Self Protection

[talkingdeadscot]

Given that it looks like more and more spaces are going to become mixed sex by default (neutral gender) what, if anything, are people going to do to keep themselves as safe as they can?

When I was younger I used to take self defence classes and obviously all the usual being careful when I was out, not walking in certain areas etc. All the things men don't really have to think about.

Now I'm 59 with rubbish health and I have to think about my options. Do I continue to avoid situations and places that I've always avoided and add public toilets and changing rooms to that list? Or do I refuse to make myself completely invisible and find a way to minimise the risk by finding some sort of self defence I can still do?

I can't believe I'm even having to think like this but I've been through too many horrendous situations caused by men to bow down now, just when I thought I'd have some peace! Anyone else?

@Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons

Leafstamp yes! No one will come if you shout rape because people do it as a joke () but if you shout fire people will come & help.

That’s it! Don’t scream “rape” as no one will come.

I’m convinced this message was broadcast much like the Charley Says Don’t Talk To Strangers ads.

Thank you FemaleandLearning for the link to sexism in schools project.

I’m already signed up and a monthly donor to Sex Matters

When I was mugged (rugby tackled to the floor by a bloke, whilst two females took my bag, purse and phone) Initially I fought back a bit, until the larger girl threatened to 'fuck up my face' if I didn't desist.
The officer I reported it too said:
A) My description wasn't clear enough to do anything about it (I don't know how clear you need to be but I'd covered the essentials and it matched later CCTV)
B) If I fought back and injured my THREE attackers I could be prosecuted.
This was 15 years ago and I don't think things have improved.

That’s awful Slayer, I’m so sorry that happened to you.

I wish there was more done about that sort of thing.

I think it’s worth being realistic here. It is very rare for women to be attacked in public by men they don’t know. It does, of course, happen - but very rarely

That’s the narrative yes, but it really depends on how you define ‘attacked’. I had a man come up behind me at a bar and shove his hand down the front of my trousers. I didn’t even see his face. That sort of thing is very far from rare. And how about secret recording devices in toilets and changing rooms? Up skirting? Becoming more and more of a problem. Or do those things not really matter?

Eventually I think hatpins will come back into fashion.....the Victorian/Edwardian lady's handy deterrent. Some of them were quite enormous

@TeaAndStrumpets

Eventually I think hatpins will come back into fashion.....the Victorian/Edwardian lady's handy deterrent. Some of them were quite enormous

I've looked for self defence classes for my daughter, but they don't seem to exist any more.

@invisiblesuit

Have you looked at something specific like Krav Maga? I'm not recommending anything but it seems you get classes in training like karate and it's more difficult to find something like self defence. Thirty years ago the council had self defence classes as well as plenty of other adult education but not so much any more.

I think it’s worth being realistic here. It is very rare for women to be attacked in public by men they don’t know. It does, of course, happen - but very rarely

Where did you get this nonsense from? Most women could give you a list of incidents — from unwanted touching to harassment and low-level assaults — that they’ve never reported because police don’t take action.

Thanks, leafstamp , the experience taught me victim blaming is very real. The officer had a sneering attitude because I was dressed for going out(jeans and flat pumps, probably a nice top, I can't remember) and walking on my own (7pm!) It opened my eyes to why people don't like the police, as I'd always learnt to trust and respect them up to that point.
I now know they're generally no better or worse than the general public (a low bar) with a few good eggs thrown in.

For the past 8 months my college has been allowing men to just use the women's shower whenever they feel like it, which forces me to wait until almost 1.30-2.00am to avoid them, or use my friend's private room almost on the other end of campus. Most of the time the men aren't even using the restroom, they are just in there "hanging out what's the big deal I'm gender neutral I swear". I've repeatedly complained to community living and title IX but all that happened is I was required to meet with the equal opportunity advisor about how I should be more inclusive. I can't do it anymore and I'm actively pursuing how to live off campus next year as a sophomore, but I'm afraid I won't be able to.

I was at college with a man like this in one of my classes. The toilets were single sex but along the same narrow corridor, and the men's were half way along but the women's were right at the end. He would stand in the corridor, "just hanging out" to force women to have to brush past him to get to their toilets.

He was quite open about it being, in his words "a great way to make women speak to me"

I made the mistake of being nice to him at first, felt a bit sorry for him, thought he was quite shy. It didn't take long to wise up to him but by that time he knew where I lived and had started sending things to my house, including a weird drawing of me as a superhero style woman in very little clothing and breasts bigger than my head. I had to get very firm with him to make him leave me alone, and oddly, a couple of years later when I met my now DH, this man was working with DH's sister, doing the same things at work as he used to do at college. When we met her from work one day he saw me and told her to make DH aware I was "a prick tease bitch" who gives out signals and then turns on you.

If women's toilets had been fair game back then, there's no doubt in my mind that he would have been in them, all six foot seven and eighteen stone of him, beard and all, forcing college girls to brush past him to get into a cubicle.

@TheSlayer

Thanks, leafstamp , the experience taught me victim blaming is very real. The officer had a sneering attitude because I was dressed for going out(jeans and flat pumps, probably a nice top, I can't remember) and walking on my own (7pm!) It opened my eyes to why people don't like the police, as I'd always learnt to trust and respect them up to that point. I now know they're generally no better or worse than the general public (a low bar) with a few good eggs thrown in.

Those life experiences are really tough - the realisation that victim blaming exists and police are not always the trustworthy people they should be.