Inappropriate interview question

[lightandshade]

I recently interviewed for a new job that is a step up for me.

Towards the end of the interview I was asked if I thought I could manage a managerial role and my family life as I'd mention I had a child.

Iv since been offered the position but I'm still miffed about this comment I wish I would replied and asked how he manages is or if he would be asking the male interviewees the same question... but of course I didn't and explained how I was capable blah blah

Do you think this signals that it may not be a great place to work ?

Congratulations on the offer!

Tbh its a dated question but one a lot of male interviewers would ask as they naturally assume women take on the majority of childcare (which we mostly do).

I would hope it wouldn't signify anything about the workplace as a whole but maybe if you take this job just make a note of it to the interviewer in a polite email. That way he's hopefully more careful in the future + you have it on record if you ever need it.

I'd wish I had the presence of mind to say something like

"do you struggle to manage both working here and family? "

Stupid to be asked but no I don’t think it means that it’s a bad organisation: just a thoughtless interviewer

Is that illegal?

I don’t know. Women manage to do both but it’s a fucking hard life. Even men who do their part at home, judging by many of the threads here, are not actually doing 50% of the workload. My husband, who’s a lovely man and supports us (I earn peanuts in comparison) so nicely, has no idea of the number of lists I always go through in my head, so yeah, I think that question deserves a different answer like: well I’ll probably sleep much less than my partner and I’ll have to multitask more than the male in my family and think of a gazillion things more than him but I’m strong and I am capable and I can do this.

I've never asked this at interview but do ask once they start the job so I can explain what's available to them and how i can support eg flexible working requests, parental leave, how we manage everyone wanting half term off, parents evening etc. As a single parent myself, I know how the support and understanding from work can help.

Job interviews are odd ime. I interviewed for a pt nanny job and advised I had a toddler at home with dh. The family asked if I would be OK leaving my dc..
Odd question given they needed a nanny to enable them to leave their dc and go to work!!

It signals to me that whoever is in charge of hiring hasn't done an effective job of training their interviewers. If it's a big enough company you could consider feeding that back to HR, without necessarily naming the interviewer, and see what they say. The company are leaving themselves open to a claim of sex discrimination if they ask questions like this and then don't hire the candidate. It's something they should know to steer clear of.

In terms of working for them as a company, it depends if this one man's attitude is representative or if he's just an individual loose cannon. I guess you won't know until you have more of a feel for the place.

This is why I rejected a second interview somewhere and went with the company I am with now.

Questions that would not be asked of men. I'm the breadwinner of the family not my DP (over 3 x his earning potential), but they automatically assumed I was the supplementary wage and main caregiver .

Why would a man not be asked that question?

@greasyshoes

Why would a man not be asked that question?

Oh please.

@greasyshoes - there’s always one twat. Why be that person?

I was asked a similar question by a woman boss. It was disappointing and I remember feeling a bit off at the time but accepted the job. The entire time I worked there she’s constantly work it into the conversation with comments of ‘ever thought about having another’ (absolutely not at that point) and when covid hit and I was wfh and my childcare was cancelled and we were doing everything possible to balance DD between us, she’d often make comments like ‘your DH needs to grow a pair and take over dd so you can work.’ This for a part time pa role. These are only examples, she became unbearable and when I (unexpectedly but happily) was pregnant she really knuckled down with the shit she gave me. So, in hindsight, I wish I’d seen the early warnings.

[quote Justilou1]@greasyshoes - there’s always one twat. Why be that person?[/quote]
That seems to be greasy's raison d'etre in these here parts!

Honestly, it would make me very very wary. Things that would then impact my decision would be, for example:

1. The person interviewing me - how important will he be in my role? Is he my boss? My boss's boss? A key internal stakeholder? If he is any of the above, I think I'd be going with "no thank you".

1. how big is this organization and what are their official policies on flexible working, maternity leave etc. I'd want to be looking at what the real culture is, or the culture they're trying to develop is.

1. What were the other interviewers like? If he was an aberration with all other interviews involving a meeting of minds, a good connection, sensible and insightful questions and answers.. I'd be less concerned.

Ew, I bet they didn't ask the men that and its probably not been noted down on their interview notes I bet. I would view it as a bit of a red flag but depends on how much you want the job!

@RoseslnTheHospital

It signals to me that whoever is in charge of hiring hasn't done an effective job of training their interviewers. If it's a big enough company you could consider feeding that back to HR, without necessarily naming the interviewer, and see what they say. The company are leaving themselves open to a claim of sex discrimination if they ask questions like this and then don't hire the candidate. It's something they should know to steer clear of.

In terms of working for them as a company, it depends if this one man's attitude is representative or if he's just an individual loose cannon. I guess you won't know until you have more of a feel for the place.

This. If one of my old companies (retired now) interviewers had asked this, they’d be pulled up very quickly and told that it is highly unprofessional, unconsciously bias or outright sexist and that must never ever do t again. They certainly would have it recorded in their performance management document as something they needed to work on

However, don’t judge a company by one misogynistic interviewer, unless he’s going to be your manager. If he is I’d run for the hills. As much as anything he’s a moron if he thinks you were going to answer with “omg, I didn’t think about it, I don’t know how on earth im going to mamage” 🤦‍♀️

It's not appropriate based on what you have said in the post - its in teh basic list of questions not to ask!
That said there can be some contexts where it would be appropriate- if you were moving jobs because of a family-life /work clash- if you specifically said it was important to you to do every bedtime etc - but these are gender neutral.
I don't know many men who mention their chidlren in an interview either

It's not appropriate and definitely not right or allowed but as said above since in more cases it does fall to the woman to pick up the slack sadly it's something they do need to know. But yes, shouldn't ask(I know!). I was asked that, and indignant about it but my dh is picking up the slack for me and as a family it is affecting us and my job is being affected in that nobody else has children there and me having children does slightly effect my work in a way it wouldn't others (but yes, not as much as it's affecting dh and he would not have been asked).