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Feminism: chat

Leering/stalking behaviour

14 replies

Onlinedilema · 16/06/2021 04:59

Not sure if this is the best place to post but just wanted to get this off my chest.
Spoke to dd yesterday, she is a young woman in her early 20s. She told me she had called at a local supermarket after work. She had driven and parked up. She then became aware of someone staring at her, an older man, old enough to be her father, parked next but one along from her. The staring was so bad that she rang her boyfriend whilst sat in her car and told him. She had her window down and the leering man heard her and after still staring at her whilst She was sat in her car dd stared back at him and shouted down the phone, "Tom, there is a man just stating at me in the car park!"
The man then looked away and drove off, so obviously aware he was being a twat.
Dd then went into the shop and got on with her shopping.
Whilst at the checkout she again felt a heavy presense. Even though we are all supposed to be social distancing and the shop makes this very clear, she described it as someone breathing down her neck. As she turned around to look it's was the same staring man! Stood extremely close to her again staring straight at her. She looked away from him this time as he made her very uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that she didn't leave the shop. Instead she moved to the packing area and pretended to be on her phobe, waiting for this creep to fuck off. He didn't. He had bought 2 things dd said it looked as though he had grabbed 2 items any 2, and followed her straight to the till. He stayed in the shop. In,the end dd texted her boyfriend and told him that this same bloody man was now in the shop and lingering about. Get bottlenecks her to stay there and not leave. She said she avoided the contact with him and pretended to be engrossed in her phone. Eventually this fucking creep left and drove off. Obviously he had pretended to leave the car park but had parked elsewhere.
As soon as she saw him drive off through the window she left and drove home terrified that he would follow her home.
What the actual fuck makes these people tick?
I told her if it ever happens again to go to a member of staff and ask for help, tell them you are being followed. Dd said to me why do men like this do it.
Thanks for reading and do not respond telling me it was a figment of my dds imagination. It absolutely was not.

OP posts:

musthavebeenlove · 16/06/2021 05:08

There are some creepy men who enjoy these kind of experiences. I believe there are some online incel communities where they even share tips with each other on how to do this to women in the most effectively creepy way, it’s definitely a real thing. Your DD did well.

If I were her, I’d report this creep to the police just in case this is the start of more stalkerish behavior, I really hope that won’t happen but just to be sure report it so she can build up a file against him if it escalates.


FindTheTruth · 16/06/2021 05:08

Did your daughter get the car registration number?


FindTheTruth · 16/06/2021 05:11

She did the right thing 1) staying in a public place, 2) telling someone what was happening 3) being aware

And your advice was spot on to 4) tell shop staff what was happening


FindTheTruth · 16/06/2021 05:12

Ask the supermarket customer services to KEEP THE CCTV FOOTAGE and report it to 101


FindTheTruth · 16/06/2021 05:12

I think your daughter needs to report this. it could save someone else


Majorfluff · 16/06/2021 06:27

This reply has been deleted

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Onlinedilema · 16/06/2021 06:50

Thanks for the replies. I’m not sure what the police would do but I agree it might be worth logging it with them.

OP posts:

Bambam2019 · 16/06/2021 07:15

Awful experience for your DD, OP! How is she today?
It’s such a horrible feeling when you realise you are in an unsafe situation. I agree with other posters, get this reported to the police!


Onlinedilema · 16/06/2021 07:34

I haven’t spoken to dd yet, she doesn’t live with me which makes it even worse as she was terrified of this man following her and finding out where she lives.
I asked dh what he thought the best course of action would be to take and he said to shout why are you stalking me! So everyone could hear. I guess it boils down to the same old story, females encouraged to be kind and not make a fuss. I said to dh I suppose a man would have been more aggressive with him and confronted him outright, perhaps that’s why they don’t do it to men.
She had already shouted down the phone “ There’s a man staring at me!” Which he heard hence him pretending to leave the car park so he was aware that his attention was unwelcome. I personally would like to post photos of creeps like this on social media but dh says I would get into trouble. Not sure if he has correct.
I do hesitate in contacting the police as when dd was a child she was followed by a man who got out of his car. It was a residential area, she was on her way to her grandmas, and where she was walking was no vehicular access. I rang the police and they operated who took my details started to victim blame. I pulled them up on this but quite frankly it was disgusting so I would hesitate to speak to them again. She was a child then so I can only imagine the response would be worse this time as she is a woman.
Totally pisses me off that we as females have to tolerate this shit.
Obviously if dh was there he would have challenged him outright , that’s if he had the guts to stalk dd in front of my dh.

OP posts:

ScreamingMeMe · 16/06/2021 07:47

That's horrible. Of course we believe you. This happens all too frequently. You think you know how you'll deal with it when it does, but it's different when it actually does.



Oh, piss off.


FindTheTruth · 16/06/2021 09:06

@Onlinedilema maybe alert the supermarket security staff / customer services because this could be his hunting ground and if DD could see CCTV they can be on the lookout


Yogaposer · 20/06/2021 19:54

Im so sorry your DD was intimidated by this man, it really is frightening that someone can think that sort of behaviour is acceptable.

My 69 year old mother told me today that a man has followed her on her way to work twice in a week, making lewd remarks. (The same man) She walks to work and works in a factory on a road where there are several industrial estates but not many Houses where one could try to knock and summon help.
She has to start work at 6.30am and I am worried sick about her journeys now. She has tried to play down the seriousness, telling me not to worry about her but its all I can think about now.


Anotheruser02 · 20/06/2021 21:47

They're disgusting entitled arseholes.
I think they do it more to younger people who may not have the confidence to call it out loudly. I hope your dd is okay.


Trevsadick · 20/06/2021 21:55

A very similar situation happened to me the winter just before covid started. I went to the supermarket at about 6am. 9n my way to work.

A man was walking across the car park, as I was pulling in then just jumped in front of the car and stood there in front of my car. I blasted the horn again and again and staff came out. He turned and left. I parked near the door and went in, turned round and he was following me round the store.

I went straight to the nearest member of staff who got security who then called the police. Apparently, it was something he did alot. They found drugs on him. Unfortunately they didn't charge him in relation to intimidation, but he did face other charges as he had broken his bail conditions.

Some men get off on scaring women.

Tell her to report to the police and they may be able to identify him from the cctv.

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