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Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

If you're a woman who is good at sport

28 replies

spleencoffin · 13/02/2022 14:58

My goodness some men cannot handle it

I'm in my 40s now so hardly elite level but I've started my own fitness business which is doing well.

Numerous instances of men messaging me. Stalking my social media and telling me what not to say, questioning why I was recommended for something, treating me differently etc. I hope this doesn't go on in elite sport.

OP posts:
gemsand · 13/02/2022 15:42

You're right. I've noticed that. However, there are some men who really really like it when a woman excels in a sport. It's just they're not the sort to go stalking your social media - because they're well-adjusted.
Sorry to read that you're experiencing this but glad to read your business is doing well. Focus on your positive clients and try to ignore the idiots.

TheSpottedZebra · 13/02/2022 15:46

I was a very good martial artist in my youth (brag!)

Even as a teen, if ever the subject somehow came up I'd get grown men - not martial artists - telling me that 'yeah but I could still knock you out', 'I could take you, easily', or the aggressive 'YOU THINK YOU COULD BEAT ME UP THEN, EH????'

Threatened by a random child, and needing to put her in her place.

TheSpottedZebra · 13/02/2022 15:48

And OP, of course it goes on in elite sport! It's just a more active version of women having their work, opinions, habits corrected by A Man.

Campfirewood · 13/02/2022 15:56

I’m a sporty woman and can do a 19 minute 5k. Not the same but I find men love to say they’ll come running with me, and they’ll be able to keep up Grin

When I started a new job in my 20s one of the guys (in his 50s and overweight), and I got chatting.
I said I liked running and another woman in there said she did and she’d come with me.
She was very fit, ran most days.
This blokes then chimes in with how he’d come running with us. He’ll show us how it’s done. He ran a few times a year 😑
He did come and we ended up having to really slow down for him. He didn’t come again!
It’s so frustrating how because they’re male they assume they’re better and know it all. Obviously because I’m female I’ll be shitter, even thought I’m far fitter and this is my passion, I do pretty much every day!

I’m hoping it’ll die out, as young men tend to get it and respect us more.

Original poster
spleencoffin · 13/02/2022 17:52

Well done on 19 minutes 5k awesome!

OP posts:
Octomore · 13/02/2022 17:55

@TheSpottedZebra

And OP, of course it goes on in elite sport! It's just a more active version of women having their work, opinions, habits corrected by A Man.
Absolutely. I do a lot of sport and the number of men who are threatened by it is depressing.
PenStation · 13/02/2022 18:06

Yes, I was very sporty in my youth and a significant minority of men were threatened by it. They would blast past me as if to show me that they were superior and then rapidly run out of steam. It was pathetic.

PenStation · 13/02/2022 18:06

Just keen doing your thing. They usually go away with their tail between their legs

FennecShandDoesEverything · 13/02/2022 18:10

Can confirm that a significant number of men get weird about it when you pass them running. They frequently put on a spurt of speed, pass you... and then run out of wind, and you pass them again. Grin

But yeah, fortunately it's not every one. I've been lifting with a PT of late and have muscles where I didn't used to, and both I and DH are finding it hot.

NarcissistsEyebrows · 14/02/2022 17:02

I'm not particularly good at my sport but somehow I've got to a brown belt in karate and am doing some teaching, eyeing up black belt now...
The rest of the class are all male, all more junior than me (other than the other black belt teachers)

It's amazing how they're nearly divided into those who talk to me normally and treat me like a real human. They take extra care when practice fighting with me as they realise I'm female.

The other half of the class completely ignore me, properly pretend I don't exist. Yet when we're partnered for fighting, they try their hardest to hurt or humiliate me.

UsernameNotAvailableHmm · 14/02/2022 20:21

@spleencoffin

Well done on your successful fitness business

The male behaviour you described just made me think of a programme I used to watch. It was called 'The Secret Life of 4/5 and 6 year olds', filmed in a playgroup/school kind of setting.

There was a definite contrast in how the little boys and girls rated their ability to do things. Before setting them tasks , the boys were asked how they thought they would perform, whereupon the boys would praise their ability and, if there was to be a race, every single boy said they would win. The girls, on the other hand, all doubted themselves, except for just one little girl, who thought she would do well.

If the boys team did win, they would get a prize, make a big song and dance about it and taunt the losing team (the girls), who would look a bit disappointed.

If the girls team won, some of the boys would cry. They were inconsolable, until a little girl offered them the prize she had just won!

I found this quite remarkable.

It would appear this trait starts early in life!

deydododatdodontdeydo · 15/02/2022 10:48

I’m a sporty woman and can do a 19 minute 5k.

19mins is faster than most men (non-elite).
It's funny because anyone who has ever run with other people knows there is a wide range of abilities and there are always, always some women that finish ahead of most of the men.
I mostly run park runs these days (and not too quickly), but looking that the results, most men finish behind at least one woman, so why would they be weird about it?
Note that everyone seems very friendly and supportive at park run, even the men, and I haven't heard any negative comments.

Justanotherobserver · 15/02/2022 17:37

My second post here, so hello.

always some women that finish ahead of most of the men

This makes me think of the fell runner Helene Diamantides who is just awesome. In 1992 she competed in the Dragon's Back race, a five day 220 mile race across the mountains of Wales. She and her partner won. 20 years later, at the age of 48, she ran it again, this time coming in 4th. There were loads of tough guys competing and so many of them had to drop out, but she kept going. There was another woman who ran the same race, Wendy Dodds. She was 61 and she came in after dark on the last day, but she did it. I don't run myself but found HD's strength and endurance utterly inspiring. When I'm having a tough day, I'll think of her sometimes and it keeps me going.

www.dragonsbackrace.com/news/2012/3/7/twenty-years-later-an-interview-with-helene-whitaker-and-martin-stone

Justanotherobserver · 15/02/2022 17:38

I’m a sporty woman and can do a 19 minute 5k.

That makes me feel like a total sloth! Grin

Rainbowshit · 15/02/2022 17:40

I'm reasonably good at my sport, and I have always had boyfriends think they can beat me just by virtue of being male.

The tantrums that ensue when I thrash them are pretty amusing. One broke his racquet and stormed off. We didn't last.

ShirleyPhallus · 15/02/2022 17:46

I do a lot of weight lifting and Christ some of the men in the weights room are awful. It’s like the Neanderthals have returned

YoComoManzanas · 15/02/2022 17:46

I'm quite good at mtb. One of my very small female friends could have become a pro if she had wanted to. The amount of men who have to head down a trail before us is unreal. We usually end up overtaking them. I once had one guy follow me for about 5k on a standard trail and then said as he blasted past me 'didn't think I was going to catch you there'. I was rather annoyed because I had slowed down several times to be courteous to various dog walkers etc and he hadn't.
It's usually newbies with all the gear and no idea.
Same with rock climbing. Turn up at the wall and some newb comes up to offer me pointers on my warm up circuit (presume a lame attempt to chat me up).

OccultGnuAsWell · 17/02/2022 11:06

I played ladies rugby throughout most of the 1990's. The other male teams in the clubhouse were entirely supportive of us playing.

Some of the day to day blokes I encountered who didn't play didn't take it so well. Bearing in mind it wasn't as common back then, one argued "but women just can't play rugby" as is if it were a solid fact, like gravity. I can still hear him. "You can't. You just caaan't "

Then he insisted I drink a pint of beer as that is what rugby players drink.

Others expressed concern about our boobs getting mashed in tackles (they don't). Or whether we scratched each other's eyes out during the game. Or did the physio run on when our mascara ran.

Most creepy was the local solicitor who was a regular on the touchline. He announced it was like watching "free mud wrestling".

The nearest I came to shutting one down was asking what advantage testicles gave them in such a physical sport.

TheDrsDocMartens · 17/02/2022 11:11

My daughter is naturally very able at sports ( nothing like me) and the boys in her class used to refuse to let her join in ‘girls can’t play’ then when she did join, she thrashed them and now they don’t let her play because she’s too good.

Dontbeme · 17/02/2022 11:43

I had this with archery, I shoot a recurve bow and one of the new guys was beside me on the same target. I got a higher score (ahem double his score) and he insisted that something was wrong with his bow. He changed bows to a compound bow and came back the following week, unfortunately we had a compound shooter from another club join us for the day and she wiped the floor with him. He insisted that something was wrong with his new bow, so changed to traditional style bow. I just don't get it.

OccultGnuAsWell · 17/02/2022 12:11

Dontbeme what is the thought process involved in that?

Does he have an automatic expectation he will be better than a female just because he's a male?

And if he can't out shoot them then the problem lies with the equipment not the person holding it?

Life must be a constant series of disappointments for the poor bloke.

ExtremelyDelighted · 17/02/2022 12:40

DD is an archer. When she was about 13 a boy the same age came for a try-out at the club. DH (who had taken DD) told me that his mum had said he wouldn't be coming back because he was upset that the girls were better than him. It does start young.

AgeingDoc · 17/02/2022 12:57

I coach at a kids sports club. I have a male co coach. We do two sessions in the evening. I lead one and he assists and then we swap. I send out all the emails about competitions, training dates etc. We have the same qualifications. I'm there every week and always hang around afterwards in case any of the parents have questions. But at least 75% of the time any queries are directed to my male co coach, even regarding kids in the group that I lead. When he redirects parents to me they often express surprise and say they thought he was in charge. Even when they have stood and watched me coach their children week in week out for months, and have received dozens of emails from the club which include my role and qualifications in my signature, they somehow fail to realise that I am just as capable of giving them feedback on their 10 year old's progress as the coach with a penis. And sadly, the Mums are as bad as the Dads in this respect.

Justanotherobserver · 17/02/2022 13:11

It's wearying, isn't it. Not just in sport but everything, people have this idea that men must be better, regardless of what's being done. Me and OH work together. It was me who did the studying and took the exams, but people still look to him for answers. Bless him, he always, always says 'Don't speak to me, mate, she's the one with the knowledge'.

Lunar27 · 17/02/2022 13:49

Not that it needs saying but I work out a lot and enjoy lifting weights. I have just finished watching a series of YouTube videos where these women are seriously awesome.

A good test of strength is squatting your bodyweight but these are snatching almost twice mine.