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Original poster

Is anyone around to chat - feeling horribly lonely and low

29 replies

somethinganything · 04/02/2010 20:15

I've not posted in this section before but I can imagine you've all heard it all before, just thought it was worth seeing if anyone is around for an online chat - I just don't feel there's anyone in RL I can talk to. 37 weeks pregnant and feeling really, really down. Have been depressed before but came off ADs 5 years ago and have absolutely no desire to go back on them. Seem to be crying all the time, feel guilty about everything, having a miserable time with DH (and looking forward to spending time with him is usually the only thing that pulls me up when I'm feeling down), have so much to get on top of and don't know where to start. Daft thing is, I'm not alone, I have plenty of caring friends and family, I just can't bring myself to talk to any of them about this. If I go to the GP they'll presumably suggest counselling, which I don't have time for, or ADs, which I really don't want to go onto. So that's it really, just having a cyber moan because I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
LesbianMummy1 · 04/02/2010 20:29

i online for bit if you want

MavisEnderby · 04/02/2010 20:32

Late stages of pg is a horrid time.I sympathise.Is it your first baby?

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 04/02/2010 20:33

Hi, you do sound low, how long has it been going on now? Sorry you're having a bad time with dh, what's happened? x

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 20:35

thanks v much for posting. feel marginally better for just having 'talked about it' in the post - posted in pregnancy the other day, which was also really helpful at the time. Crazy that it's so much easier to talk to people who you don't know. I just feel like if I say anything to friends/family, it'll be an admission of failure or they'll have me permanently marked out as being unable to cope

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weegiemum · 04/02/2010 20:38

Oh you poor thing. I can't actually help much - am very down myself at the moment for totally non-pg related reasons, but if you think misery loves company we can be miserable together! I'm here for at least another 1/2 hour till dd1 gets in from Guides.

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 20:38

x-posted with James and Mavis there - sorry.

No DC2, have a 2-year-old DD who is wonderful. Feel so guilty for not enjoying my last few days on my own with her and even worse about the new baby, who I'm completely unprepared for. Am being a rubbish wife and have no inclination to finish the work that I still have to tie up. What on earth am I going to be like when there's a new baby to look after? Haven't read any books this time. Don't feel rested or relaxed. Feel like I need to unwind but am constantly driven on by a nagging anxiety

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LesbianMummy1 · 04/02/2010 20:38

perfectly normal to feel like that when you have had arguement and also when you are heavily pregnant I remember being that stage with ds2 and had so many irrational fears i was vile to dp but it normally gets easier once baby is born as your anxieties about the birth are over and you are hectic with baby you are normally tired but there is also much more chance for people to help out

thingamajig · 04/02/2010 20:39

Hi there something, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling low. Have you been feeling like this for long? I think that you need to see your GP as you sound badly depressed. Not enjoying things that usually make you happy, eg your husbands company, and not wanting to talk to your friends are classic signs of this.
I have suffered with depression all my life and if there is anything I have learnt it is how cruel depression is as it robs you of the motivation and confidence to connect with anyone.
Please consider medication, it neednt interfere with bf if that is something that you want to do, and will not harm your baby as it has already done most of its developing. You would not deny yourself painkillers if you broke your leg; depression is just as real an illness, and the drugs can help correct imbalances of chemicals in your brain.

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 20:39

weegie sorry to hear you're down too. Thanks for the company

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sungirltan · 04/02/2010 20:43

oooh the 'unable to cope' struck a cord with me. i felt like i was holding my life together by threads in the last weeks of my pregnancy and felt worse than previous times when i'd have been happy to admit to depression and seek help. i dunno if its hormones or whtehr preparing for a baby is just v stressful. i kept telling people i felt shit and all i got was 'oh its normal in preg' or 'oh but why you should be so happy' blah blah.

hope that helps x

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 20:45

thanks thingamajig - part of me thinks you're right but I just remember that feeling of dread when I first tried to come off ADs and felt the depression coming back. And then the relief when I finally managed it and started to feel 'normal' (for me!) again after about a year. Also, I can't face talking to DH about it, he's really stressed at work himself and I think he'll just think I'm giving up.

Lesbianmum really hope that you're right and when the baby arrives things will start looking up.

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JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 04/02/2010 20:50

Late pregnancy is such a vulnerable time, everything's magnified and yeah, you can be vile to your partner. I'm 26 weeks pg with dc2, also have a 2 yr old, I'm dreading being heavily pregnant, he's already running circles around me and screaming for attention that much of the the time I just don't have the energy to give. You must be exhausted, don't blame yourself though!

So, have you had a row or something? (I'm going to click post now and probably x-post with 20 people)

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 21:05

My laptop seems to be refreshing v slowly...

sungirltan & jamesandthe - it's true that pregnancy does have a huge impact and I think maybe I've been underestimating that and running round like a blue-arsed fly expecting to still be able to go and full capacity.

Re DH, he has a pressurised job, works v long hours and is v stressed. Tonight he's actually out drinking with clients/friends and I know that means he'll come back wasted and reeking of booze and fags, which I just can't stand at the moment. But of course he deserves wind-down time. In general though I'm finding him really difficult to live with and I"m sure he's feeling the same about me. I think he just thinks I'm generally moany and can't work out why I'm not full of the joys of spring because I only work PT from home and get to spend time with DD etc So one way or another we just keep rubbing each other up the wrong way. It's horrible.

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thingamajig · 04/02/2010 21:24

Even if you dont want to go on ADs again, seeing the doctor about feeling depressed would be worth it. I don't know if you have ever had a CPN but mine is great and it sounds like you could do with someone looking after you a bit.

thingamajig · 04/02/2010 21:29

I must say, it sound like you DH is being a bit of an arse at the moment. He must have some idea that being heavily pregnant with a toddler is hard work. What 'wind-downs' does he let you have? A lie in/afternoon snooze/nice home cooked meal? Can you talk to him calmly about how you are feeling and ask for some help?

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 21:29

Sorry, thingamajig what's a CPN? Might see how things go over the next day or two and consider making an appt to see GP next week.

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Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 21:32

x-posted again. I just don't think he gets it. I tried to explain to him the other day but I think he's feeling a bit low himself cos of work pressure and thinks it's just the same for me except that I have less stress to deal with. He's just really distracted - TBH I do feel like he's being a bit unsupportive but I"m such a miserable cow myself at the mo that I don't know if I'm seeing things clearly and am trying to imagine what it's like for him.

OP posts:
thingamajig · 04/02/2010 21:35

A CPN is a Community Psychiatric Nurse. They visit you in your home say, one a week, and talk through stuff and help you access other help.

sungirltan · 04/02/2010 21:36

community psychiatric nurse

have to agree with thing about maybe talking to dh but....i remember with my dh when i was pregnant i just didnt want to after the first attempt when he made me feel like a drama queen!

LesbianMummy1 · 04/02/2010 21:42

sorry computer died back now

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 21:43

Ah, of course - thanks.

Yes, sungirltan that's my fear. Just can't stand the thought that he just thinks I'm being lame and feeling sorry for myself. I trying to imagine myself saying it out loud and I can't work out how to convey how all round crap I am feeling. "Feeling really low and anxious" just doesn't really cut it. I'm trying to sort out some nasty small claims situation at home among other things and every time an email arrives about it, I feel physically ill. But trying to explain to him why I'm struggling with normal, day-to-day stuff like that that he doesn't have time to deal with feels impossible right now

OP posts:
Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 21:45

thanks, lesbianmummy - so as you see, still here moaning!

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sungirltan · 04/02/2010 21:50

and of course you risk making yourself even more vulnerable by expressing how weak you feel.

i tell you what though in hindsight i regret not approaching my female friends about this at the time. sometime i think dh's, don't always have the emotional capacity and tact to deal well with this very female state.

Original poster
somethinganything · 04/02/2010 21:55

exactly 'cos deep-down you sort of feel that you should be able to shake it off and someone else implying they think that just makes it 10 times worse.

I don't know why I find it so hard to talk to female friends about. I'd probably find if I did that they'd been through similar experiences but if we can't even talk to our DH/DP about it, how unlikely are we to share it with other people. It just seems as if other women breeze through the whole thing and only notice the physical drawbacks of pregnancy, which seem pretty minor to me in comparison. But perhaps it's just that no-one talks about it.

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LesbianMummy1 · 04/02/2010 21:58

it really can help speaking to other people last week my dd1 went on school trip and was away for 3 days I felt like i was going mad as was constantly on edge day they travelled Wednesday and day they came back Friday and did not feel settled until i rationally worked out they must have arrived safely or we would have heard on Wednesday. Did not sleep for 2 nights and on day they were due home mentioned to another mum at school how paranoid I was about bus crashing etc and rather than think i was weird said "I feel like that too." She then told me coach had broken down on way there and she had heard through grapevine kids had to wait on dual carriageway but before i could begin to panic was quick to reassure me kids were fine and thought it was just big adventure. It was great to know I was not the only one feeling like that and felt so much better when I knew somebody else felt the same