When you were a child , what did you think it meant to be a woman?

[BVP246]

everyone has their own view point on this

mine was to be loyal

I thought it just meant you were a generic adult. I didn’t really grasp that being a woman made you truly different than being a man. Obviously I knew our bodies were different, but I didn’t understand the societal implications.

I mean the boobs and periods and stuff I knew I'd get them. That's s bit different though.

A woman was what girls grow up to be. Nothing other than that.

@AcrossthePond55

As a young child in the early '60s it meant to get married and be a housewife and mother. Growing up, my mum encouraged us to get an education, but it was always tempered with the 'fact' that eventually we'd marry and stop working to stay home. That's pretty much the path my older sister followed. But I got caught up in the Women's Lib movement of the early '70s and learnt that life had much, much more to offer!!!

I love this.

Child during 60s/70s. Had a great role model mum (and great dad) - in a profession and really interesting and in good equal supportive marriage.

However I think as a child I definitely connected women with cooking and food and nurturing and running the household and remembering and dealing with family admin stuff. Amongst friends almost all dads/men were less involved with us and more remote/shadowy figures.
Culturally I must have been affected by all the sexism absolutely rampant but also vividly remember strong women role models - Billy Jean king, Glenda Jackson/Vanessa Redgrave/ Jane Fonda/Jane Glover/j du pre/writers/academics - a lot of strong role models.
Was vaguely aware that women seemed to put up with a lot more than men - before I understood more and what feminism was and why it was.

In those glorious days I didn't think anything of it.

I went to an all girls school and we were brought up with the automatic assumption that we would have careers and lives exactly the same way as the boys would.

No difference except that we had periods and they would shave every day.

I know she's not feminism 's greatest ally but as a child growing up in the 80s with s female leader in Margaret Thatcher, it made me believe a woman could do anything.

I do remember from bond films, benny Hill etc that a woman had to be pretty and young and slim to be valuable to men though. A fat, ugly woman would be rejected and derided.

I don't think I ever though if it in those terms.

I had a mother (herself working in a field which remains male dominated, and she began in the 1950s) who prized education for her DC above all else, so we all turned out clever, with high academic attainment (and interesting careers later) and totally undomesticated

Typing that out, perhaps it is my view of being a woman - you probably do end up running a home and dealing with the smaller DC, but you have a career in (to nick a phrase) 'whatever the the fuck she wants' and interests (she gardened and read voraciously, and always prioritised that over housework) and whatever life throws at you, you cope.

For context, I pretended to be a boy for most of my childhood, because being a girl was just so boring and horrible. I hated dresses, long hair, fake girly politeness, clothes, cooking and cleaning, I didn't fit in at all. I even had a pretend boys name at home.

Despite all that I knew I'd be a woman when I was older and vaguely assumed I'd look something like Deanna Troy on Star Trek or Elizabeth Bennett, as I liked their ringletty hair. That was my way of resigning myself to it. Mostly I pretended it wouldn't happen and couldn't understand those eager to grow up.

(Was also diagnosed autistic with SPD a while ago, which probably explains a lot of the above.)

Grown up girl.

@NiceGerbil

Like a couple of other people I don't remember having any ideas about this at all.

I knew of course that it was usually women doing the housework. That there were calendars in shops with naked women. Page 3.

I knew that men and women usually wore different sorts of clothes etc.

But I genuinely never thought I'll grow up to be a woman, what will be expected, what will I do.

I always felt like s person inside though. I would feel actively annoyed/ confused when people seemed to treat me in a certain way due to my sex all the time.

I couldn't understand. I was a person why were they not treating me as one?

I never had a... Don't have the words. I was a person and I'd be s person all my life. The woman/ man stereotypes etc were just not relevant to me somehow.

Same here

But we had fantastic teachers and they were great role models. All female, no male, at primary, and a good range from formidable matrons to younger but also very confident young women. I did notice early on - from TV, page 3 etc - that being "pretty" and dressing a certain way made men treat and talk about you differently and I didn't want that. So I've probably suppressed my self-expression in that regard. Which is interesting to reflect on now.

To be strong, loud, independent and successful.

And never, ever wash a man's socks.

I've achieved one of those things.

I thought it meant you had to have a baby and before that you were limbo waiting to become a woman andvwere a miss which was a bit like being a girl.

Bonkers!

I genuinely don't remember ever thinking about it, I'm just winkywonky! And this is one of the reasons I find the trans movement so bizarre.

When I had my own DC I did suddenly feel this odd clash in my own background that my parents were very keen for me to go to uni, become educated and do as well as I could do in any career, but when I told DM that we were putting my 10 month old into childcare four days a week so I could work full time she was disapproving. And that made me question it all - I mean why bother encouring me to go to uni and get a good job if you think it's heinous to then do the job and not give it all up at 29? And then I reflected back on odd customs in my family that were all about the patriarchy, like my dad carving the meat, never putting a wash on etc.

But no, I never questioned it when I was little

I don’t remember specifically thinking about it, but I suppose I assumed that women did mundane jobs while waiting to be asked to marry someone, then you had babies and did a part -time even more mundane job.

I spent a lot of my childhood pretending to be a boy, wanting to be one of the boys because girls’ things seemed so trivial and not as much fun. I had a vague idea that there was something unjust about that but feminism hadn’t given me words such as “internalised misogyny” just yet

I also knew though that one day I would have to grow up, put on makeup and make myself look attractive if I wanted to be a proper woman.

I remember watching West Side Story, identifying strongly with the tomboy character in the Jets but realising that she’d never get a boyfriend because boys wanted someone pretty like Maria and that one day I’d have to change.

Of course the coolest character was Anita! But even she had to look pretty.

Having to do the housework while my brothers sat around and did nothing.
Having to wear uncomfortable clothes and shoes at the weekend.
Not being able to be an altar server ( and earn lots of money for weddings and funerals)
Not being able to be in the football team primary at school even though I was better than many boys at that age.
Doing Brownies and being bored ( here we come the laughing gnomes, helping mothers in their homes) rather than cubs and going camping and canoeing.
Seeing only men in positions of authority and power.
Being told by my mother that boys don‘t like clever girls.

All in all being a second class citizen who had to dress and behave in a certain way to cathch her man.

Depends on what age. Think I realised quite early on that it meant being oppressed by men. Went to a single sex school that encouraged you to believe in yourself and that you could change the world - but being female meant you'd have to work harder and be better than the men.

I definitely thought that having children was compulsory - I don't think I knew any women who weren't mothers. I remember crying myself to sleep a few times because even as a child I suspected I didn't want children, and thought I'd be forced into it. This was only the 90s!

A grown up girl.

I can’t remember ever consciously thinking about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was a girl, I’d grow up to be a woman the same as all the other girls. That was about it. Women were just ppl, some women were powerful, some weren’t, some were mums, some weren’t, some worked, some didn’t. As a child I didn’t analyse it anymore than that. Once I became a woman of course it was different…

Using my mum as an example it meant being lumbered with all the bloody housework as dad didn't lift a finger except to wash up at the weekends. It looked like being a domestic slave, a doormat with little in the way of pleasure or any opportunity to use your brain.

There was a choice - get an education and a career or marry - in those days you couldn't do both. Mum spread her wings a bit when she took a part-time job in her late 40s - a late pregnancy meant an extra mouth to feed. The double-edged sword meant that then she could compare her life with younger colleagues who had husbands who actually played with their children and took an interest in them. She had a hard life really without the choices we take for granted today.

Did you have the impression that children and men couldn't be loyal?

That the choices were dim bimbo, loyal wife/servant martyr or academic, independent.(1960s-70s)
Took a long while before I understood you could mix and match and still be your own person.