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Original poster

Ashamed to be on ADs?

31 replies

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/01/2010 20:51

I've been on ADs for nearly 2 years following PND with DD.
I met a friend today who has a 10 month old and I've always been quite open with her about what I went through.
Today I was really surprised to find out my friend has also been prescribed ADs but she seemed really reluctant to talk about it, and acted like she was actually ashamed of the fact she has been prescribed them. When I was leaving she said "you won't tell anyone, will you?".
Of course I won't tell anyone, but I feel a bit baffled by this, why would someone feel ashamed, particularly talking to a friend who had also been through something similar?
Am wondering now if I shouldn't have been so open about my own experience...
Anyone have any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
compo · 10/01/2010 20:53

My sister doesn't like people knowing because she thinks it's admitting failure, that she can't cope with her life etc etc
People think they should be happy unfortunately, or they think people will judge 'oh what does he have to be depressed about, she has a nice family, car, house ' and so on
it's really good you don't feel that way

petitmaman · 10/01/2010 20:58

I was on ads a while ago and didn't tell anyone. however if i was now i would tell my friends. i think it is one of tose things that if you tell people it is surprising how many people are. i wish ihad known that at the time.

SilveryMoon · 10/01/2010 20:58

GetDown I'm the same as you, I'm pretty happy for anyone to know I'm an AD's at the moment and I will openly talk about it and my PND to anyone who may need the support etc, and actually have spoken through some things with other mum's at play group after having them pointed in my direction by the staff there.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 10/01/2010 21:05

that's really good silverymoon I'm sure you've helped a lot of mums by sharing your experience. I really feel like I want to help others too and reassure them they are not alone when they are going through those darks days. It makes me so sad there are people like my friend who feel this real sense of taboo talking about it.
I just wonder now whether people think badly of me behind my back the fact that I am so open about it. Perhaps people think you should just keep your problems to yourself?

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 10/01/2010 21:12

I know what you mean GetDown But it's that 'keep our mouths shut' attitude that makes depression a taboo subject even in these supposedly open-minded days.
If anyone wants to think less of me for admitting I needed help then that's their problem really. I'd much rather that I give 1 person reasurance and have 10 not like me than have 1 person go through it alone if I could otherwise help.

BonjourIvressedeNoel · 10/01/2010 21:15

I'm careful who i tell becuase of peoples misconceptions about ADs . I havent told anyone who would be judgy

ohtobe4 · 11/01/2010 17:55

misconceptions about ads are not going to change until people realise how common it is to be prescribed them at some point in your life. By hiding the fact you're on them adds to the idea that it's something to be ashamed of surely????

BonjourIvressedeNoel · 11/01/2010 19:47

yes but the last thing I need is extra scrunity, or people thinknig they can judge me or making " helpful" comments. I talk freely about my PND with the people I trust, even they have been surprised when I've told them. Its all very well having an idealised view that we should all be open and tell everyone, but if the outcome of that is extra stress for me, or affects my family I'm not going to sing it from the roof tops. I wouldn't tell all and sundry if I had a physical health problem either. Sometimes that privacy is all the space I have at the moment.

blushingm · 12/01/2010 12:01

i am incredibly ashamed of the fact i am on ADs and have been for the past 3.5 years..............i even make my dh collect them from the chemist for me as i 'know' what the people behind the counter will think of me. When I go to see my consultant I can't look anyone in the eye in the waiting area and I make sure no one sees me go down that particular corridor. I can't really explain why I feel like this - could be admitting to failing/being ingrateful/being 'mad'?/faulty goods?

drloves8 · 12/01/2010 12:20

blushingm dont be ashamed of ADs , they are just a medicine to help you get better/feel better .No different to antibiotics or asthma meds. You are not a failure, its just your hormones have went haywire and your brain isnt makeing/releaseing enogh of the "happy one" (seratonin).If your body doesnt make enough iron youd get anemic and have to take vitamins/iron tablets to sort it . -not really much difference when you look at it that way.

blushingm · 12/01/2010 17:09

dr - i know logically what you say is true and that it what i would say to someone esle in my situation but somehow i can't make it apply to me - other people may not have enough seratonin but i am faulty

ohtobe4 · 12/01/2010 23:07

Maybe I'm just too thick-skinned and selfish to care what other people think of me. I know that I'M alright, I just need a little help balancing my chemicals. Like drl says - it's just a medicine. And you are in control enough to get it sorted out.
blushing - I would just take one day at a time. Give yourself a pat on the back at the end of each day for getting through it without a disaster. ie - family safe, fed and watered. For gods sake don't measure yourself against other people.
Good luck and stay strong blushingm.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 13/01/2010 14:50

blushing - I feel really sad for you that you feel so bad about being on ADs. I really wish there was something I could say to change your mind. Before I had PND I had never experienced depression before. I probably was one of those ignorant people who thought there was an element of "pull yourself together" when it came to coping with depression. I also felt that depression was over-medicated by GPs in general.
My experience has changed my attitude by 180degrees. I really, truly believe now that depression is an ILLNESS. For me, there was no question of being able to "pull myself together" - it simply was not a choice. It hit me like a brick wall and there was nothing I could do about it. I know that there was something wrong in my brain because all my reactions were wrong and not like "me" at all. I lost all ability to feel pleasure. If I took a walk and felt the sun on my skin or looked at the snowdrops in the churchyard near our house I felt absolutely nothing. It even got to the point where a sneeze or a yawn would bring no sense of satisfaction. My sleep was totally disturbed, at my worst I went 5 days and nights without sleeping - that is not normal! I developed associated anxiety and started pacing the house and was unable to stop. I couldn't concentrate on anything.
I genuinely have had my mind changed about depression. No one chooses to feel that way. It is an illness and it needs treatment.
I respect your decision not to tell people about your ADs, I too am guarded with certain people (but not those whom I feel I could help by sharing), but please please don't feel ashamed or guilty.

OP posts:
blushingm · 13/01/2010 20:53

but surely the nhs should be spending time, money and energy on important things like diabeye/cancer/epilepsy/heart attacks etc than people like me - i don't feel worthy of it all surely I'm just feeling sorry for myself and should get on with thin gs like normal people/every one else does

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 13/01/2010 21:52

Hmmm, is that what you really think? Sounds like the illness talking. Feeling like you are worthless and have no self-esteem, it's all part of the depression. If you had diabetes/cancer/epilepsy etc etc would you refuse treatment because you are "worthless"? Of course you wouldn't! You would accept treatment just like anyone else! So why feel bad about accepting treatment for your depression?
Do you still see a consultant? It sounds like you may still have a touch of the depression to me...

OP posts:
addictedtolatte · 13/01/2010 22:03

when i had ADs with PND i wanted it kept secret i told noone not even my partner. my mind had gone that much i convinced myself social services would come and take my ds from me for being such a failure and a bad mother. now that i am well i realise my thoughts were irrational but that is part of the illness i suppose. this is maybe how your friend is feeling.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 13/01/2010 22:13

wow addicted you didn't even tell your partner?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I am AMAZED!

I was hospitalised for 3 months with my PND and there was NEVER any question of my baby being taken away.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 14/01/2010 03:38

I kept quiet about it for ages. I really didn't want to admit I was "mentally ill" or "needed help" - even to myself. One day I decided that was silly, and started mentioning it now and again. It turned out that AT LEAST HALF of the people I talked to were on ADs as well!

It's quite nice. It doesn't lead to mutual misery-fests or anything, it's just a little bit more relaxing to know how many people really do understand what you mean by "having a bad day" or "struggling a bit"

With those people who feel they have to do the pull-yourself-together act or (worse) swamp you with positivity, I've learned to say it's an illness - like diabetes, it's managed by the medications but they don't actually cure it. Unlike diabetes, however, it can get better so don't feel sorry for me.

ohtobe4 · 14/01/2010 21:45

here here itsgraceagain. Loads of people take them. I bet more than half of celebs take them. Time to be honest I say!!
Then people won't feel so guilty about being depressed. It's actually common! I don't mean that in a nasty way, but really - loads of people are / have been depressed.

MitsubishiWarrioress · 14/01/2010 22:08

this can balance things a bit

I understand, it is not something that is easy to be open about it. You can admit to just abut anything these days apart form being depressed and yet it is the isolation that can magnify it.

I am more open about it on MN than in RL. Even my Mum and Dad can't accept it and when I am 'ill' are very supportive but simple will not discuss my depression.
I am on AD's and having counselling. And so are so many people and like on MN, if you start to share with other people, it seems less monumental. It will take people opening up to dispel the myth, and reverse the 'stigma' of MH issues.

I do pick and chose who I tell, just as I would with any other illness, but ItsGrace is right, in fact often I wind up laughing with other people who also suffer, it diminishes it into an everyday issue rather than this big thing in my head. And MN has helped so so much with that. From people who are going through similar, to just coming on for a rant and searching out a bit of sympathy AND gentle bum kicking.

Can your friend come on MN getdown? it really is an amazing support network for any depression related issues.

I hope things turn a corner for her soon...lots of walks outside, and a fab friend like you might help her get there.

PuddingPenguin · 16/01/2010 09:15

I think there is a tendency for some people to take a misplaced sense of pride is saying "I suffer/ed from depression, but manage it myself without medication". I believe Stephen Fry said this recently (but I love you Stephen, so sorry if I'm mis-quoting you!). So on the one hand you have people saying that they too have been depressed and you think, wow, I'm not alone, then they say they didn't take medication and it makes you feel a failure if you do. And anyone who has been depressed knows that it doesn't take much to make you feel like a failure...

In a wierd way, I liken it to motherhood, you have to deal with it in the way that is best for you. BF vs FF, natural birth vs epidural, ADs or no ADs - despite what others may say, there is nothing wrong with any of these options is they work for you!!!

blushingm · 16/01/2010 10:02

rubbish

this sort of think doesn't help either - makes me feel like i'm a weak drug addicted failure

PuddingPenguin · 16/01/2010 10:38

I agree blushingm, this however is a wonderful article with the best descriptions of how depression really feels that I have ever found: www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/mental_health/article6925762.ece

SparrowFflamau · 16/01/2010 19:43

My mum was v careful to tell me that she had told people I was ill on Thurs (had to do school runs for me when side effects of new ADs were severe) rather than letting them know "your business". It was sweet, but it doesn't bother me who knows.

My brain doesn't work the way it should. Pills help that.

SparrowFflamau · 16/01/2010 19:44

lol @ you being faulty blushing! You do know that depression makes you think that? You're just you and need a bit of extra help like loads of other people