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Feminism: chat

How do you deal with the anger?

23 replies

BobbieMarkowe · 04/08/2021 17:49

Or the despair?

I don’t usually post much over here because I can only handle feminism is short bursts before it overwhelms me and I need to bury my head in the sand again.

I still haven’t finished reading Invisible Women 18 months after I started because each chapter leaves me furious.

OP posts:

Chickenyhead · 04/08/2021 18:20

I tend to either Bury it, which is really unhealthy, or write complaints, which can help.

Sometimes you just have to take a break, read something fluffy in-between.


EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 04/08/2021 18:22

Stickering can be pretty cathartic.


GNCQ · 04/08/2021 18:26

Yep. Knowledge is really bad for the mental health.

Just keep remembering that progress is being made and try your hardest to forget about the issues spoken about on the other Feminist board

I cope by remembering other women, amazing women, really are taking it all on and I'm grateful for every single one of them.


AssassinatedBeauty · 04/08/2021 21:00

I take small actions where I can to support women and girls. Financially if I can, or even simply by providing moral support, positive comments on social media, signing petitions (preferably ones that are on the petition site so they might actually get a response), sometimes I write to my MP etc etc. Any small action that feels like a positive response, given that I cannot at the moment take on more activism directly myself.


BobbieMarkowe · 04/08/2021 22:48

Thanks for the replies. Good to know it’s not just me.

I think going forward I’ll concentrate on trying to do small bursts of activity and then take a break for my mental health.

Once your eyes are opened though, it’s impossible not to see!

OP posts:

Thelnebriati · 05/08/2021 10:03

Its not just you. The absolute contempt directed at women, its not even covert or hidden now.


Wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 05/08/2021 10:49

I have to take breaks from it all from time to time. And I haven't even read Invisible Women because I know it will make me furious.

I'm reminded of this article when I take a break:


EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 05/08/2021 15:24

It also helps massively to have other women to vent to.


Mateypotatey · 07/08/2021 23:38

Agree to short bursts of whatever you can do. Mine are the memory of calling the police on a student that sexually assaulted me in class, and calling out misogyny when it's raised. Teaching 12 year olds about the patriarchy in my job. Know that others are doing the same. Recently reading Robert webbs book how not to be a boy helped a lot . FWIW I think it's sometimes healthy to be angry though, it spurs us to action!


flowerpootle · 07/08/2021 23:55

I take breaks

I leave Twitter every now and then

I do everything in my power to advance women and girls at work and in my personal life and do everything I can to protect sex based rights (which given my role at work I am able to do quite a lot)


WhereYouLeftIt · 08/08/2021 22:51

"Once your eyes are opened though, it’s impossible not to see!"

I am mostly a ball of rage these daysSad.


LizzieSiddal · 08/08/2021 22:58

I’m another one who takes a break every now and then for my own mental health.
I like to think we’re all in a relay team together (for a very long, sodding marathon) and we need to stop running sometimes but we know others will carry on until we’re ready to get back on the track.
I donate to crowd funding for court cases and also find talking to my dh and friends helps a lot too.


Fairyliz · 08/08/2021 22:59

Take a break, get out in the fresh air and literally smell the flowers.
Being out in nature is the only thing that calms me down.


Wanderingstars4238 · 11/08/2021 01:30

Well men aren't any happier than women. Although men cause most their own problems and I don't sympathize, it makes me less angry to remember that.

I used to be enraged on a daily basis, but I made it a high priority to calm down and look at the big picture - The whole world is f**ked. But things are changing, and everyone I'm mad at will most likely be dead in 50 years. They aren't worth ruining my mental health or pleasant personality over.


Doughnut100 · 11/08/2021 21:24

I am currently on a massive break. I wrote a gender-critical thesis, worked on a DV service, and my fury levels felt damaging to my life. I deleted Twitter and took early maternity leave from that job. But the current break is not a solution. I don't know.


quixote9 · 12/08/2021 04:11

You're way ahead of me. I haven't even been able to start Invisible Women because I can't face the rage.


peanutbutter789 · 12/08/2021 06:22

I am trying to work out how to deal with the anger - the more I read and experience in life the less I can ignore it.
I work in healthcare and I see the fallout from male aggression every single day. The majority towards women and children, and sometimes towards other men. It is heartbreaking and it feels like I am powerless in the face of such a massive problem.
I feel the rage, vent sometimes at my wonderful husband, and do my best to support the people I meet whose lives have been impacted by it. I donate when I can to causes like Sex Matters. But it feels like such a tiny contribution and I am aware that I need breaks sometimes from reading the Mumsnet boards and depressing news stories about yet another female victim of male violence, just to protect my own sanity.

Any other coping mechanisms that others use for dealing with the rage I would love to hear.


TinFoilHats · 12/08/2021 06:36

I don't think I feel the rage so much anymore. But I do feel despair.
I see the cycle of young girls taking their first steps into adulthood full of hope based on the knowledge that some other women have removed some obstacles in their way but completely oblivious to the ongoing struggles of their sex.
A realisation that mostly hits them when they become mothers and then they get the rage. But the rage is not listened to by the generation below because some progress has been made and the cycle starts again...

I'm guilty of the above and I can see my children walking head first into it too...
Oh well...


TiredButDancing · 12/08/2021 17:00

It can turn me into a bitter person and I know that there are people in my extended social circle who find me v frustrating. And the irony is that 99% of the time I'm holding back from what I really want to say scream. DH's family have all taken to saying things like, "well, Tired, you are very hardcore feminist" in the sort of tone you might use to someone who's complaining and surprised about having sore muscles the day after they ran a marathon. It's infuriating.

SIL is deeply deeply unhappy with BIL, thinks lots of his behaviours are not okay, but if I dare to suggest that perhaps some of this comes from a place of misogyny and she deserves more, will tell me that she needs to take responsibility for "allowing things" to get to this point.

I just seem to look like a loon most of the time and I know lots of people feel sorry for DH because he has to live with this harpy.

I survive by being on boards like this or engaging with people on SM who see things the same way. I am certainly not finding many like minded people around me.


ChattyLion · 19/08/2021 23:59

Following for tips. It’s shit. I just try to support other women where I can.


Waferbiscuit · 20/08/2021 08:12

I am finding it more and more difficult to cope with the rage as I get older. It's the arrogant, enabled men at work, the invisibility of women over 50, the double standards etc that drive me nuts. I cope by trying not to engage with men socially /outside of work. Don't care if there are 'nice guys' out there, I just don't have time for their privilege.


Wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 20/08/2021 08:14


You're way ahead of me. I haven't even been able to start Invisible Women because I can't face the rage.

Me too.

KittenKong · 26/08/2021 15:04

I rant. Then I ask questions of people who trot out they line and don’t know why. Or act dumb.

Today I have replied to an email with pronouns proudly displayed in the footer to ‘Dear She/her Fernandez’ (not their real name). I will
Let her explain to me later... and again...and again...

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