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Feminism: chat

Should I say something?

17 replies

AlexaShutUp · 10/09/2021 20:52

A male team member wrote up some minutes of a meeting. He is a very nice guy, but I have very occasionally felt ever so slightly patronised by him. (I'm in a more senior role.) I have wondered if I am being over sensitive to this. I might be.

I was at the meeting in question. Most of the participants were male and one of the women was relatively quiet. The other woman was very vocal and her contributions were useful and relevant. The minutes don't reflect this at all. Her contributions were either omitted completely or else attributed to one of the male participants.

I have amended the minutes to reflect her contributions accurately but would you raise this with the person who wrote the notes? I'm sure that he wouldn't intentionally edit her out but something feels very off about it to be. Confused

What do others think?

OP posts:

EspressoDoubleShot · 10/09/2021 20:54

I’d send him a copy of the minutes, note you made amendments and await his response. You did the right thing


felulageller · 10/09/2021 20:56

As above.


EspressoDoubleShot · 10/09/2021 20:57

It’s a way to maintain accuracy without him being defensive
Keep an eye that it’s not a habitual pattern or omission of women contributions


Ionlydomassiveones · 10/09/2021 20:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

DukeOfEarlGrey · 10/09/2021 21:00

Definitely flag - you can do it in a non-confrontational way if you want, but this screams of everyday sexism in action and should be nipped in the bud. Even if he doesn't realise he has done it, unconscious bias is still bias.

NB I have just resigned from a job because of bullying that had all the hallmarks of misogyny. I only had one senior female colleague and she was the ringleader! I would have been so grateful to have an astute and responsible colleague like you around to have my back as you are doing for this other women. Bloody well done OP.


AlexaShutUp · 10/09/2021 21:01

Thank you @EspressoDoubleShot. Good call. I'll do that.

OP posts:

EspressoDoubleShot · 10/09/2021 21:02

Yes I wholehearted agree about unconscious bias. It permeates into behaviour


AlexaShutUp · 10/09/2021 21:06

I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened to you @DukeOfEarlGrey. That sounds shit.

You're so right about unconscious bias. I rather suspect that, even if I send him the amended minutes, he still won't get it. I reckon I'm going to have to spell it out. Even then, though, I think he'll think I'm reading things into it that aren't there.

OP posts:

EspressoDoubleShot · 10/09/2021 21:26

What’s important is the amended minutes being circulated
If you’re not his line maanger etc it’s hard to have a performance discuss about good minutes, unconscious bias etc. That convo needs to be with his manager


DukeOfEarlGrey · 10/09/2021 21:56

Thank you OP. And yep, really shit - I am better off out!

Whatever you choose to do here the good thing is that you have spotted the issue and at a minimum are giving this woman the deserved credit for her contribution. It's the kind of thing that gets dismissed as trivial but the cumulative effect is massive. You are one of the good ones!


LobsterNapkin · 10/09/2021 22:18

Yes, amend and circulate.

It could be some sort of bias, or not.


Disfordarkchocolate · 12/09/2021 11:12

Did your meeting gave those men who like to repeat good ideas made by women to claim them as their own @AlexaShutUp?


GoWalkabout · 12/09/2021 11:18

'Hi can you ensure that you reflect all significant contributions, such as those made by x on Wednesday, in future minutes. I have amended Thanks'.


Quaggars · 15/09/2021 00:57


I’d send him a copy of the minutes, note you made amendments and await his response. You did the right thing


Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2021 01:03

I would send your corrections back to him and give him one chance to pull his head out. Just one. If he does it again, a big conversation needs to be had.


MotherWol · 16/09/2021 12:51

“Dear (name),

I received the minutes of the meeting on (date) and noted that the comments made by Jane Smith have been mistakenly attributed to Dave, Bob and John. I have amended the minutes (see attached) and would be grateful if you can update the record for accuracy.

(Your Name)”


Sexnotgender · 16/09/2021 12:54

You definitely need to address this.

I used to have a male manager who would constantly steal ideas in team meetings from women and present them as his own shortly after. Was beyond infuriating. We quickly learned to share absolutely nothing of value with him.

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