boyfriend and I were out in town with a group of his friends. A stranger came up behind me in a bar and basically pulled my dress down. My then boyfriend went mad, tried to start a fight, everyone tried stopping him - you know how it goes and the night ended with him rage-crying and everyone gathering around to check he was ok. Nobody particularly thought to ask me how I was doing and it pissed me off no end that something that had happened to me was something that he needed to be comforted about.

The news today has reminded me so much about that night. Jada Smith was mocked in front of the world about a condition that she has, yet the night ended with Will Smith in tears and everyone more concerned about his ott reaction.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting on here. It's just on my mind I suppose that it's still after all these years seen as harder to be the man seeing something happing to 'your' partner than it is to actually be the woman who it happens to.

[Fraaahnces]

Yep… couldn’t agree more. Once again a perfect example of a man owning a woman’s experience.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

I know what you mean. All this " defending their wife/partners honour" crap. Just makes it all about them.

They get labelled heroic or a good husband an food example etc meanwhile no one actually remembers what started it.

[Polyanthus2]

I don't know but it was mentioned on the news this am something about their open marriage - so if (the majority nasty people in the world) people think she sleeps around (which is what I suppose this implies) they possibly also think she gets what she deserves.

[Fraaahnces]

Just reading about the backstory between them… Jada announced that she was boycotting the Oscars due to lack of diversity in 2016. Chris Rock roasted them both then, too. (Will for movie flops and Jada for lambasting the Oscars when her invite would have been as a partner only, as is not in the movie industry.) I’m not going to pretend that I’m a fan of Chris Rock or the “roasting”-style humour that he applies in these situations, but he doesn’t keep it to just them and everyone knows to expect nothing less. Sounds like the Smiths have been carrying a grudge.

[Fraaahnces]

@Polyanthus2 - I don’t think we’re going there. She has alopecia. It’s a low blow using that to roast her - and tbh, I don’t think he should have mentioned her anyway. She was there simply as Will Smith’s partner. She wasn’t receiving the award he was announcing.
Regardless, the right to respond FIRST should sit squarely on Jada’s shoulders. Nobody was asking her and now if they do, she is going to have to also defend or justify HIS feelings and reactions to HER situation.
Also, if they are as far up the Scientology food chain as people say, shouldn’t he be demonstrating better control over his emotions and physical responses? 🧐🙄🧐

[Polyanthus2]

I don’t think he should have mentioned her anyway

No I don't think he should have and I don't think that normally the presenter comments on the family members of the actors.

[MangyInseam]

I'm not sure this is a real pattern. There are also lots of women who are emotional attention hogs. I think it reflects the personality of the individuals more than their sex.

[Felix125]

I thought it was a bit strange too.
I could understand if Jada had gone on stage and slapped him (understand, not condone by the way). But what had it to do with Will Smith...?

[TheBitchOfTheVicar]

Moving it away from the Oscars and to what OP has asked about, I was once made to feel uncomfortable - boundaries crossed - by a tradesman visiting my house when I was there alone. When I rang to complain, I was issued an apology on behalf of the company - and apologies were extended to my husband too. When I pointed out that he wasn’t even there and I wasn’t his property the customer service representative got very defensive and couldn’t see my point at all. He said he would like an apology had this happened to his girlfriend 🙄

[Delphinium20]

Reminds me of this co-worker who's wife had a difficult childbirth, almost died and had severe pelvic damage during the emergency forceps delivery. He need a therapist to deal with his trauma from that day.

[Delphinium20]

*whose

[TonyThreePies]

Is Jada receiving any comfort for her upset as the remarks were actually about her?
Are the Williams sisters receiving any comfort, I understand they were at the Oscars and probably looking forward to seeing the outcome of the film about their upbringing, especially as they were executive producers.

[GregBrawlsInDogJail]

@Delphinium20

Reminds me of this co-worker who's wife had a difficult childbirth, almost died and had severe pelvic damage during the emergency forceps delivery. He need a therapist to deal with his trauma from that day.

What's unreasonable about finding it traumatic to watch your partner nearly die? Plenty of people find witnessing accidents involving complete strangers very traumatic. And it's actively advised for people supporting their loved ones with difficult stuff to then seek their own support elsewhere. Support in, dump out. Unless he's actively and frequently saying that it was much worse for him and his wife, I think your comment is 100% "man up" toxic masculinity crap.

[fromagreatheight]

@Delphinium20

Reminds me of this co-worker who's wife had a difficult childbirth, almost died and had severe pelvic damage during the emergency forceps delivery. He need a therapist to deal with his trauma from that day.

I don't get it. Was he supposed to emerge from almost losing the most important people in his life entirely unscathed?

[ronjobbins]

@Polyanthus2

I don't know but it was mentioned on the news this am something about their open marriage - so if (the majority nasty people in the world) people think she sleeps around (which is what I suppose this implies) they possibly also think she gets what she deserves.

What a bizarre suggestion

[Babadook76]

@Delphinium20

Reminds me of this co-worker who's wife had a difficult childbirth, almost died and had severe pelvic damage during the emergency forceps delivery. He need a therapist to deal with his trauma from that day.

Why shouldn’t he need a therapist after that?

[Nightlystroll]

Jada has a talk show called the Red Table Show. She has discussed many intimate issues on there regarding her marriage and her sex life. She is a strong woman and not a shrinking violet so she has a perfect platform to address matters in any way she likes if she feels so inclined.

[Delphinium20]

I should have given more backstory---cause yes, seeing a beloved spouse suffer would be harrowing...HOWEVER...he is one of those people who makes it all about him. All the time.

Examples: co-worker went on and on about how his needs were overlooked and his "wife was given everything." How hospital staff ignored him during chaotic delivery. How his requests for holding baby and pictures had to be scrapped due to rush to NICU and how he had no images worthy to share for his Instagram feed so he was "left with the job of trying to share all the news". We heard ad nauseam how parental leave was needed not to care for mom and baby but for "me time" that included little trips away. Sorry for lack of context.

[EatSleepRantRepeat]

This whole situation is ridiculous, he's embarrassed her on a global scale just to try and prove what a manly man he is - that comment from Rock wouldn't have even made the press coverage if he had left it alone.

It would have been far more effective if the Smith family had done a walkout (leaving their $140k gift bags behind them) and the Williams sisters collected the actor award on his behalf. He would have had the world's press outside to explain his absence his way. But he had to go for the ego trip instead.

[Felix125]

I agree
It would have made a much bigger statement if they just walked out.

[okayigetit]

I kind of eyerolled when I read your title as I thought this was gonna be a men deserve no sympathy type post, but the two examples you gave tbf you are right! Why are the men in those situations the ones getting sympathy, in fact both Jada and Chris rock deserve sympathy, not will. Also sorry some douche pulled your dress down!!

[okayigetit]

@Fraaahnces

Just reading about the backstory between them… Jada announced that she was boycotting the Oscars due to lack of diversity in 2016. Chris Rock roasted them both then, too. (Will for movie flops and Jada for lambasting the Oscars when her invite would have been as a partner only, as is not in the movie industry.) I’m not going to pretend that I’m a fan of Chris Rock or the “roasting”-style humour that he applies in these situations, but he doesn’t keep it to just them and everyone knows to expect nothing less. Sounds like the Smiths have been carrying a grudge.

I also feel like at these award shows the hosts are encouraged to roast the crowd, it's all part of it. What Ricky Jervais did at the golden globes was hilarious but arguable way worse than what Chris rock said lol and no one got up and lamped him!

[SamphiretheStickerist]

And now tales of famous men and their derring do diverting the thread from women having their emotional needs ignored!

[Noisyprat]

My understanding was that Will originally laughed at the joke and when Java was not amused he got arsey. It would have been enough to have a camera shot if her disapproval/upset and then an interview afterwards, in fact this would have been more productive for those suffering from the condition. Instead we have male violence centre stage, literally, and people only seeming to want to do something because of outrage! Will Smith should be charged with assault.