The puberty slouch

[Micemakingclothes]

I’m posting in feminism because I really don’t want to get a bunch of posts telling me my young teen must wear a bra. She doesn’t want one. She doesn’t have to wear one. End of discussion.

Dd is developing and it’s pretty clear she is going to be very well endowed like me. It’s also clear she isn’t entirely happy about it. She has started slouching. We met the grandparents in the park for the first time in a very long time and they too noticed she wouldn’t stand up straight.

I’ve let her know that if she wants any support garments or tank tops they are available. I’ve told her about my friend who slouched to hide her breasts and developed a physical and painful hump.

The slouching continues.

She is “high functioning” ASD.

I’m just not sure what to do.

Poor thing, it's shit being a teen. Maybe buy her some options that you think she might wear ,leave them in her room and leave her to it. I wouldn't mention it again,she'll find her own way eventually.

I did the slouch around 9 when my breasts started developing. I HATED them for a good three years and every photo shows me humped over with a baggy shirt. Best thing for me was around 13/15 I started a more advanced ballet class where posture was critical and I could watch many older teen girls seemingly unfazed by their breasts. It really changed my brain so by the time I was 15, my breasts felt normal and I could look at my body and feel good about it. I think this is very, very normal. My own tween DD goes on about how awful her hips are - I feel absolutely awful that she feels that way but I keep trying to tell her, "you just aren't used to your growing adult body yet...one day it WILL feel normal."

Sporty no wire bras. My teen dd with scoliosis would not even countenance bras but i left a selection of plain sporty crops and tops in their room and after 6 weeks, they wore them. You can get comfty and supportive ones in all sizes , i am going that way myself with my perimenopausal 34Ff jobs.

There has been a selection of tanks, camisoles with shelf bras, and sports bras in her drawer for the last few years. Everything is carefully chosen to be as soft as possible because she prefers soft clothing. I replace them as she grows without comment. She chooses not to wear them. She also knows I will but her pretty much whatever she wants whenever she asks for it. This is true for all clothing, not just this kind.

Will she wear a snug vest type top to give her a bit of support ?

I have ASD and quite a lot of sensory issues around clothes. I developed relatively late and refused to wear the utterly hideous bras I was provided with. Eventually the embarrassment of the crap see through school shirts overrode the discomfort and I persuaded my mother to buy me a nicer bra, a smooth moulded one. I now couldn't be without one when dressed. My mum brooked no dissent so it was tough; I had to put up or shut up. I might have cottoned on earlier if sports bras had been a thing in the 90s.

There are some really good body positive photos on the Molke website, and their bras are more like crop tips.

But I understand your reluctance to pressure her, just thought something so different might interest her even if she hates the idea of a bra.

What about a soft strapless. I have issues with the bra straps and not the actual bra itself. It’s not as supportive but will give her some cover confidence.

Also, there are rather supportive tank tops. They are stretchy and thicker (and a bit pricey), but that might help.

Puberty is really tough and more so for autistic girls. How about instead of slouching wearing baggy clothes or layering clothes, depending on any sensory issues.
My daughter is autistic and I find the drip drip of information about a topic better than demanding she do something. So how her lungs can't perform as well how it will round her shoulders etc.
I think also to acknowledge her discomfort with her growing breasts and to talk about male gaze and how this can make her feel but that she is not responsible for the actions of others. It's not her fault if males stare at her she is doing nothing wrong.

Loads of unusually tall teen boys/ men slouch as well to try and be less looked at.

I'd let her get on with it for now tbh.

My teen hates bras and growing breasts although like me she doesn't have too much going on there. Anyway, I know you said yours won't wear a bra, but the one sort mine gets on with is the zero feel one from sloggi, and is so comfy I now have one too. Just thought I'd mention in case of help.
As for what you do, I am not sure I'd do anything. She is growing up and hopefully will get used to her changing body in time. I'd just leave it, although maybe gently encourage her not to slouch. Would some baggy jumpers do for camouflage instead?

My view and I have a well endowed ASD teen, is that a properly fitted bra, with wiring, is actually the most comfortable thing on the day and gives the feeling of being in encumbered - but needs to be properly fitted

@DoYouRememberTheInnMiranda

There are some really good body positive photos on the Molke website, and their bras are more like crop tips.

But I understand your reluctance to pressure her, just thought something so different might interest her even if she hates the idea of a bra.

Both my bra hating teens like Molke.

@FemaleAndLearning

Puberty is really tough and more so for autistic girls. How about instead of slouching wearing baggy clothes or layering clothes, depending on any sensory issues. My daughter is autistic and I find the drip drip of information about a topic better than demanding she do something. So how her lungs can't perform as well how it will round her shoulders etc. I think also to acknowledge her discomfort with her growing breasts and to talk about male gaze and how this can make her feel but that she is not responsible for the actions of others. It's not her fault if males stare at her she is doing nothing wrong.

I have also encouraged this alternative with my DD.

She will not wear anything, but doesn't want to be noticed, or be different. So it is a compromise that works. For now.