Tired of society's expectations of me

[Debbierocket123]

I was brought up in a reasonably modern family. My Dad was my main inspiration, he always told me I could achieve anything I wanted in life, get an amazing job, sleep around, travel and just enjoy life. I am now in my 30s and growing tired of societal pressures. My fiance's family in particular expect me to cook and clean and take care of my H2B as if he is a child. My fiance and I have both made it clear this isn't something I am interested in and certainly not something HE expects of me but they never stop asking and never hide their disappointment in me. For example, yesterday I met his MIL for a quick coffee in the afternoon but I had been working since 7am and had to get back to work (ended up finishing at 9:30pm) I told her I had a big project and deadline for an exciting new client. The only thing she had to say to me was why I didn't make lunch for my fiance. He finishes work earlier than me and actually enjoys cooking but that's absolutely unheard of in their culture. I am made to feel lazy and selfish despite how much I work and provide for our little family. It's all getting too much and am considering cutting them off for a while because the comments never stop (I have stood up for myself BTW). Any advice would be appreciated

@PicsInRed

Be prepared for your husband to revert to his family opinions when you have kids. That's very common. You may come to find that his tolerance of his family's opinions is actually his agreement with them.

Few men will stand up to families like this - most prefer an easy life and/or agree with them as it's what they've been brought up to believe and despite movie plots, the love of a good woman really doesn't cure that. If you stand your ground and push back on misogyny you will find yourself labelled "crazy", "bad wife", "bad mother" and/or a "problem".

Think very carefully before going through with the wedding. Love isn't enough.

Once again Picsinred nails it.

Many men profess to want equality and pre-children the illusion of this can be quite persuasive.

Once children arrive and during maternity leaves, however, the illusion often vaporises, leaving couples reverting to gender stereotypes. People often follow their own parents' example in how they parent their own children.

Your husband may start to see you as "mummy" and question why you aren't living up to his own mother's example.

I realise this sounds very negative. You are young and confident and sure of yourself, but you are correct that society's expectations will continue to bear down on you.

@Debbierocket123, the second line of your OP literally says that your dad encouraged you to ‘sleep around’. I was surprised when I read it too. @DolphinFC was only quoting back what you said

Do your h2bs family live in Gilead? Sounds like it.

I think you need to step back a bit from the relationship and start being "too busy" for many meetings. When they comment on it confront them with your feelings as candidly as you have here.

The only thing she had to say to me was why I didn't make lunch for my fiance. He finishes work earlier than me and actually enjoys cooking but that's absolutely unheard of in their culture.

You arent doing yourself any favours explaining why he might make his own lunch. He’s an adult, and needs to eat, so he makes lunch. If he didn’t like cooking he’d still need to make something. If he finished work later he’d still need to eat something. That’s why he made lunch.

EssexLioness- it doesn’t say anywhere in my question that he “encouraged” me. However, thinking about it if a man encourages his son to sleep around it doesn’t sound abnormal does it? Just food for thought.

Can you turn it into a joke OP? Every time it’s mentioned just laugh and say something like “ooh can you imagine! Maybe I could put toothpaste on his toothbrush for him too!”. Bonus points if your husband joins in the joking with you.

Your dad sounds fab by the way .