But what about the men??????

[pastypirate]

Every single thread on fb I've read recently about vawg has what about the men comments. I've just seen one this morning by cornwall live reporting about some martial arts chap offering free self defence classes for women (great news!) and hey presto there are what about the men comments.

Even here on local press (Plymouth) when we have just been through the murder of Bobbi Anne McLeod there are what about then men.....

I would like some methods of dealing with this - thinking a cut and paste of mens dv charity helpline or something? What can you use to shut it down respectfully?

Don't attempt to.

Instead embrace it - agree with them (unless of course you think men don't get attacked it have breast cancer or whatever) and enlarge and invigorate the debate to make the world a better place for everyone,

Now, if you're canny, during that sort of positive discussion, the extent of the need for separate services as well as overlapping ones, will become clear.

Never assume that someibe who makes a comment of that sort is derailing - they probably just see it as a different world picture (which is OK) and one which might have come about by bitter experience. Working together is the best way to help everyone.

Post a link to this:

victimfocusblog.com/2018/01/03/stop-asking-me-what-about-men/

Why not just answer? Why not free self-defense classes for men?

Maybe he feels women in particular need more confidence? Or are more at risk of being hurt in an attack? Though I suspect that latter point is questionable.

It's a nice thought, but I'm not sure how useful something like this is for women, in the end, which comes out when you ask the question directly rather than just saying it's the wrong kind of question.

Karen Ingala Smith, who compiles the list of women killed by men each year (Counting Dead Women Project), is constantly being asked 'what about the men?'. She has reply on her website which addresses it well - kareningalasmith.com/category/men/

I don't think shutting down the comments is the way to go - giving people evidence which might make them consider things differently and then letting it sink in works well.

Ask them what they do to help men. I only ever see men caring about men on posts about women. What did they post on IMD or during men's mental health awareness month? Where do they volunteer to help men? How many letters have they written to their MP about men's issues/lack of help for men? How much do they donate to men's charities? How many petitions to help men have they signed? How many posts have they seen by men struggling on which they've helped?

@mosbiusdesigns great post. After all, what's stopping them?

@Mosbiusdesigns

Ask them what they do to help men. I only ever see men caring about men on posts about women. What did they post on IMD or during men's mental health awareness month? Where do they volunteer to help men? How many letters have they written to their MP about men's issues/lack of help for men? How much do they donate to men's charities? How many petitions to help men have they signed? How many posts have they seen by men struggling on which they've helped?

This.

They don't care about men either, it's just a tool they use to try and shut women up.

Yep @outlyingtrout- with bells on

Mosbiusdesigns has it. The best response is something along the lines of: "Oh yes absolutely - what charities/organisations/grass roots activities do you contribute to? I'd love to get involved."

There are defo times where it’s a bit tonedeaf, but usually it’s said in response to women acting like they’re the main victims of violence and whinging about men.

Thank you for the link Shedmistress. It really is illuminating that a women who works with both women and men is constantly asked that question.

Some comments underneath the very clear article are asking the question. It is really sad that men believe they need to be centre of attention all the time.

I don't mind people asking about men.

What I object to is the drowning out of any discussion about women.

It's the ultimate whataboutery.

Oh wow oh wow @waitwhat23 thank you for that Ingala link! Added to my bookmark arsenal.

@Waitwhat23

Karen Ingala Smith, who compiles the list of women killed by men each year (Counting Dead Women Project), is constantly being asked 'what about the men?'. She has reply on her website which addresses it well - kareningalasmith.com/category/men/

I don't think shutting down the comments is the way to go - giving people evidence which might make them consider things differently and then letting it sink in works well.

This is brilliant thank you

@SpringheelJack

Mosbiusdesigns has it. The best response is something along the lines of: "Oh yes absolutely - what charities/organisations/grass roots activities do you contribute to? I'd love to get involved."

Yes!!