Feminism: chat
Sexualisation of new mothers
lafemme · 04/09/2021 07:44
There is a trend on the social media platform TikTok at the moment where men caption themselves as watching their wives breastfeeding whilst giving a creepy look then they sing 'don't I wish that I could do that' inferring that they want to be in the baby's place.
I find it quite unnerving that many men are being so publicly open about conflating breastfeeding an infant with sexual arousal. The sexualisation of women's bodies in this way just really gives me the ick, no wonder bf rates are so low.
There's also a trend where men are bragging about their wives being given the go ahead for sex after their 6 week post natal check at the doctors (an Americanism I think) Again I find this all a bit brazen.
Many young women and girls use the app and it makes it seem like it's acceptable and the social norm is to allow men to leer at you when feeding your newborn and to be up for sex despite having a newborn.
I guess I believe this is a feminist issue as it seems some men are being so bold and shameless (under the guise of comedy) in their sexualisation of new mothers so publicly and it seems to be unquestioned and unchallenged.
HatsOnHatsOff · 04/09/2021 11:34
People interpret experiences from their own frame of reference, this trend is another reminder that for a lot of men everything is about their sexual 'needs'. Another pressure on women, get back in the sack as soon as you can. C'mon girls, be sexually desirable and active at all times. The menfolk need it.
LobsterNapkin · 04/09/2021 14:08
It'a really the social media element of this that is unsavoury. Men have always found breasts attractive, including new mother's. And many are also happy to be able to have sex after a break, I think that's fairly normal, though many have unrealistic expectations. As do a lot of new mums in my experience.
But who shares this stuff on social media? Well, it's the generation that's learned that they need to share everything, isn't it?
It's worth noting that it's not that uncommon for some women to feel sexual pleasure related to breastfeeding, it really bothers some as they haven't been told it is a possibility and not abnormal - it's just hormonal. I've known of women to stop breastfeeding because it made them so uncomfortable.
deydododatdodontdeydo · 05/09/2021 13:29
It's worth noting that it's not that uncommon for some women to feel sexual pleasure related to breastfeeding, it really bothers some as they haven't been told it is a possibility and not abnormal - it's just hormonal.
Nobody told me, and I have barely ever seen it mentioned or talked about since 
dreamygirl25 · 05/09/2021 13:35
@PaleGreenGhost
Women are never allowed to be the agents of their own desire.
I had a bad injury during the birth of my last baby. The 6 month consultation was over the phone and the female consultant asked me about my sex life and said 'your husband does have needs you know'. I've never been able to forget how inappropriate that was or how many women (even women who may be victims of sexual assault) she must have said that to.
thesplashing · 05/09/2021 14:09
@dreamygirl25 that's appalling and unprofessional behaviour, why am I not surprised that mothers aren't put at the centre of their own maternal care.
The 'maternity voices' group for my local nhs trust have just put a social media post out requesting stories from fathers about their nhs experiences with maternity care 
just can't let them women have their own space.
Interesting points about the TikToks perhaps being a result of the acceptance of oversharing....I wonder where the line is crossed....
Ijustreallywantacat · 05/09/2021 14:18
I had a little search and I can't find anything. Haven't yet spotted it on my tiktok and I'm on there quite a lot. Where did you see it? I think if that's true then its gross and cringe, but thankfully I think it must just be a few immature people!
LobsterNapkin · 06/09/2021 13:56
@deydododatdodontdeydo
Nobody told me, and I have barely ever seen it mentioned or talked about since
I think people are really uncomfortable about this and unsure how to talk about it.
I think it comes in part from a general problem we have discussing sex in a really grounded way. It tends to be irrational either in a romanticised sex positive approach, or attempts to make a hard line between biologically normal sexual response and what is considered socially ok.
But it doesn't do new mums and service to feel like they are weirdos.
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