Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Baby born to Surrogate Mother still with her nearly one year on

98 replies

OhHolyJesus · 27/03/2021 18:47

Due to the travel restrictions this little girl remains in the care of the surrogate mother and her husband and as she approaches her 1st birthday she might be with them for a lot longer...

"For the biological parents, the entire process of traveling to and from the US to collect their baby could take up to three months, according to Chrislip.
“I just don’t know if they can take that amount of time off of work,” she said."

So tricky to collect the order you made from China when you can't take time off work...

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/nypost.com/2021/03/24/surrogate-caring-for-baby-year-later-due-to-covid-travel-rules/amp/

OP posts:

Original poster

OhHolyJesus · 27/03/2021 18:50

"On a day-to-day basis, we just get through it and keep going on about our day, and so it doesn’t seem too out of the ordinary anymore,” Chrislip said."

It's going to be pretty out of the ordinary for the child when suddenly she is handed off to strangers who take her on several flights to her her 'home' to China.

I can only imagine how traumatising that will be for all involved to be honest but especially for that little girl.

The surrogate mother clearly isn't going to take this to court and will happily hand her over, how could she care for this child so little after raising her for nearly a year?! I can't believe she is truly comfortable with this.

OP posts:

ArabellaScott · 27/03/2021 18:51

I can't begin to think about how this will be for the wee girl. God, this is inhuman.

TheRabbitOfCaerbannog · 27/03/2021 18:55

How terribly inconvenient for everyone involved. This is awful. Poor child.

RachelRoth · 27/03/2021 18:56

In the uk handing over a baby at or close to one years old, who has been on foster care for their first year, is commonplace in adoption. Maybe we need to look a little closer to home first.

MyGorramShip · 27/03/2021 18:57

I’m wondering if she’s been paid yet....

Original poster

OhHolyJesus · 27/03/2021 19:01

"She also noted the couple’s concerns about certain laws and restrictions in their country, as well as potentially exposing the baby to COVID on the multiple flights they’ll have to take between Idaho and China.
“Something that I have to remember is they live in a whole other country, and it’s a whole different kind of government than we have,” Chrislip said."

The covid pandemic has really shone a light on surrogate and how children are born in one place with one birth certificate and then flown off somewhere else and given a new birth certificate and citizenship.

From the Ukraine coverage I remember one commissioning mother saying the whole newborn experience was ruined for her as she couldn't get to the surrogate-born baby until he was at least 6 months old and she was moaning about how it wasn't how she imagined it.

OP posts:

TheRabbitOfCaerbannog · 27/03/2021 19:01

@RachelRoth

In the uk handing over a baby at or close to one years old, who has been on foster care for their first year, is commonplace in adoption. Maybe we need to look a little closer to home first.

Adoption and fostering happen for all sorts of reasons. There isn't a financial transaction involved. The baby isn't an item being purchased. Imagine the child growing up and reading about this.

TheRabbitOfCaerbannog · 27/03/2021 19:01

@MyGorramShip

I’m wondering if she’s been paid yet....

Quite

Mrsmorton · 27/03/2021 19:05

@RachelRoth children aren't adopted to order though are they.

RachelRoth · 27/03/2021 19:09

[quote Mrsmorton]@RachelRoth children aren't adopted to order though are they.[/quote]
That doesnt mean the current system isnt terrible.

cheeseismydownfall · 27/03/2021 19:10

@RachelRoth

In the uk handing over a baby at or close to one years old, who has been on foster care for their first year, is commonplace in adoption. Maybe we need to look a little closer to home first.

Yes, and the paramount consideration in those circumstances the welfare of the child. No one is saying that removing a one year old from its primary caregivers is ever going to be easy for the child, but there are sadly situations when it is necessary to ensure the best possible outcome for the child. It is absurd to conflate that with surrogacy.

Fieldsofstars · 27/03/2021 19:11

I’m surprised this stuff is legal

RachelRoth · 27/03/2021 19:15

It is absurd to conflate that with surrogacy.

We are talking about this one particular surrogacy. Is the fostering system and the adoption process in the UK better than this particular surrogacy?

Original poster

OhHolyJesus · 27/03/2021 19:17

I’m surprised this stuff is legal

Me too. Contracts in US States that legalise commercial surrogacy are water-tight and have been since the Baby M case.

I have huge worries about this coming to the U.K.

OP posts:

Barbadosgirl · 27/03/2021 19:19

@RachelRoth

In the uk handing over a baby at or close to one years old, who has been on foster care for their first year, is commonplace in adoption. Maybe we need to look a little closer to home first.

Those children are removed because they are not safe with their birth parents. They are not made to order and sold. Adopters are also made well aware of early trauma and attachment. Surrogacy cultists deny it is an issue.

Barbadosgirl · 27/03/2021 19:22

@RachelRoth

It is absurd to conflate that with surrogacy.

We are talking about this one particular surrogacy. Is the fostering system and the adoption process in the UK better than this particular surrogacy?

Yes because those children are not created to order with the intention of putting them through trauma. They are removed because it is believed that the trauma of removal will be better than the trauma they would suffer if left with bps:

Ohdoleavemealone · 27/03/2021 19:23

@RachelRoth

In the uk handing over a baby at or close to one years old, who has been on foster care for their first year, is commonplace in adoption. Maybe we need to look a little closer to home first.

Actually this is done out of neccessity and it is widely acknowledged that this is extremely damaging to a child hence why there is an increase in foster to adopt placements where babies taken at birth are placed immediatley into possible adoption placements. The other option for children in care is that they remain without a forever family for the rest of their lives, never feeling like they belong. Do you think this is a better option?

Syeknom · 27/03/2021 19:24

One is done deliberately for the desires of the parents, the other is done out of necessity for the welfare of the child.

TheRabbitOfCaerbannog · 27/03/2021 19:26

Is the fostering system and the adoption process in the UK better than this particular surrogacy?

These two things are not the same.
Surrogacy is the renting of a woman's womb to grow a child for purchase, in the states this can be for large sums. There are numerous international cases of surrogate babies being rejected by the purchasing parents if they are disabled, for example. Adoption is often the complete opposite - a family giving a home to a baby or child with emotional challenges because of their background.

RachelRoth · 27/03/2021 19:27

The other option for children in care is that they remain without a forever family for the rest of their lives, never feeling like they belong. Do you think this is a better option?

Yes. I'm a massive supporter of the foster-to-adopt system, where people who wish to adopt are trained also to be foster carers. so they foster and if the child does need to be adopted, those foster parents adopt the baby. I think for newborns this is absolutely the best course of action.

Welikebeingcosy · 27/03/2021 19:27

That poor baby. She's going to be traumatised. I remember leaving my DD at nursery for the first time at 15 months and feeling so guilty hearing her screaming as she realised I wasn't staying. And that was with me coming back after two hours. I guess the surrogate family just remained detavhed the whole way through that the needs of the child don't tug on their heartstrings as much.

RachelRoth · 27/03/2021 19:28

Oh i misread that comment . No i wasnt saying they shouldnt have a forever family. I was saying they should be placed with a potential forever family significantly earlier.

HavelockVetinari · 27/03/2021 19:29

@RachelRoth

In the uk handing over a baby at or close to one years old, who has been on foster care for their first year, is commonplace in adoption. Maybe we need to look a little closer to home first.

Yes, any sadly many of those children go on to suffer from attachment disorder which can and does cause lifelong issues.

percypetulant · 27/03/2021 19:31

Surrogacy and adoption in the UK aren't at all similar. Nonsense. There's recently been a case where a mother left her child to starve, that's the sort of situation children are removed into foster care and adoption from, as others have said, adoption here has nothing to do with the creation of babies to order, hiring of women's bodies, and sale of human babies. Don't be offensive. If you have issues regarding the adoption and fostering system, go and raise them somewhere else, this is a thread about surrogacy.

As PP, I suspect she hasn't been paid, and is scared she will a) not be paid, and b) have to pay to raise the child. Very cold, IMO.

Therearehouses · 27/03/2021 19:33

@RachelRoth

In the uk handing over a baby at or close to one years old, who has been on foster care for their first year, is commonplace in adoption. Maybe we need to look a little closer to home first.

I’d echo what PP have said, and add that there is also careful preparation that goes into placing a child into an adoptive home. The adopters build up their relationships with the child and almost ‘move in’ with the foster family for a couple of days before the move. Then the child is visited frequently by their social worker while they settle as best they can. A child being removed from their birth parents can be a little like you’ve described - it’s horrific, actually - but it’s only ever done when it is entirely necessary and a court has reached the decision that it is better for the child to go through such a traumatic separation than it is to stay where they are. It’s not the same as surrogacy.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread